Social Question

rebbel's avatar

72 year old 'pregnant' from 26 year old?

Asked by rebbel (27805points) May 2nd, 2010

Not only she seems quite old (to have a baby), but there also is a big age gap between her and her lover.
Who is, by the way, also her biological grandson.
Here you can read the story.
What do you think?
Should she yes or no be having a baby in the first place (age-wise)?
(The baby is going to be carried by a surrogate-mother.)
Is it an incestual relation (even though she was not aware of his existence for most part of her life)?

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162 Answers

chels's avatar

Quick note: She’s not having the baby, they have a surrogate mother.

rebbel's avatar

@chels
Thanks, i just edited it, after i re-read the question.

Trillian's avatar

This is gross, and I feel sorry for the baby having to grow up under such a cloud.

prolificus's avatar

I regret reading the link. I second @OreetCocker and @Trillian!!!

YoH's avatar

What do I think? Thought I’d heard it all!

Finley's avatar

@chels granted she isn’t pregnant, she still has sex with her grandson multiple times a week. The article goes into too much detail. If they don’t want people bullying them don’t quote your first sexual experience with your grandson.

john65pennington's avatar

She will be 92 when her child is 20. unfair to the child.

Does this give new meaning to “inbred” or what?

Seaofclouds's avatar

I believe it is still an incestuous relationship, but it’s really their choice. The baby will not be hers biologically, so at least the baby isn’t inbred. I hope they find a way to raise that baby without the baby suffering for their choice.

Mostly I feel bad for the baby. At 72 years old, who knows how long she’ll be there for that child.

Trillian's avatar

I feel a little…

Ludy's avatar

I think I’m gonna be sick

PandoraBoxx's avatar

The Harold-Maude thing is not so hard to grasp after you’ve watched Harold and Maude, but the whole idea of having sexual relations with your grandson is downright creepy, and incestuous. It’s flat-out wrong.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Relax. It’s not incest: “The couple then decided to use Mrs Carter’s retirement money to find a surrogate mother and buy a donor egg to inseminate with Mr Bailey’s sperm.”

Ludy's avatar

so it’s not incest if she is not having the baby even tough the fuck each other?

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I’m assuming the happy couple is having conjugal relations?

chyna's avatar

“They became lovers soon after meeting..” @CaptainHarley That is incest.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Most of you seem to believe that 72 is “sooo old!” I’ll be 67 this month and that’s only 3 years from 70. Relax, grow up, and kindly allow people my age to have a life too.

Ludy's avatar

Would you think it’s ok to have sex w/ your grandaughter @CaptainHarley ?

Finley's avatar

@CaptainHarley you are old if you are 67. We never said you couldn’t have a life.. just that she is old. and you can “have a life” without having sex with your grandson.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Holy $hit,Batman!!;)

Arisztid's avatar

I think the main problem here is that the grandmother is going to be mothering the child. I am very glad that they are not able to have a child themselves because of the genetic problems involved.

The problem is that she is unlikely to live long enough to raise this child. The grandson is going to be a single parent.

I am not certain of the incest laws but I believe they include having sex with a close family member and, thus, this qualifies. Personally, I do not care if they do not have children (with each other) about the incest part. This is also past the time when this relationship will disrupt the family.

I think they should have thought a bit harder about this child and the hell s/he is going to face about the relationship and that s/he is going to be raised part of his/her lifespan by a single parent. That child is going to go through hell because of their relationship. Children going through hell because of same sex parents? That is going to be pattycakes next to this.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@chyna

The only biological reason for the taboo against incest is the malformed babies that often result. In some states, it’s legal to marry your 1st cousin.

poofandmook's avatar

It says right in the article that they have sex 3 times a week. That is incest.

@CaptainHarley: 72 is too old to try and raise a baby because it is not fair to the child, who will most likely suffer a great loss very early in life… very traumatic. And, you wouldn’t have an incestuous relationship with your granddaughter, would you? That’s the whole issue, at least for me… I don’t give a crap how old they are. Just that they’re related.

I really feel ill. Is this real? Is it April 1st? Are you sure this isn’t from The Onion?

chyna's avatar

@Finley 67 is not old! You will think it’s young when you creep closer to it.

Silhouette's avatar

What do I think? In a word, yuck.

Ludy's avatar

cousin is way different than a grandson!!!

Seaofclouds's avatar

Technically she will be the mother and great-grandmother to this baby….imagine trying to explain that to your friends when your a teenager.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Silhouette

I presume you think that you were concieved by parthenogenisis? : )

casheroo's avatar

Okay, I don’t care how old they are and having sex…whatever, I’ll be old and going at it still.
It’s the whole grandson thing that is just gross to me. I don’t understand why they came forward with their story…no one wants to hear it.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Look…. I don’t like the idea of incest any better than the rest of you, but since they are not having a biological child together, why all the fuss??

Finley's avatar

@chyna it’s old. you are at the ⅔ mark of your life. your body restricts you to do a lot of things you once were. Just shy of 70? I think older people convince themselves that its not old but when you actually think about it, it is.

Ludy's avatar

@CaptainHarley :so are you saying you would?

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Finley

I think you delude yourself. Wish I could talk to you when you turn 65! : D

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Ludy

Me? “Would” what??

Ludy's avatar

HAVE SEX W YOUR GRANDAUGHTER?

Finley's avatar

@CaptainHarley 1) this is the equivalent of a 56 year old having sex with a 10 year old. 2) grandmother—> sex with grandson, inhumane. 3) the baby will be the great-granddaughter of the woman. 3) She’ll be bullied and ridiculed at school 4) She’ll be dead before the kid gets to live even half of her life 5) Its unfair to everyone.

that, my old friend, is the BIG DEAL

@Ludy agreed.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Ludy Good God no! What do you take me for??

Ludy's avatar

that’s how it sounded, that you think it’s ok

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Finley

1. You are incorrect here. The young man is over 18, and his grandmother most definitely is as well.
2. What is your rationale for its being “inhumane,” pray tell?
3. the baby will be no biological relation to the grandmother whatsoever.
4. People get bullied and ridiculed at school for having the “wrong” sort of jeans on, for God’s sake!
5. Parents die every day, why would this be any diffirent?
6. IN YOUR OPINION, it’s unfair to everyone. Obviously, they disagree.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@CaptainHarley Biologically the women would be the baby’s great-grandmother (since is is biologically her grandson’s child).

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Seaofclouds

You are correct. My apologies.

CaptainHarley's avatar

There’s an object lesson here. Anyone know what it is??

Finley's avatar

@CaptainHarley

1. I’m just clarifying the age difference, you’re right, age wise it is legal, but honestly she was 46 years old when he was born.
2. inhumane?? common sense! its incest, this has been covered already.
3. She will be biologically related to it seeing as it is her grandsons child. So you are wrong there.
4. Jeans are much different than having the same biological parents. There is not even room for comparison there.
5. Why would this be different? Most parents live to see their kids graduate, marry, have kids. There is a good chance she won’t see that. This is different because its hard losing a parent young, i would know.
6. in my opinion? I’m not the only one here with this opinion. You read the article, you know how the public is reacting. Honestly, they are TMI with this.

Arisztid's avatar

Biologically the child is only related to the father.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Arisztid And the father is her grandson, making his child her great-grandchild. So she would be biologically the childs great-grandmother, but raising the child as it’s mother.

Ludy's avatar

I know: Do not have sex within your family or with relatives, even if in some states is legal, is disgusting :P

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@Finley I’d like to check back with you in a few years when (& if) you live to be 67. We’ll see how old you think it is then!

chyna's avatar

@Arisztid Not true. The father is the biological grandson of the woman. The baby will have her genes as well.

chyna's avatar

@Ludy West Virginia has now outlawed sex with relatives. :)

Ludy's avatar

it’s not about the age, he is her grandson!!!

liminal's avatar

@CaptainHarley would you feel the same way had she been around her grandson while he was growing up?

MacBean's avatar

@Ludy: Thinking something is okay doesn’t mean you’d do it. I think pot should be legalized but I don’t use it. I don’t think extreme body mods are freakish or gross but I’m not going to get a corset piercing or anything. My friend Toby’s mohawk is frickin’ awesome but I don’t want one.

@Finley: Are you sure you know what “inhumane” means?

Personally, I don’t give a crap that they’re in a relationship. Whatever. Not my business who anybody sleeps with. I think having a child is a poor choice, though. Things are gonna suck for that kid.

DominicX's avatar

Personally, I don’t give a crap that they’re in a relationship. Whatever. Not my business who anybody sleeps with. I think having a child is a poor choice, though. Things are gonna suck for that kid.

Pretty much sums up my view as well. Sure, it’s “gross” and it’s no relationship I would ever consider, but the people are consenting adults. Why should other people control what they do amongst themselves?

Finley's avatar

@MacBean

i meant to say
**inhuman: not suited for human beings, not human

CaptainHarley's avatar

@liminal

How I FEEL about it and what the facts of the case show are two entirely different things.

There are two things at work here:

1. The same rampant agism I have seen on here before. This is something which has absolutely no basis in fact. It’s prejudice, pure and simple.

2. The very strong taboo against incest. This I FEEL as much as any of you. My point is that there is no basis in biological fact for all this furor. Life is hard enough for most people without us adding to it through our prejudices and/or our expressions of disgust at a situation which harms us in NO way!

liminal's avatar

@CaptainHarley I wasn’t sure if you thought her not raising him played into the dynamics of their relationship.

MacBean's avatar

@Finley: Gotcha. I wondered if that was what you meant.

deni's avatar

what the hell? why is this announced in the news? they’re just asking for attention and “bullying”....i seriously cant tell if this article is real or fake? it seems fake. it is way too fuckin weird.

chels's avatar

@Finley I wasn’t trying to make it seem like getting a surrogate makes things any better. I was just stating facts that the OP forgot to mention in the initial description of the question. He worded it as though the grandmother was having the baby, which is not the case.

Silhouette's avatar

@CaptainHarley Nope but I’m pretty damed sure my father isn’t my mothers son.

MacBean's avatar

@everyone who’s hoping this is fake news—Sorry. I’ve seen this story from a couple different news sources that don’t print jokes/satire/&c.

ucme's avatar

Sigh!!!

netgrrl's avatar

Jeez, guys, if you found out your 72 year old neighbor was taking in her son or daughters baby for some reason, you’d be calling her a saint, not screaming she’s too old.

I don’t agree w it for several reasons, but I think you’re getting a little hysterical.

liminal's avatar

@CaptainHarley btw, what is the object lesson?

CaptainHarley's avatar

Everyone who is getting all excited about this issue needs to closely examine their own prejudices and beliefs with an eye to whether their feelings are overriding their good judgment. THAT is the object lesson!

BTW… where are all the liberals who would be up in arms at obvious prejudice against interracial marriage ( whatever THAT is! )?

Seaofclouds's avatar

@netgrrl If she was taking in her son or daughter’s baby, she would still be just it’s grandmother. She wouldn’t be both it’s mother and great-grandmother and sleeping with her grandson….big difference.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Seaofclouds

I thought we already established that the grandmother was NOT the baby’s mother, or am I missing something here??

Seaofclouds's avatar

@CaptainHarley She won’t be the baby’s biological mother but legally she will be the mother and she will be raising the child as it’s mother. The baby will grow up calling her mom (that’s what I was referring to).

netgrrl's avatar

@seaofclouds She’s is only related to the child through the man. There is no incest here.

eden2eve's avatar

This article would be completely uninteresting to me, except for the fact that they are choosing to bring an innocent child into the “family”. The, albiet vast, different in their ages is not important to me. Probably, many of us have been involved in relationships with disparate ages. If it works for the individuals, it’s all ok, IMHO.

But the fact that these two are so closely biologically related puts a whole new slant on the situation. The article says that they “could face prison for incest.” Therefore we can state without equivocation that their relationship is illegal in their culture. In that event, what will happen to that unfortunate child? It also concerns me that the child will be aware of the nature of his/her parents’ unorthodox relationship. I think this is a very selfish idea, and that it should be reconsidered before the sad effects are manifest.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@netgrrl The woman and her grandson have an incestuous relationship. The child is not from incest, but will be raised calling the woman and her grandson “Mom and Dad”. So legally the woman would be the childs mother and great-grandmother at the same time.

CaptainHarley's avatar

You may as well reconcile yourself to a changing world. This isn’t even scratching the surface of what we’re going to see in the next few decades. What are you going to do when a man becomes a surrogate mother of his dead wife’s egg which was inpregnated with his own sperm? Get a grip on your sanity, ‘cause that sort of thing is on the way!

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Seaofclouds

Legally, we have NO idea of the implications!

Seaofclouds's avatar

@CaptainHarley When you use a surrogate mother, the surrogate does not have legal rights to the child after it is born. That is why I say legally this woman will be the mother. Biologically she is the great-grandmother. It’s just a crazy situation for this child and I feel bad for it.

liminal's avatar

Since 1. she didn’t raise her grandson and 2. her eggs are not involved what other ethical issues are to be considered?

So far I have heard:
*potentially leaving the child motherless at an early age

what else am I missing?

MacBean's avatar

Get a grip on your sanity, ‘cause that sort of thing is on the way!

Get a grip on your hysteria, ‘cause no it isn’t.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Seaofclouds

And two homosexuals adopting and raising a child is NOT a “crazy situation?”

CaptainHarley's avatar

@MacBean

Ohhh yes, it is!

liminal's avatar

“And two homosexuals adopting and raising a child is NOT a “crazy situation?”

No, captain harley, it is not.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@CaptainHarley Not to me. This situation is crazy to me because when people ask this young child why her mother is so much older than her dad, she is going to know and eventually may have to explain that her “mother” is her dad’s grandmother. That is what is crazy about it.

If they weren’t bringing a child into, it wouldn’t matter. I just feel bad for the child.

MacBean's avatar

Awesome. The gay community has been brought into it. Who wants to complete the idiocy and compare homosexuality and incest to bestiality now?

prolificus's avatar

@CaptainHarley – What do same-sex couples parentings a child have to do with a 72-yr-old grandmother having weekly sex with her 26-yr-old grandson?

PandoraBoxx's avatar

1. I would find the age difference unusual but understandable.
2. Having a baby with a surrogate mother is not unheard of; I know of a gay young man who did this because he was an only child of conservative parents, and they wanted the family name to continue. He’s raising his son.
3. 72 year old men have children with younger women all the time – Cary Grant comes to mind.
4. Being a single parent and living with your grandparent who helps you raise it? No problem there.
5. Sex with your grandson? Nope. Wrong, wrong, wrong!!!!
6. Grandma using her retirement savings to buy a baby for her grandson? That one has some issues too.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@liminal

Oh? Care to explain to me how this is an essential difference, and not just a difference in kind?

Finley's avatar

@CaptainHarley interracial marriage a lot different and a lot easier. More and more interracial couples are having kids. The school I’m associated with has multiple interracial parents and all of the fellow parents and their kids don’t find it odd in the least. Interracial marriage and same biological relationships are entirely different. People are born gay, they can’t change that and there is nothing wrong with it. Having sex with your grandmother and then having a child with her something different entirely.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Finley

Just a matter of degree.

chyna's avatar

Deleted by me as it was in bad taste.

wundayatta's avatar

Incest is a great taboo these days, but it wasn’t always so. I do believe that in Egypt, pharaohs often married brother to sister and father to daughter in order to preserve the purity of the line.

These days it is a reflexive yuck thing, but that’s due to socialization. The prohibition obviously comes from the difficulties that occur when a genetic line gets too inbred.

The other weird thing here is the age range. Man 26. Woman 72? What is that all about? I think both of them have been trying to figure out who they are all their lives. He sought his parents, and she sought her offspring. These are both activities people engage in when seeking identity.

They found each other, and that was a shock and a joy and a relief all at once. They look like each other and think like each other and since they never knew each other all their lives (familiarity breeding contempt), this recognition was enough to perhaps make them feel like “soulmates.” Of course, I’m sure they had to get over the age and incest taboos, but since they both felt interested in each other, it wasn’t so hard. Both being pretty lonely and finding someone who seemed so well connected helped, too.

Does she want to be a mother? I kind of think she’s living in fantasy land. But he could well want to be a father.

Of course, this could all be a hoax of some kind. Maybe to discredit the health system in the country (is it England?), where anyone who wants to can have a surrogacy paid for by the state.

But it seems pretty ridiculous to me. Hard to believe. And even if it is, I’m not sure I’m prepared to be shocked. This is truly attention-seeking, and very manipulative. I’m not inclined to pay it any more attention. Although I may pay this discussion more attention.

liminal's avatar

@CaptainHarley I still haven’t decided what I think about this situation. I am still trying to decide if it is the heterosexuals doing crazy stuff again.~ I am asking questions and listening.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@liminal

Dude, it’s ALL crazy when compared to the traditional relationships us OLD people grew up with. Hang on, ‘cause it’s about to get a LOT crazier!

CaptainHarley's avatar

I predict that within the next two decades, a man will carry his own clone to term as surrogate mother.

MacBean's avatar

@CaptainHarley: I predict that if you don’t keep thoughts like that to yourself, the nice men in white coats are going to come for you.

eden2eve's avatar

@CaptainHarley , are you funnin’ all these young un’s?

CaptainHarley's avatar

@eden2eve

Well, perhaps a BIT tongue-in-cheek, but the lesson is still the same: we need to be aware of how our own prejudices and preconcieved notions color our responses to the new and different.

CaptainHarley's avatar

LMAO @MacBean

Those things I mention have all been the subject of science fiction stories, although not as far-fetched as one might at first color assume! : D

LostInParadise's avatar

In addition to moral problems regarding incest there are definite health risks related to inbreeding. There is also the question of just how healthy the mother’s egg cells were at age 72. I would think it likely that the kid will be born with genetic deficiencies.

Finley's avatar

@LostInParadise its a surrogate mother.. shes too old to have a baby

Seaofclouds's avatar

@LostInParadise They didn’t use the ladies egg, they got a donor egg.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Finley

Your agism is showing, young phoole!

Silhouette's avatar

Incest isn’t yucky just because it can cause birth defects it’s yucky because the bonds a woman feels for her child or in this case her grandchild should be nonsexual. The woman isn’t wired right.

DominicX's avatar

@Silhouette

Yes, but is “yucky” a reason to make it illegal?

liminal's avatar

@LostInParadise Given that her eggs are not being used and she didn’t raise her grandson what are the ethical issues in this situation?

liminal's avatar

@Silhouette but did she have the opportunity to form those bonds? are such bonds genetic?

chels's avatar

@liminal I think just the fact that the grandmother and grandson are having sex and “in love”. People hear ”grandmother and grandson are in a relationship, having sex, and having a surrogate mother give birth to their child” and it just turns them off.

eden2eve's avatar

Some legal definitions of incest can be found Here .

prolificus's avatar

Non-Issues:

1. 72-yr-old having a child.
2. 26-yr-old and 72-yr-old lovers.

Main Issue:

Biological incest. Even though grandson grew up without knowing the grandmother, incest is still taking place because it is between two biological relatives (who are closer biologically than second cousins). As @wundayatta said – in our society, it’s taboo. Even though they aren’t producing offspring as a result of incest, the relationship goes against societal ethics, standards, etc. and the laws of nature.

The problem is, though… if the argument is that the relationship goes against society and nature, then this argument would ban a wide-variety of relationships that don’t fit “normal society.”

What standards are we using to say a lover-relationship between two biological, non-offspring-producing, people is wrong?

liminal's avatar

@chels That makes sense. My experience and learning tells me that incest = abuse. Yet, this situation is making me wonder if this is always the case. I am not sure I see the abusive factor in this particular relationship. This question is pushing my pre-conceived ideas.

CaptainHarley's avatar

In actuality, I am repulsed and disgusted at the familial sex as much as are any of you, but then again I FEEL repulsed by the idea of a homosexual couple having a child together, That is prejudiced thought as a direct result of the way I was raised, and I recognize it as such. Would that society were as understanding of “elder sex.”

CaptainHarley's avatar

@liminal

You understand! : ))

chels's avatar

@liminal Yeah. To me, incest is gross. However that’s not the case for everyone. Plus, who am I to judge people who have chose this way of life? It’s because they’re biologically and genetically linked that makes it disgusting to people. Everyone has their opinions, but it’s hateful to bash on people just because we think that what they’re doing is “morally” and “ethically” wrong. But hey, it’s just like anything else in this world. Haters gonna hate.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Oh, and by the way @Finley… my doctors tell me I have less than 3 years to live ( something I refuse to accept ), so it’s closer to 15/16 ths of my life remaining, if they are to be believed.

prolificus's avatar

Someone I know has enjoyed reading porn about incestuous relationships among adults. There’s a whole genre, not just in the porn industry, about these types of relationships. For some, it appears to be “normal” for them.

Silhouette's avatar

@DominicX No, but then again they shouldn’t have to.

DominicX's avatar

@Silhouette

But they are. The point I’m making is that as gross as we think this is, that isn’t grounds to try and pry them apart or make it illegal for them to have a relationship.

liminal's avatar

@prolificus you taught me something new today.

laureth's avatar

One comment and I’m getting out of this train wreck of a topic.

I find it interesting that some of the same people who are against government intervention into private lives are all about social intervention into other peoples’ lives. It’s extra funny when you consider that we, the people, are OK interfering with them, but “We the People” are not.

Carry on.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t care that they’re having sex – they’re consensual adults (incest, to me, implies a power relationship between an adult and a child they’re related to). There are a lot of things in this situation that people will raise eyebrows about but so what? Even if she dies, the father will take care of his child. People with cancer and other terminal illnesses often choose to have kids as well though they know they won’t be around. It is their choice and since the child is only biologically his, there are no issues with genetics.

Silhouette's avatar

@DominicX In my town it’s illegal to spit on the sidewalk so…....The law? No not really my issue, the moral implications, yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.

dutchbrossis's avatar

Age difference doesn’t matter. At least it is a surrogate mother. Simone is right, the child will still have its father.

prolificus's avatar

Incest in popular culture (wikipedia article).

So… if it is “normal” for some, and it is consensual… What standards are we using to say a lover-relationship between two biological, non-offspring-producing, people is wrong?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@prolificus Whatever standards people are comfortable with and whatever the tradition is…it’s all subjective. To me it’s not wrong. Saying ‘ewww’ is not a good enough argument against it.

prolificus's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – my first reaction was ’e w w w w w w’’. But, I think it’s because I was a victim of incest when I was a child. I don’t know how my reaction would have been if I hadn’t been a victim of incest.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Huh. I wonder how much they got paid to share their story.

I’m wondering about shenanigans. The surrogate called them “a brilliant pair.” What American uses that phrase? Brit papers do that a lot; “quoting” Americans or other English-speaking people outside the UK using phrases that aren’t even in the speaker’s regional idiom.

liminal's avatar

@aprilsimnel @Simone_De_Beauvoir same here, hopefully enough for their child’s college education.

@prolificus I look for dynamics of abuse.

prolificus's avatar

@liminal – so, incest between consenting adults is a non-issue for you, as long as there’s no abuse?

holden's avatar

I’d say leave them alone. They are both consenting adults and the child will not be a product of incest. Sure it’s fucked up but as far as parenting goes there are worse things they could be doing.

netgrrl's avatar

@prolificus It’s certainly a non-issue for me if there’s no abuse, both parties are consenting adults, and they aren’t having a child that belongs to them both biologically.

(I was an incest survivor as well.)

liminal's avatar

@prolificus no current abuse and no history of abuse.

edit: I think it is important to consider power dynamics when thinking about abuse.

prolificus's avatar

@netgrrl – ooops, I meant to say survivor and not victim.

prolificus's avatar

@DominicX – yes, “yuck” and ”ewww” should be a reason!!!! ~ ~

netgrrl's avatar

@prolificus I tend to say the same thing – I was a “victim as a child”, a survivor now.

ubersiren's avatar

I pride myself on being extremely open about all sorts of people and choices. Their age gap doesn’t hurt anyone, and incest doesn’t hurt anyone… unless a child is conceived. Then there is potential for harm.

wundayatta's avatar

Maybe the worst thing about this is the in your face nature of it. They want the publicity. They seem to deliberately want to shock people. Silliness!

tinyfaery's avatar

Okay by me.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@laureth

Excellent point! : )

Ludy's avatar

@liminal just because a dad didn’t rise his daughter for 30 years or been in touch w/ her gives him the “ok” to have sexual relations w/ her

Ludy's avatar

wait a second, is this even a real story??? The granny and the grandson? I had to ask:P

liminal's avatar

@Ludy I never said it was.

Ludy's avatar

“Since 1. she didn’t raise her grandson and 2. her eggs are not involved what other ethical issues are to be considered?

So far I have heard:
*potentially leaving the child motherless at an early age

what else am I missing?”

That’s what i meant

liminal's avatar

@Ludy I was asking a question, not making a statement.

poofandmook's avatar

I meant to reply to someone earlier, and didn’t, and now I’m too lazy to read through this whole thing to find the thing I wanted to reply to. so

To whoever said that if the woman was taking in the child because his parents died or whatever, everyone would consider her a saint:

Yes, they absolutely would, and she would be. She would be doing a wonderful thing for the kid, trying to give him/her a home after such a huge loss. But this woman is willingly setting the child up to suffer through something no child ever should, and that’s losing a parent at an early age. So many adults don’t even have the skills to cope with losing a parent, nevermind a child.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

I am totally against any sort of bullying and taunting and I agree with a live and let live attitude, but this I consider yet another freak accident of nature, the natural process gone wrong. Good luck to the poor mite that will be born out of this odd couple!

Ludy's avatar

then sorry about that ! :(

MacBean's avatar

@aprilsimnel: ”What American uses that phrase?” ... [raises hand]

stardust's avatar

It makes me feel sad, angry, deflated that a kid is going to be born into this situation :(

OpryLeigh's avatar

Although I feel a bit “grossed out” after reading their story it does not effect me and so I will try not to judge them for something that I feel disgusted by (ie: someone having a sexual relationship with their grandparent.) However, I do think it is unfair on the child, who, like others have said, will a: have to grow up with the stigma of his/her parents “situation” and b: will have a very old mother who is likely to suffer ill health (due to old age) and death while the child is still very young. It seems unfair that someone so young should have to deal with losing their mother to old age while they are probably still in school.

aprilsimnel's avatar

@MacBean – Ha! Well-played. I would too, but you know what I mean!

Fernspider's avatar

I agree with @MacBean, @DominicX & @Simone_De_Beauvoir

I personally wouldn’t form a sexual relationship with a family member but don’t consider it wrong for two consenting adults to do so.

For a couple to engage in sexual gradification – consenting adults – who is it hurting? As expressed earlier, “yucky” shouldn’t preclude them from being together.

I personally wouldn’t have a baby at 72 either but then again, I wouldn’t choose to have one at 16 either.

pinkgirl02's avatar

Oh my god, grandson that is disgusting.

laureth's avatar

Apparently, they do not find it so disgusting. :) Good thing so many of us aren’t them, eh?

Arisztid's avatar

I have been a bit busy to pay much attention to this since I first commented quite a bit up ago.

From what I understand, the child is being born via surrogate mother, the grandmother in question is not supplying the egg (they paid $54,000 for the surrogate mother and to purchase a donor egg). Thus, the child is not being put at risk genetic malformations by inbreeding or being carried and borne by someone above the safe age to do so.

I see a lot of ageism in this thread as well as objection to incest. I do not see any reason people of these ages should not be together. Others in this thread have dialed the ages back to, say, 62 and 16.

That is not a valid comparison. 26 is quite a bit more mature in every way than 16. I see that comparison as grasping at straws.

I see two problems with this relationship:

1) the child is, almost certainly, going to have his/her mother die early in his/her life.
2) the child is going to face hell from his/her peers.

As far as the above:
1) my mother died giving birth to me. Many other people’s parents die before the child is mature.
2) yes, this is a problem, even more so than children of same sex parents. While the child is going to face teasing due to this, it is actually society that is to blame on this one. In no way am I minimizing the problems this child shall face, I am simply laying blame where I believe it falls.

As far as incest goes, I have three problems with it, none of which are present in this relationship:

1) inbreeding. As everyone knows, genetic problems result from this. This is not occurring.
2) interfering with the family dynamics. In this case this is not a problem. Both are adults, neither dependent on the other in a familial way.
3) not being a mutually consensual relationship between individuals who are mature enough to give consent. In this case both parties are of the age of consent and, from everything I have read, the maturity and self awareness needed to give consent is present.

So, basically, I see no problem with the relationship other than the following: the problem I see is one that is going to be imposed on the child by society. I am not dismissing or minimizing the problem, rather stating the problem exactly for what it is. If it were not for that problem, I would have no issues at all with this relationship.

laureth's avatar

@Arisztid – GA. I am totally with you in your reasoning.

One of the things I like to point out with situations like this (usually about kids that have gay parents) is that people think it’s wrong in part because “society will give them hell.” This is true – society does give us hell. But it’s the same hell-dispensing society that says that they shouldn’t have kids because hell will be gotten. If society just decided not to give hell, society wouldn’t have a problem with it because there would be no hell to get. It’s like a circle.

Of course, people don’t think about the choices they make being part of the choices that society makes. Oh, no. Everyone is a special snowflake – and society is everybody else out there.

Arisztid's avatar

@laureth Thankyou much. :)

I agree with you also about people not thinking about the choices they make based on the society they live in.

While I have no problems with this couple other than their having this child and the fact that it is due to society that the child is going to catch hell, I do have a problem with them overlooking what that child is going to endure.

Every one of us, unless we are absolute mainstreamers, got hell in school. I got it for being a Gypsy and long haired, others get it for same sex parents, for being overweight/underweight, for red/blonde/black hair, for being [enter thing here], you (probably) got it for something equally as dumb. This child is going to get it for something just as stupid as what we got it for but the parents should have taken that into account.

Now, with the pressure to accept homosexual parents (something I agree with), children of same sex couples are going to get less hell. I do not think that children of a couple like these two are ever going to be accepted… this is never going to be a mainstream thing.

I understand their desire to have a child out of love but, if I was in their situation, I would choose to not do it for the child’s sake.

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