Social Question

TrickyZZZZ's avatar

Analyze this text convo please?

Asked by TrickyZZZZ (99points) April 28th, 2010

I have a problem with this online dating thing. My profile is good and I can get numbers fairly quickly and with great success, but I always seem to mess it up some how. I really need help.

I tend to exchange a few messages on the service then ask for the girls number (I think it is pointless to keep messaging back and forth on the site). The messages are basically that shes cute, and some questions about what shes into, piercings, etc. I then carry on the conversation via text the next day (since I really did not get to talk to the person). Text is my version of AIM or MSN messenger.

Heres an expert from my first text convo with her (*s denote personal info such as names):

Me: Hey :). Looks like someones online going through their hundreds of emails. So do you go by * or *. Cause I don’t think you go by ** lol?

Her: * haha and **s my bday.

Me: Ohh haha my bdays in ** so I win. You’re turnin ** rite.

Her: Mmm ya

Me: Aww what a younglin haha. Im sure you have no problems gettin into clubs and stuff tho lol.

Her: Haha shut up, how am I young? (Talks about how she doesn’t club)

We talk about interests, the beach, and smoking weed for about 12 messages.

Me: .... (stuff relating to the last message). Hey you got plans Friday night?

Her: Yeah :/ but not saturday

Me: You suck then :p lol. Well we can go bowlin saturday night then. You know you wanna :).

….no response…..

Me (10 mins later): Well that is unless you’re lookin for an online chat buddy lol. In that case I should move on. I want to meet real ppl…. not fake online buddys haha

…..still no response….

What am I doing wrong? The convo was goin good until I asked to chill. Am I asking to hang out too quickly? How many text exchanges should I have before actually asking to hang out?

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30 Answers

chels's avatar

Not to be harsh or anything, but she probably got creeped out. Your conversation moved from casual talking to “we should hang out” quite fast.
Maybe talk for a few days before asking to hang out with people?

richardhenry's avatar

Creepy things include “what a younglin haha” and “you know you wanna”. Might just be me, but you’re definitely trying too hard.

earthduzt's avatar

Probably way to soon to be asking people you meet online to meet in real life. People like the anonominity online meeting gives and they like to take theirtime usually getting to know someone, coming out right away and saying “lets meet here” would probably freak most people out. Take it slow and don’t be in such a rush, makes you sound desperate and that can turn people off, also who knows if youre an axe murderer **not saying you are** but people just really don’t know. Chill out on the rushed dialog.

TrickyZZZZ's avatar


See i try to vary my strategy every time. Some girls I try to talk completely normal, but then I am told I come off as boring. Others I try to do shit like this, but then come off as creepy. I dont fucking understand it lol.

So how should the tone of the messages be? Asking normal general questions, or is that boring?

I appreciate the critical analysis, don’t be afraid

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

You suck then :p lol. Well we can go bowlin saturday night then. You know you wanna :)- this is where you lost ‘em. Though you would have lost me long before that.

Trillian's avatar

Try proper English. Getting through this was like chewing glass. Also, why would you say something about having no trouble getting into clubs? The you told her that she sucks. Not likely to make me pant to spend time with you. Try a real conversation with someone your own age.

richardhenry's avatar

@TrickyZZZZ The fact that you have a strategy is the problem. It’s so easy to see through. Relax and make some friends, or don’t bother.

ubersiren's avatar

1. How many times have you talked to each girl? If this is the first time you’ve talked to this girl, then perhaps you went to quickly. Instead of asking the girls out right away, ask to meet up to chat again, then during the 2nd or 3rd conversation, say something like, “Would it be okay to call you on the phone?” Then, still don’t ask her out. Instead, talk on the phone another time or two before asking for a real date.
2. I agree with the two folks above who said it was a little creepy that you commented on her age. Makes you sound like an old perv.
3. You seem to write fine, here on fluther, yet your typing skills and txt speak make you seem unintelligent in the chat room. Clean it up, buddy. Don’t sound like a douche.

TrickyZZZZ's avatar

Shes 19, turnin 20 and Im 20 turnin 21.

I am not a pedofile lol. Clubs here don’t like people under 21

Seek's avatar

Hm. Telling her she sucks, calling her a youngster, and the entire body of discussion is about weed and something she doesn’t enjoy doing (clubbing). Then you topped it off with instructing her that she wants to go bowling with you.

Yeah, I have no idea why this chick wasn’t swept off her feet.

escapedone7's avatar

Why are you telling her what she wants to do instead of asking her? I dont think you paid any attention at all to my answer to your last question!

TrickyZZZZ's avatar


I asked her if she clubs as a question. We talked about things she liked (beach and weed)

The consensus of many of articles that I read state that one should be “kinda a dick.” i.e. joking around about her.

Good idea. I thought asking her what she wants to do seems “weak.” but I guess not. I will re-read.

EDIT: Yes I have been doing that. Thats why I try to find out her intrests. I did not think it was appropriate to ask her exactly what she wants to do as it is up to the guy to do that

chels's avatar

@TrickyZZZZ Don’t be a dick. Especially to some girl you just started talking to. Asking her what she wants to do is being considerate, not “weak”.

richardhenry's avatar

@TrickyZZZZ You should re-read @escapedone7‘s post on your other thread again. “You are approaching this like a physicist trying to find the best orbital entry.”

LuckyGuy's avatar

Geez! Didn’t your parents tell you to never to meet with anyone you first met on line?
Everyone since they were 10 was told to be careful of people on line.

My guess: “She’s” a 14 year old boy.

Seek's avatar

consensus of many of articles that I read state that one should be…

Stop right there. You’re doing it again.

Women are not combination locks. I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again. There is not a formula to attracting a woman.

If you keep up this persistent need to find the “right way” to get a girlfriend, you’re going to die alone. Being a dick is never a good strategy. The article lied.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@worriedguy I met my husband online.

TrickyZZZZ's avatar

@worriedguy lol

Hmm. So coming off as my average self asking regular, average questions, texting back and forth for days is my best bet? Idk I was just under the impression I would come off as boring or desperate. I guess time to reset and try again

Seek's avatar


Now you’re getting it.

We (speaking as a fairly average female, mid-20s) are not looking to train a monkey. I’m not looking for the most puffed out chest, or the strongest specimen, or the shiniest coat. We’ve evolved beyond that. We want someone we can talk to – comfortably – who sees eye to eye on some issues that are important to us, and that we have a genuine attraction toward. And sometimes we’re looking for really good sex with a hot guy. We can be shallow, too, you know

If the communication starts as an act, a front, and a lie, the relationship is doomed from the start.

TrickyZZZZ's avatar


thank you. I will try again with a new person and post any more concerns.

Wtf the girl just answered back (an hour later) “haha Ya we can do that.” That dosen’t make sense since I creeped her out.

chels's avatar

Edited by me

Ponderer983's avatar

What everyone else said, plus I hate when people onyl after a little bit are like oh I was talking to you now where did you go. shit happens, and people’s lives take them away from their phones. I can be in the middle of texting someone then have to do something instantly. You don’t know each other and you can’t expect her to have you on the top of her priorites list! That is what would make me stop talking to you

thriftymaid's avatar

Thanks for sharing your “expert.” You didn’t say your age. The whole thing was very junior high school. Why not just ask someone out that you know and skip the online dating right now. A little more wisdom will helpful when you are ready to try again.

chels's avatar

@thriftymaid He said ”Shes 19, turnin 20 and Im 20 turnin 21.

mangeons's avatar

Well I think it could have something to do with how you told her that she sucks, then basically made plans without even asking her. Maybe instead of saying “You suck then :p lol. Well we can go bowlin saturday night then. You know you wanna :).” try something like “Aw, that’s too bad. Would you maybe like to hang out and go bowling or something on Saturday instead?” Don’t just assume she wants to hang out with you.

Also, as others have stated, maybe try getting to know the person longer, instead of taking it from casual conversation to wanting to hang out so quickly, she probably wasn’t ready for that.

MissAnthrope's avatar

The textspeak and spelling would be a turnoff for me right off the bat, but I’m not a teenager and I also am an English snob, so I’m probably biased there.

I agree with pretty much everything that’s been said here so far. I personally would take affront with the tone, being condescended to about being younger, being told I suck, etc.

Take it slower. You get the email address first, email once or twice, then you ask if she’d like to chat on IM (or skip that and go to the next step). You do that for a while, then ask if you can exchange numbers, if it’d be okay to call. Then you have a couple of phone conversations, where you get a real feel of whether your personalities are compatible. If it’s all good to this point, then ask if she’d like to get together and do something.

Secondly, I don’t care what some asshat on the internet tells you, do not be a dick. There are enough dicks in this world, we seriously don’t need one more.

Thirdly, it is not 1950 and girls have minds of their own. While some girls like dicks and being told what to do, most of us don’t. It’s polite and nice to ask someone what activity they would like to do when you get together. If she waffles or says she doesn’t care or generally seems indecisive, suggest something. You don’t have to take charge and command the date. You can be strong and male and all of that, but jeez, leave some room for her to inject some opinions or make decisions if she wants to.

Lastly, as someone said, real-life shit happens when you’re texting or IMing. Sometimes you have to leave the conversation abruptly. I personally would wait until the next day before sending a message that says, “Well, whatever, if you don’t want to know me, sucks to be you.”

I know it’s all well-intentioned, but it comes off poorly and can give a bad impression.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Creepy is pointing out how many people you think she’s talking to online as well as bringing up the age and then moving into talk about smoking weed. I read this as some fidgety fingered pervert scoping me out for young, dumb and open to hanging out to be given drugs and the pounced on for sex. Ick.

Also, some people are comfortable messaging you that particular social site but not enough times to be comfortable to give you their AIM or phone numbers for private texting, don’t push that until they bring it up. Even if you offer your numbers, you shouldn’t expect the other person to automatically give you yours and then if they do then be prepared for a few people to shy away from actually answering or using them.

Provlear's avatar

I think texting is probably the problem in the first place.

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