{NSFW} Is the responce to proximity of same-sex genitals in heterosexuals during a threesome/orgy a gendered one?

FYI, the phenomenon is known as “crossing swords”

Now you can use the scientific terms.

I definitely think it’s because of the fear of seeming “gay”. Men definitely worry about that a lot more than women.
I can’t take from personal experience…since I’m a chick…but from what I hear, male on male friction is stimulating no matter the man’s sexual orientation, but they just always deny it.

It’s only gay if balls are touching, people. Everyone knows that. :)

Once a gay man handled my package while I was sleeping. I woke up partially aroused, but I don’t know whether he caused that or if it was part of my sleep cycle. As soon as I became cognizant, however, the experience of that touch was overwhelmingly uncomfortable.

That’s the best I got. Also, it was over clothes.

NOT GAY. Also.

I’d loved to hear from the men on this one. Great question.

For the record, I’m a gay female who finds it incredibly hot when two men are doing the dirty with another female in tow. Penises touching and in and out of males orifices.

@kevbo “NOT GAY. Also.”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that” (Jerry Seinfeld)

@DominicX, exactly. It’s only gay if the balls touch. The internet decided on that standard long ago.

@Parrappa Fascinating, lol – I did not know that before – I feel so much cooler.
@jjmah Absolutely, I find it hot as well.
@kevbo – how does one get a random gay man to handle one’s package when asleep?

Swords shouldn’t cross, that’s just my personal philosophy. If I had a friend who wanted to “cross swords” but not “touch balls” I would think he was gay.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, oh, that’s easy, just fall asleep in the same room.

because women aren’t scared of other women as much as men are scared of other men. because clearly if your penis touches another man’s while you’re gangbanging a girl, you are definitely a homosexual….?!

Cant help you, i have only been two women, one man. Never met a man who would have a threesome with another man. Go figure. Lets face it, women are hot. Not only to men, but other women. women dont have a problem saying “that girl is hot” You never hear a man say that about another man, unless he is gay.

I don’t know, I accidentally cross swords with my super-masculine friends all the time. It usually happens during our mutual daily dick-measuring/comparing, but it’s not like that makes us gay or anything.

To be honest though my real experience with my really very narrow-minded straight friends is that they would never participate in an orgy with other men at all whatsoever no matter what, but that it would have to be all women to their one penis, which to me seems not only kind of selfish but also unrealistic and definitely maybe a little homophobic I don’t know never mind I need new friends.

@absalom, lol!

I think it’s that men are told by society that they must stick to their sexuality like glue. I know many gay men who feel the same way. The very idea of contact with a vagina disgusts them and once or twice a male gay friend of mine has gagged at the thought.

I had a really good answer written out but accidentally closed the window before I could hit “answer”. :(

@KatawaGrey I’ve experienced the same attitude among many of my gay friends.

I would like to think that such a situation wouldn’t weird me out; I may never know for sure, since I’ve never been in a threesome involving two guys. Our social circle was mostly gay and lesbian, the bi-ladies tending to prefer women. Watching gay guys do what they do doesn’t bother me, but doesn’t attract me either. I’ve frequently been the only guy in the room since I’m one of the rare hetero guys that lesbian ladies consider “safe” (or that’s what I’ve been told). My gay acquaintances know my orientation, so I’ve never been asked to swing that way. I’ve done BDSM scenes involving other guys, but without any sexual contact (I had been asked to demonstrate some technique). I wasn’t aware until @Simone_De_Beauvoir mentioned it that F/F is more “acceptable” than M/M, but that’s probably due to my limited experience.

Great question as usual @Simone_De_Beauvoir .

It’s as you say, women are viewed as sexual objects and expected to give up all orifices for the pleasure of a man even if she’s pleasuring him by having sex with another woman.

Most hetero women don’t see two men having sex together in her company as being a pleasure to her though, they might be assumed to both be available to have sex with her body but anything else is “gay”.

Hetero guys touching each other on purpose during multiple partner sex makes them nervous. They’re not about to be fingered, fondled or whatever by each other but they’ll expect the women to do them and each other. Bumping into each other or say rubbing close together if they’re doubling up on a women seems fine to them though.

My experience has been with two “gay” men and myself and they paid my body just as much attention as any other good lover I’ve had, one on one. I can’t even imagine having been in the same situation with two “straight” guys. I think straights would have been less concerned with my pleasure than their own because of the thrill of being two on one, I think it would have been disappointing for me in that I’d ended up feeling just a breathing sex toy for them.

@Neizvestnaya GA+ I never looked at it that way. Thanks for the mind-expansion.

I’ve had several 2 male/1 female threesomes, and several 2 male/2 female foursomes. Each time, the rules (made by the men) were: girls could do anything they wanted, guys could only touch girls. I thought it was ridiculous and unfair, but it seemed like there was no way around it. I found out way later that 2 of those guys had been inching towards the idea of touching each other when the situation ended. Oh, well. Too late for me.

I think it’s entirely the stigma that gay guys are bad, gay women, not so much. As such, anything perceived as gay is terrifying to guys, women not so much.

@Provlear Why do you think that is?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir If we lived in a society that showed women wearing hats as sexy and men wearing hats as something that is wrong or weird, then men would be more bothered wearing hats than women would.

This is thankfully becoming less of an issue as society progresses, but the stigma is still there.

Therefore, the response is gendered because men fear this ‘possibly gay’ (as if touching genitals of another man makes a man gay) experience more than women, in my opinion. I would just find it repugnant not because I thought I’d be gay if I touched it or it touched me but I would see the touching about the same as if I stepped in dog s***, just because I might be pro dog don’t mean I want to step in their poop. There is not anything I see sexual in another man so having a 3way (which these days don’t matter if it were 2 women I don’t care for) with a dude would be a total noodle limper for sure.

So, help me tease out the various issues going on here: we know, in our society, it is more acceptable to both men and women to see two women make out then for two men to make out (making generalizations, here) – this, in my opinion From what I have seen in my days getting older from younger is that if the women are very attractive and slender it hold more than if one was overweight and the other has a ”butch” cut and looks rather “manish”. But women have always been able to shoe PDA even non-sexual type for decades. Women meet the could peck each other affectionately on the check or give each other hugs and it was not frowned on. Men could only hug really after the whistle blew and they won the game. I think it is because women are visually softer looking than men and coupled with them on average being more open emotionally makes it more palatable than two lumber jack looking men swapping spit.