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Adirondackwannabe's avatar

What can you do when a friend in a really bad situation reaches out for help and you miss the subtle messages and can't connect when the direct message is sent.

Asked by Adirondackwannabe (36545points) May 6th, 2010

My friend left several subtle messages for me that they needed help, and because I suck at subtle, I missed them. Then they sent a detailed message explaining what they we’re going to do, and I could never make contact with them for various reasons. I think my friend took some pretty extreme steps, although I don’t have any direct proof. I’m really hoping I’m wrong and you can all have a big fucking laugh at my expense, but I’m thinking otherwise. Any suggestions? I really feel like shit.

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13 Answers

Dog's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Last night I started the same emotional roller coaster you are feeling today. You are not alone in feeling helpless and a bit lost.

One thing we both need to remember is that we are limited in or capacity to help. We can only hope that given time the person will re-emerge unscathed after they have determined life is worth the effort.

It really sucks doesn’t it? And it hurts like hell not knowing.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Thanks Dog. I think I’d rather be in the Human Centipede movie.

Dog's avatar

(Dog goes to look up human centipede move)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Oh shit, I just offed another one.

janbb's avatar

No words of wisdom @Adirondackwannabe; just sorry you’re feeling bad. Remember that if someone really wants to harm themselves, it is unlikely that friends will be able to stop them.

Dog's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe That looks like Dr. Who meets The Fly” Holy Crap!

janbb's avatar

@Dog Look up the Fluther question on it, but don’t watch the clip.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@janbb Thanks @Dog That was all KatawaGrey’s doing to bring that to our attention.

wonderingwhy's avatar

Well, you can start by not blaming yourself for missing the subtle messages, they’re called subtle for a reason. As to not making contact, depending on the situation, that could be largely, and is always at least half way, out of your control. Did you make a good faith effort? That’s all you can do.

Answering directly, don’t blame yourself for other peoples actions. It doesn’t change the suck of not knowing, and it probably won’t make you feel much better but just remember, you did what you could, with what you had at the time, that’s all that can be asked.

And for the “not knowing” part, keep trying to get in touch, maybe there are other avenues you haven’t exhausted yet? A nearby friend who could drop in for example?

Anyway, here’s hoping for the best all around.

Sophief's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I am sure that friend is well now, physically anyway.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Just got word the stupid son of a bitch tried to do themselves in but survived. I think I’ll go kill them for trying that.

janbb's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Glad/sorry to hear that. Treat him lovingly.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I believe it should be themself in.

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