Social Question

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

Is there any truth in this relationship article?

Asked by shpadoinkle_sue (7188points) May 1st, 2010

I was checking out the Yahoo news items and the heading for this article link was Why men don’t apporach you. It threw me a bit and then amused me when I looked at what it actually was. It’s a list of 10 things that prevent men from approaching women. The author is a correspondent for Marie Claire. Is this fluff for women or are they real observations from a gentleman’s point of view? What would your reasoning be if these are true or false.

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17 Answers

thriftymaid's avatar

They seem pretty believable to me.

wonderingwhy's avatar

Obviously all of these are highly situational and many come down to gut feeling and most importantly the goal of the conversation. Also, it’s not always about approaching them, it’s about believing the response is likely to be a positive one with relation to my goals.

Very generally, in my experience…

1. You’re Surrounded by Lots (I mean LOTS) of Friends
Not really an issue, if I’m going to talk to you I’m not really concerned that there’re are a dozen people around – I’m not interested in them.

2. You’re Too Hot
You know, I hear about this one, I’ve had friends that have said it’s true. I don’t think I’ll ever properly understand it though. For me, no such thing, in fact it’s probably what drew my attention in the first place.

3. Getting Too Tipsy
If I’m in the same state, non issue, if I’m stone sober, it can be a turn off.

4. Looking Sloppy
Depends, very situational, there are all sorts of different “sloppy” in my book. I mean I’ve struck up interesting conversations with homeless people (most of whom usually fit one definition of it or another), but yeah it can put a stop to it pretty quick depending on my goal.

5. Downer Demeanor
That’ll do it, mostly because when I’m feeling the way I’d rather not be approached. Though even then, I might be tempted enough to give it a shot.

6. You’re With Another Guy In Any Capacity
Heh‚Ķ yeah right. Only if he’s 6’ 6”, 350lbs, looks like he kills people for breakfast, and seems itchin’ to start a fight. Even then… how hot is she?

7. You have a Ring
If you don’t ask how can you know?

8. You seem Busy
Depends, if it looks like you’re at work and harried to the point of losing it sure that’ll stop it. Otherwise, it doesn’t take long to just say a couple words. If anything that might be a reason to talk to you, you need a break.

9. You’re Literally Tough To Catch
Isn’t that part of the thrill of the chase? But yes, there are times when enough’s enough.

10. You’re a Wall Flower
If anything that alone is a reason to talk to you!

Brian1946's avatar

I basically agree with all of them except for # 4.

When I was unattached and dating, the stylishness of a woman wasn’t a priority for me.

ucme's avatar

It is amazing something so simple has always been over complicated,that’s the way the cookie crumbles I suppose,but I never had any problems or issues.I mean she can only say yes or no right?

gemiwing's avatar

Some truth, some bullshit. It really depends on the people, situation and socio-economic status. Some things- such as ‘be stylish’ really depends on the style one is going for and the situation/location. Other things like ‘don’t go to the bathroom with friends’ is just dangerous at some places. So a woman should go to the bathroom alone so some random stranger can come up and chat her up? Just seems odd to me.

I think the article is good for middle of the road people who are looking for middle of the road romance. I think what disturbs me about it is that there is a lot that apparently it’s up to the ‘woman’ to do, according to this article. It’s also reeking of bull from all the calculating, preening and chasing this poor guy is supposed to do to get this non-wall flower but noe-too friendly, pretty but not too pretty girl to even give him the time of day.

It seems like it’s starting both people out as having to wheedle, obey too many damn rules and stalk each other instead of just walking up and saying hello- no matter who goes first.
It’s a bit much. Why not just relax and let it flow?

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I agree with the authors conclusions on the first nine points. The “wallflower” would be attractive to me because that’s my personality type.

Item #2 is a no-brainer to me. “Out of my league” is an automatic reaction, especially for guys with limited social skills or little self confidence in this area.

It’s all academic to me anyway, since I can’t read body language, subtle facial expressions, etc.(Aspergers Syndrome). Not knowing if a lady is interested or not, I’ve always assumed “not” and make no approach.

Also, on item #3, I would think that a well mannered gentleman would not try any approach on a woman who is obviously intoxicated. I wouldn’t want to create the impression of attempting to take advantage of her condition.

gemiwing's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I agree, wallflowers can be really fun and it’s easy to relax and be myself with most of them.

wonderingwhy's avatar

@ucme & @gemiwing for more years than I care to remember I’ve told friends to just go up and say “hi”. I can probably count on one hand the number of times they’ve actually done as such and have heard more excuses for not doing so than I ever thought possible. I’ve never understood it, don’t think I ever will. The worst she can say is “no”. Big deal, pick up and move on.

Heh… unless she has a taser, I suppose.

gemiwing's avatar

@wonderingwhy Same here. Then it becomes ‘oh no! but what if blah blah’. My answer usually goes something like ‘well if you don’t get over there I can tell you one thing that isn’t going to happen’. I think we put too many rules and then we start missing really amazing life experiences.

ucme's avatar

@wonderingwhy Or a an enormous psychopath for a brother.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@gemiwing @wonderingwhy If someone has experienced nothing but rejection in this area, it’s perfectly rational to stop trying at a certain point.

Kismet's avatar

Wow, this is a rather interesting conversation, and I agree with what has all been said. So don’t mind me I just wanna watch the conversation more. :)

jerv's avatar

I am with @stranger_in_a_strange_land on this one; the first nine are pretty accurate, but #10 really only applies to normal guys, so if its true at all then he and I wouldn’t know since we aren’t exactly “normal”.

Also, I feel that #5 is especially true. In fact, there are times where I wont even go near my wife for that exact reason. After being with her as long as I have, I can read her fairly well and she _is tough to be around when she is down.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land That is why it’s easier to go after women you already know in some capacity and have seen around. Reading strangers is difficult at best, but trend analysis is comparatively easy.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Seems to me as if that list is pretty accurate, especially the one about smiling.

Ludy's avatar

There are no rules, when you really want something (really) you do everything you can to get it/her/him/ etc etc…Sometimes might be true those things but we should not generalize

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@jerv You’re right about that. I met the wonderful lady who became my wife under non-social, non-employment circumstances.

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