(NSFW) For women in a commited relationship: Partner's use of porn.

I wouldn’t want him to keep it secret, it’s not a big deal and I wouldn’t mind watching it together once in a while. I watch porn way more than my husband so it’s fine.

Wouldn’t bother me in the least, although I think I watch more porn than he does.

I’m fine with it as we probably watch the same amount of porn, and we do not use it as a substitute for intimacy between each other.

I’m single currently, but I’m going to answer this based on past relationships. I think sometimes you just feel like watching porn, and that’s perfectly fine with me, given the things you said (the sex and frequency is satisfying, that sort of thing). I don’t want my partner to keep it a secret because really, I don’t mind. I would like to know when she’s planning on doing it so I can watch, too, or even if I don’t feel like watching porn, I definitely can get very turned on by her watching it and getting herself off.

I have sometimes wanted my partner to not tell me when she’s done it by herself or even masturbated by herself, because I feel like I’ve missed out. As I said, I like to join in the fun. :)

I wouldn’t want him to hide it- it’s natural. Neither would I insist that I get to watch- I would ask if that’s what he wanted. I think it’s healthy to have self-love and not have one’s own sexuality/sexual experience completely connected to another.

There was a time when I wouldn’t have wanted that but now i wouldn’t care.

I would rather they be honest about watching porn than have an affair.

Wait, whats the general question?

I pick B

I was actually first offended by him watching porn because I didn’t fully understand why he did it, but know that I know why he does it and that it is also used as a stress relief for himself (and I’d rather have him stress free!) I’d actually not mind option B.
The thought of him messing around with himself is kinda hot in its own way. And hey, maybe after a moment or two I can join. ;)

It doesn’t bother me at all if he watches porn. Generally I would like watching it together though :-)

d) Something else? Please specify?

I don’t mind if my boyfriend watches/looks at porn. I wouldn’t watch it with him, but it kind of turns me on. I actually look at porn sometimes, too, just for fun. =] My latest boyfriend and I used to swap porn occasionally to see what we each were into. That’s not weird is it? LOL

I am a female and I watch porn waaaaaay more than my boyfriend does. I also masturbate more than he does by a longshot. Occasionally, we’ve taken to watching porn together and it is always very hot. :)

All things considered, the relationship good and the trust and communication fine, I am gonna say “D”: I don’t have a problem with it. I’ve yet to have a partner who is interested in porn, but if that’s what she needs to help her get off – fine. Masturbation doesn’t mean that there’s a problem with your sex life. It’s just quality time with yourself. If you need a little visual enhancement, so be it.

Now porn in general I do have a problem with. I don’t mean to sound hypocritical, but I do wish we could do without all the negative things that go hand in hand with every film we see. I don’t have to detail it, right? It’s not always two beautiful, consenting well-paid adults in the film, right?

I agree that most porn is both unrealistic and misinforming and far too often ignores the need people have to be acknowledged as a person even in the throes of the most passionate and wildly abandoned sexual acts.

It would be amazing to have people who truly know how to love a partner deeply and passionately devise and direct a wildly erotic film depicting a wide range of sexual activities.

Fortunately or unfortunately, some of us have imaginations too fiery to capture on film!

We sometimes watch porn together anyway so I don’t have a problem at all with him using porn. He knows that I sometimes use porn if he is not available to “help me out” and I fully expect that he does the same. It’s not compulsive on either side so it has never been a threat to our relationship or sex life. If anything it’s a bit of fun every now and again.

He doesn’t watch it. I often suggest we watch it together, which we do sometimes. I love to watch it.

My boyfriend watches porn, and a healthy amount for a guy in a relationship. We are not together everyday, and guys usaully feel more relaxed after a good nut busting, so I don’t mind him doing it when I can’t ;) I have even looked at his porn before in front of him. No biggie. He’s a guy I expect it

Good question, and one that has been relevant to me increasingly of late, something that I have been pondering.

My point of view is complex and many would say hypocritical, in the sense that I like looking at porn and I don’t like my partner to. Up until a week and a half ago, I looked at porn and he didn’t – he always just said he didn’t like it. Then I found some porn on his PC and it upset me. I would add at this point that we are in a long-distance relationship and normally see each other once a week, but on that occasion we had gone two weeks without seeing each other and had also been having some relationship problems. So I can see the porn in context.

We ended up having a long and constructive discussion wherein we established that the issues I have with him looking at porn – ie. feeling insecure, not good enough – are exactly the same as the issues he’s always had with me looking at porn. So we have agreed, both of us, to not look at it. This will be difficult for me but I have managed it so far. I believe he has also.

I said to him, “if you have to look at it, please delete it from your history, but I would rather you didn’t look at it at all”, and that is the truth of the matter. So I guess my answer is a mixture of “A” and “C”. Obviously I do find porn arousing and have thought about looking at it with him but feel like that may trigger some insecurities – maybe not. The night after I found it, I could barely sleep a wink, I was so tormented by these thoughts and they still occur to me now, just imagining every time I see a girl of that type (and they were quite a specific type which is rather different to me), I wonder if he would fancy her. He has done a great deal to reassure me since then, but still the thoughts persist, albeit less frequently.

I would add that I’ve had issues in the past with previous partners looking at porn, and they did so to a much greater extent than my current SO. To meet him and find that he “hardly ever” looks at it (his words) was a wonderful relief, but evidently the issues I had surrounding it are not entirely resolved.

Flutherite feedback would be much appreciated, as this has been playing on my mind for some time. I want to not mind, but I do.

@jo_with_no_space You have a right to feel as you do. Maybe you feel insecure knowing he seems to fantasize about women who look different from you. You may just have to accept that you don’t get to dictate the subject of his fantasies. What really matters is if he loves you and if he chooses to have sexual relations with you alone.

You may not be able to change the fact that you care whether he looks at porn. If you trust that he does not go after other women for sex and you feel good about your relationship, you may have to accept that you are not perfect and actually feel jealous about his fantasies.

@Dr_Lawrence Thank you for your answer.

He’s made it easier for me by agreeing that he wouldn’t look at it, and I have done the same. I would add that while we have been together, he’s only looked at it a few times in over a year. He has always said that he hardly ever finds people attractive as he is picky, and so it shocked me in the first place that he looked at porn recently, as it seemed inconsistent with what he’d said previously.

We have talked about it since, briefly, and he has upheld his end of the bargain, as have I. He has been reassuring about how attractive he finds me, and I’ve always felt that I formed the vast bulk of his sexual fantasies. On the scale of it, I don’t have much to worry about, as I have no fear of him being unfaithful or touting other girls for sex – he is not that kind of person. He does love me, he does choose me solely and the only time his attraction towards me wanes is when we have serious arguments and troubles. In general we are very attracted to each other :)

I guess I’ve got as much resolution as I can for now, and hopefully this will get easier, as it’s still bothering me from time to time at the moment – but then it is still fairly recent.