Wouldn't you be treated like a king in hell?

Now, to explain first…my complete ignorance of the Bible or any religious teachings of any kind. This is a mere wondering that I would hope, people with a better understanding of Heaven & Hell & there teachings could shed some light on. So please, no attacking me on my uneducated spewings, I am just a wonderer. I personally don’t believe in Heaven/Hell, this is a hypothetical, but to religious folk, I suppose it’s taken more seriously.

How I understand Heaven & Hell. Obviously, Being Good on earth = “Welcome to heaven, may I take your coat?” Being hateful, sinful & murderous on Earth = “Welcome to Hell, here is your Kenny G cd.” ;) Now, how I thought things went, Devil was the red, sinister looking demon who ran the underworld. I’m fuzzy on just how he became that way, something maybe about him pissing off God or such.

So the question is, if on Earth, you act & do what the Devil would do, then when you die & ‘go to Hell’ wouldn’t the Devil be grateful for what you did? Since you were imitating him, which is the highest form of flattery, he would treat you with a great amount of respect? Like a Doctor whose son finished medical school, top of his class…the Devil would pull you under his arm & give you a noogie & say, “That’s my boy!”

If not, could someone explain why the Devil, the ruler of the damned & wicked would not be happy to see you knocking at his door? I mean, God is always portrayed as being delighted to welcome the newcomers to Heaven. Why not the same for Hell?

Again, please no attacking me on my ignorance. I may not have ever stepped into a church, or cracked open a Bible, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to learn a little something about the ol’ h, e, double hockey sticks, ya know?