General Question

Lightlyseared's avatar

How old is too old?

Asked by Lightlyseared (31902points) March 12th, 2008 from iPhone

In a relationship how big an age gap is ok? Would you date someone much older or younger than yourself, say 20+ years?

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20 Answers

squirbel's avatar


Old lady purring at ya? :3

Personally, 20+ in either direction is too extreme for me – I wouldn’t be comfortable.

Riser's avatar

somone 15 years older I’d be comfortable with. I’m 22

I love that you have “cougar” as a tag

dopelope's avatar

10 years up or down is the max for me. Any more than that is creepy.

TheHaight's avatar

I dont think age really is a factors unless being with that older or younger person Isnt going to make you a better person, and brings in negativity. My friend is 19 and once dated a 30 year old that basically was a slacker and mooched off her. He really had no career, lived with his parents, etc, and she just didnt need that. She needed someone similar to her, and he was just not right for her,

kevbo's avatar

I’m with someone 15 years older, and it works because we both have had something to give that the other one has needed. I think it helps (in terms of our public persona) that she’s beautiful (smoking hot, actually) and that she looks younger than her age.

I don’t mean to frame this as a negative, but I think the threshold is your own level of embarrassment. If you know you’re in it for good enough reasons, and you don’t feel like you’re a party to some kind of sick molestation scenario, then age is just a number.

I’ll also add that I’ve been with her for almost three years, which is a record for me. My point in mentioning this is that I haven’t found anyone closer to my age or younger whom I have gelled with in the same way.

If you are a young guy, you’ll probably learn a great deal about women and what you like by dating an older woman. Assuming it doesn’t last forever, you’ll be much more adept at sizing up women your age when you get back into the dating scene.

Lightlyseared's avatar

thanks for all the replys. Out of interest I have been dating someone older for about 6 years now and the age difference has never been an issue. I think any relationship will only work if both parties are compatible. To dismiss someone only based on age is just as short sighted as dissmissing someone based soley on their star sign. That’s not to say it would always work but hey, you should always at least consider it.

kevbo's avatar

If you know your answer to your question, I would very much appreciate you disclosing that up front next time. Thanks.

delirium's avatar

Lmao, not double my age. That’s my rule. XD

Riser's avatar

@Kevbo: to be fair his question wasn’t asking for advice. He was just curious about other’s opinion on the subject, I can see where you felt mislead. I feltthe same way at first.

Highest Regards,

Daniel Riser

kevbo's avatar

I’ll concede that for sure, but it’s still good form. Generally, if I throw out a topic for discussion, I put my point of view in the details section, and I think it’s helpful when others do the same.

We’ve seen others get rankled about religious questions that were structured in much the same way.

@Lightlyseared, et al, it’s just something I would appreciate, and being new as you seem to be combined with all the mud-slinging that’s occurred in the last week over similar circumstances, I thought it would be best to just mention it. Again, thanks.

Riser's avatar

Excellent point Kevbo.

Cardinal's avatar

I am on the verge of going the other way. (I’ll lay it out for kevbo). I think the norm is for the man to be the older and kevbo’s excepted. I am very fond of a lady 15 yrs younger. I am retired, she is not. There certainly isn’t any good looks in consideration here. She is on the other end of the smokin hot spectrum. Quite tall (over 6’) and a little heavy (195#). No one would ever take a second look at her except maybe because of her height. But it is her heart, her soul, her personality and the fun factor when we do things together. She is just as happy laying out in a muddy field taking pictures of birds, or kayaking or going to church on Sunday or sitting around watching TV.

I don’t see age as a limiting factor, except perhaps later in life, the older partner may have concerns about being a burden to the younger partner.

Who said beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder? OR

“Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them.”
David Hume’s Essays, 1742

TheHaight's avatar

aww, I love how you said “but its her heart, her soul,...” that was beautiful cardinal:)

Besafe's avatar

I am married to a hot lady 9 years younger than myself. At now age 68 (55 when I married her) I find she keeps me young. The age diff has not been an issue and has been a plus.

DeezerQueue's avatar

My husband is six years younger than me, and I have dated men 12 years younger than myself and 12 years older. Everyone was comfortable each time. While planning for the future and what one can anticipate, it may be a factor, but there are also the lesser risks that the person you choose to spend your time with at that moment, or forever, could be lost in some other way.

It’s a personal choice that people make, that may come with ridicule or disdain from others if the gap is perceived by them to be too wide. Some will indeed find it “creepy” and others may congratulate you on your audacity.

The choice is ultimately, the individual’s.

cdwccrn's avatar

I married a man 13.5 years my senior when I was 31. We gave been very happy together.
It’s hard now, though, as he faces retirement and I have a number of years left to work.

Ritak1's avatar

Does it matter if you love someone? However, too young is an entirely different question!

borderline_blonde's avatar

I think it can work, but at the same time I’m a strong advocate of dating people that are in the same age group – mostly because when two people are at entirely different stages in their lives, there’s bound to be conflict.

Now if you want to have a fling with someone 20+ years your senior, that’s a different story… ;)

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