Social Question

Ame_Evil's avatar

What causes us to feel sad when "alone"? And why?

Asked by Ame_Evil (3041points) May 1st, 2010

Some philosophy here.

Why do we feel sad when alone (sometimes)? Why are we driven to find a partner in life to be with even after we have fertilised her eggs? (or whatever the female equivalent is).

I understand we have a ‘drive’ in order to seek a partner, but I am just wondering what the cause for this is. I am unsatisfied with the single evolutionary explanation that it is to have children and bring them up. I want to know about the cognitive factors working here and possibly how they developed.

Now gogogo speculate and philosophise.

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10 Answers

El_Cadejo's avatar

Because you’re extroverted. I on the other hand am introverted, I want nothing more than to be alone away from people and society as a whole. When I am alone it makes me happy, it makes me feel relaxed and re-energized.

Ame_Evil's avatar

Sorry I was probably unclear. I didn’t mean for individual difference factors such as that. I just wanted to know why do people seek a partner to spend their rest of their life with. Why does such a drive exist which means we are unhappy when we are not fulfilling it?

Coloma's avatar

Because…on the pure level of form, we are the ‘other half’ of the big picture, the male/female energies.

On a spiritual level we need nothing from outside to ‘complete’ us.

The only good and healthy reason to want to be in relationship is because you want to GIVE!

Usually it is a lack of spiritual grounding that drives one to seek, because they are more interested in receiving than giving.

There is no shame in wanting a loving relationship but one must realize they are whole & complete already within.

When you are truly at peace with yourself, then you are really ready to be in relationship.

Trillian's avatar

Because we’re hardwired that way. We are social creatures and the desire for simple companionship is part of who and what we are. It drives us to seek out others of our kind with whom to form a bond of mutual society and help. We crave that “other” so we can share those simple pleasures as well as support each other when all is not right.
Just having a person to whom we can turn and say “Look at that sunset” is a need at once profound and intrinsic.

marinelife's avatar

Because life is a journey, and it is much more fun not traveling alone.

wundayatta's avatar

Loneliness, for some people, makes us lose touch with who we are. We only make sense in relationship to other people, so when that relationship is not there, our personhood begins to fuzzify (that’s the technical term ;-).

For me, I don’t think I make any sense without relating to other people. My work is to assist others to the best of my ability. I belong in a matrix of relationships, because I don’t make sense otherwise. My life, in a vacuum, or without other people—well, it’s pointless.

My loneliness gets pretty intense. I feel it in my chest and stomach like I’ve been hit by a medicine ball. I stop wanting to eat, and I start thinking about killing myself. I have no reason; no excuse without other people.

This is just a general feeling of loneliness. It gets even more intense when it comes down to feeling validated at some core level. For that, I need someone I absolutely trust to understand me and to be on my side and to accept me unequivocally. They must want to be physically intimate with me as a way of sealing all the rest. We are each utterly interested in each other and we feel the full potential of our existences in relationship to each other.

For me, this kind of relationship is essential. I will die without it. It is too painful for me to live without that kind of relationship. It is painful enough when I have most of that but not all of it. If I lost a sense of myself when not in a relationship with the matrix of humans, then without this kind of relationship, I can’t even feel myself. I feel empty and useless and completely unconnected to anything. In other words, lonely as hell, and unable to go on. I don’t even believe that if I do go on, I will be able to connect with someone else. My self-esteem plummets. My ability to do anything sinks to nothing. I start thinking no one cares and no one likes me or loves me and no one will notice if I’m gone and I start setting about trying to destroy that which is in my life, so that I can feel comfortable letting go of life.

That’s just a little bit on what makes me sad when alone. It is a hell that is impenetrable and uninhabitable. I’ve always been like this. Sometimes it is so bad that I need to try to establish these kinds of relationships with more than one person. This never works for very long, and when it ends, it is worse for me. Worse each time than the time before. Sometimes I wonder how long I can last, for it has been such a long time without a connection like that.

Coloma's avatar

You need to develop that grinding need for connection by connecting with yourself.

Anything you think you ‘need’ you can give to yourself right now.

Silhouette's avatar

Like most higher primates, humans are social by nature. We are pack animals.

lostman's avatar

@uberbatman if you really want to be alone and away from society then why do you join a group like this where people express there questions and opinions, if you stay in and dont get out then how can you truly answer any other question then this. Back to the point, people have a need to feel wanted or important, finding a loved one fulfills this gap that we feel because it gives us somebody that will always be there for us through the good times and even the bad. Yes I think everybody has an unknown want to pass on there genes and produce offspring or else we wouldn’t have kids or these women or men who are not even married trying to have kids.

nebule's avatar

because we are not truly connected to our inner self…when we are and love that person we feel happy and content

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