General Question

superdarklordofmagic_3point14's avatar

What should i do if I want to run-away?

Asked by superdarklordofmagic_3point14 (32points) May 8th, 2010

I am 14, i completely understand that people may find it irrational and dumb to run away at such an age. But i feel it is my only way out. I do not need ‘counseling’ or any such thing, I am not a mental case. I simply just cannot take living here anymore.

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38 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

We would need to know more about your situation to figure out if you actually need help or are just being emo. Either way, running is not the answer, you probably could not even look after yourself.

chels's avatar

I was in your position before. I lived in an abusive household and needed to get away. I couldn’t take the crap and the hurt and didn’t know what else to do so I chose to run away.
Let me start off by telling you it was a bad idea. With help from the police my parents found me within a few hours. It also didn’t help anything but made matters worse.

If you’re having trouble at home, tell someone. Tell a school teacher or counselor. I am not telling you you need counseling but you need to let someone know what is going on so they can help you.

What is it that’s so bad about living in your house? What can you not take anymore?

Parrappa's avatar

I don’t know much about running away, but I’m sure wherever you run to will be worse than your current situation. There is always a way out that is better than the alternative you’re considering.

chyna's avatar

Do you have a close friend that you could talk to their parents? Or another relative outside your household? I think talking to an adult might help you because at your age, you may not be equipped to run away. You would need a place to live, money for food, a way to get back and forth to school. If your situation is so bad that you can not live there, perhaps you can live with grandparents?

slick44's avatar

Trust me it will pass, all kids your age go through the sme thing. or at least mine did. its just your age. to young to be an adult and to old to be a little kid. Talk to your parents or a grandparent, they will listen if you let them.

phoebusg's avatar

Talk to a counselor anyway, you don’t need to be mental to see one. He/she can help you learn about your options given your situation.

netgrrl's avatar

Not knowing anything about your situation makes it hard for me find the right words. But it’s a bad, bad idea. I’ve been there.

I left home at 16. I ran away 3 times, the 1st at 15, didn’t come back the last time. My home situation was pretty much one of the worst you could imagine. Alcoholic father who had a thing for pretty young girls – even his daughter. Cult-religious mother. Both were physically & emotionally abusive.

These were my dark family secrets.

So I ran away. I’m 51 now – obviously I survived right. For years I thought I’d done the only thing I could do. And life on my own was hard I was alone, without money, and pretty much a target for every scumbucket out there. There was nothing exciting about it, trust me.

It took me until I was 30 to see that there could have been another way. As bad as things were at home, looking back I see what I could have done rather than put myself in so much danger. It was so simple, but after 16 years of being taught to keep family secrets i couldnt see it at the time.

I could have TOLD SOMEBODY.

So that’s my advice to you. Tell somebody. Find anyone you think can help, counselor, relative, cop, whoever can help and talk to them about whatever is going on. Don’t keep it inside.

I know how scary that sounds, but believe me, in the long run it’s going to be so much better than running away.

Steve_A's avatar

Like the others said it would help if you told us how serious this was.

Are you getting beaten or abused everyday or is it something stupid like I have to do dishes everyday?

Bernard's avatar

I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to:
Talk to someone about it.
Counselors are NOT only for crazy people. They are for people who need counseling. They are for people who need assistance in some part of their life.

You don’t have to go to a psychologist. Talk to a teacher. Talk to your coach. Talk to your friend’s parents. Talk to a neighbor. Someone.

A counselor of some sort, even if they don’t have a degree in counseling, will be able to give you help. They can give you the resources to get out of your bad situation.

Don’t try to live off on your own at 14. It’s far more stress than necessary.

superdarklordofmagic_3point14's avatar

people say it will pass. but it hasnt passed since i was 8. and ive been trying since i was 8 to get to my grandmother’s house. but my mother has cut off all my contact with my relatives besides her.
shes an alcoholic, tyhis is her third marriage and shes having an affair.
my little brother(the only family i had) died of cancer 2 months ago.
and 3 of my best friends died in a car crash.

slick44's avatar

@superdarklordofmagic_3point14… you poor thing. you really do need to let someone no. tell a teacher or counselor. there is help out there for you. Find someone you trust. Just do it soon, dont wait.

chels's avatar

@superdarklordofmagic_3point14 I know it can be rough, especially being cut off from family members. That happened to me as well. The only person I had was myself for a while. Do you know what I did? I told a counselor and the nurse at school. They did their best to get in touch with people who could help (e.g. family services). Because of that I was able to get out of my mothers house and move in with other relatives.

You need to tell someone. Tell a counselor at school and they will be able to help you in various different ways. They will know what to do and who to contact about what you’re going through.

I’m also so so sorry for your loss. Be strong kiddo. <3

slick44's avatar

@chels… good for you. that was very heart felt, hopefully they will listen. :)

chels's avatar

@slick44 Thank you! :)

CyanoticWasp's avatar

First of all, on the off chance that this is real and you are who you say you are, with the situation as described…

I’m terribly sorry for the loss of your brother and your friends. Those have to be awful losses at your age, especially if you feel isolated already. And I’m sorry that your mother isn’t more accepting of your contact with other members of your extended family, and that you feel you need to turn to us relative strangers in Fluther for advice.

But that’s what bothers me about this. You say that you have no other contact, yet… here you are on the Internet. Does no one else in your extended family have an email address? A telephone? Do you know how easily you can look up other family members? (We can refer you to all kinds of “white pages” sites, where all you need to do is fill in a name and a state and you can get all kinds of address and telephone information for free.) And corresponding by mail is simple enough if you have mail sent to you “care of” a friend at another address… you can receive mail from a friend in school, and send responses that way, too.

All states have “Department of Family Services” or the equivalent. If your mother is neglecting your care in some way, you can report to them and they will (first) try to place you with someone else in your family, if that is possible. Failing that, even foster care is better than running away.

Running away, while it seems romantic, exciting and adventurous, is a far worse daily grind when you’re trying to worry about your actual physical survival from day to day.

netgrrl's avatar

One other thing you might consider is AlaTeen meetings. It could help a lot in dealing with your mom’s alcoholism.

superdarklordofmagic_3point14's avatar

well i have a neighbor who is a police officer, but he told me that once i get the government involved they decide what to do with me. so they could put me in a foster home. and that is something i reallly dont want.

chels's avatar

@superdarklordofmagic_3point14 There are chances that could happen, however, if you have family members that are willing to get involved and that are willing to let you live with them it’s way more likely for you to be placed with them.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

If you run away, you will get the government involved. The best thing that you can do is get counseling. Can you borrow a friend’s phone and call your grandmother from school or after school? In my own childhood my mother made me keep secrets and not talk to people about what was going on. That gave her control and power over me. Once I started talking, I felt better and she couldn’t make me feel bad any more. Start with the counselor at school.

Losing your little brother and your friends is enough reason to see a counselor without adding your mom’s problems into the mix.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@superdarklordofmagic_3point14 You have much better options by seeking help. You are scared and angry but brave and determined. Your safety is the most important thing. Running away will expose you to more dangers than you can even guess at. Make the smart move of asking for and demanding the help you need and deserve. Running away will label you the problem and the system will be less helpful to you. Ask for help. Work with the social workers and counsellors and they can help you get to a safer situation very soon. I want what is best for you. Ask for help and you will find there are people who will do everything to make sure you are safe. I really know about these things. Be smart and get the help you need to get away from whatever the problems are.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

To the moderators… I’m not giving a ‘punch line’ or being sarcastic, this is factual. The advice my dad gave to me (which can be applied to running away) was more along the lines of ‘tips’ on how to stay alive wherever I may go. He said if I was ever in a jam, money or living spaces wise, he told me, you find a cheap store & throw a brick through its window. Stay there until the cops come & get arrested. You will spend a few nights in a cell, with free food & a place to sleep. Luckily, I was never in such a pickle in which this advice was in consideration. But I thanked him for the advice regardless.

slick44's avatar

@rpmpseudonym… you no you have a very good point. I have always said if i were ever homeless and of corse had no kids, that is what i would do. its crazy. at least in jail you have shelter and 3 squares. So you are right. Isnt that messed up.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Know this… The current suffering will bring great strength to you later. You will have a rare stability that others strive their entire lives to attain. Suffering makes you strong.

You will be invincible, and a stanchion of stability for those who need your strength in the life ahead. I don’t know why you were chosen for this path. Few are indeed.

I would imagine you to be extremely intelligent. Your comments suggest as much. You are destined for great things @superdarklordofmagic_3point14 . Hang in there.

YARNLADY's avatar

Don’t be so quick to write off seeing a counselor. They are not just for the treatment of mental illness, but rather to provide tips and ideas to help you see all the choices that are available to you.

skfinkel's avatar

@superdarklordofmagic_3point14 : It seems that most people who have read your post agree that you need to ask someone for help. Think hard about who that person is—someone you can trust. And then go and get the help you need. It might be that your mother will also end up happier that you make such a move. It appears that the choice of running away to the streets is not a good one. The truth is, you have already sought out help—from us. And we are telling you what to do next.
Things will get better for you.

meagan's avatar

Don’t do it. I “ran away” when I was 18. It was the worst mistake. I moved in with my boyfriend that made me the other woman in a relationship I didn’t know about. He really messed up my social life. I didn’t realize how much better my home life was than how people could really treat you.

CaptainHarley's avatar


If you run away and have no support system, you will change your life in ways you cannot begin to imagine, and NOT for the better!

School guidance counselor, pastor of a local church, runaway hot lines… there are many sources of help to which you can turn.

LostInParadise's avatar

To all of those asking that @superdarklordofmagic_3point14 get help, what precisely do you expect will happen upon making contact? Will the person simply provide an opportunity to vent? Will the person speak to the mother? Will the person arrange for foster care? This is a pretty serious problem that, as the responses here indicate, is not that uncommon. I agree that running away will only make things worse, but I do not see how seeking help will act as a silver bullet.

chels's avatar

@LostInParadise I speak from experience. As I stated seeking help is what helped get me out of my parents household and into the household of a relative. It depends solely on the situation however seeking help is what will help in various different ways. Depending on what this person decides to do; if they want to get family services involved, if they just want to talk, if they want to get whoever else involved is their decision. Seeking help of any kind is just the first step, it’s who and what they will seek to help that will decide the events following.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@LostInParadise it’s going to depend on what the situation really is, which hasn’t been fully explained yet. Is it that “Mom won’t listen to me” and “she doesn’t understand me”, which is about 99% of what any school counselor hears about interactions between teens and parents? Or is it “I’m not safe in my house because of Mom’s boyfriends…” or “Mom gets drunk and drives me around town with her” which are entirely something else?

We don’t know yet. If it’s the former, then the kid needs to vent, obviously, and Mom’s given up her right (or desire, or both) to be that terminal… but it’s still a necessary function for any teen! And if it’s the latter, then like it or not, the state does have to get involved (and hopefully not the cop who pointed out “the state” as some kind of bogeyman). But state agencies are staffed with people who are competent and caring more often than not, and will attempt to make a ‘family’ placement that will work for the child.

You say that this is a pretty serious problem (and by that I expect you mean the child’s consideration given to running away, which is serious), but otherwise we don’t really know how seriously bad “the family situation” is. I don’t expect that “talking to the mother” is going to help much if she’s an alcoholic; few people are naive enough to believe that you can “convince” anyone to give up an addiction like that. But she would have to be interviewed, at least, to determine the veracity of the child’s claim. So in that sense, yes, the mother will be “talked to”. Children aren’t generally yanked away from custodial parents just on a child’s say-so.

perspicacious's avatar

You need to give more information as to why you can’t take it anymore. At 14 you need to be in the care of adults, whether they are your parents or not. If you are abused ask an adult you can trust for help.

Draconess25's avatar

@All the people tell him to get help: Some people can’t be trusted. Where I live, the law enforcement is corrupt, & the school officials are even worse. If he’s in a town like mine, he’d be better off handling it on his own.

Try to get her sober. Dump out her booze if you have to. Talk to her about this while she’s in a right state of mind.

But whatever you do, don’t run away!

chels's avatar

@Draconess25 He’s 14. He should look for help where ever he can.
Not every place in the world is corrupted you know. Cops are one thing, I know what that is like as well. Especially if they talk to the parents first. But a school counselor? More than likely the counselor can and will help. Please don’t lead him in the wrong direction just because where you live is a bad place.
Also, dumping out Mom’s booze? Not a good idea. Lots of alcoholics tend to get violent, especially if someone tries to take the alcohol away. We don’t want him getting hurt. Also: What are the chances that his Mom will be sober enough to talk or even get to the “right state of mind?”.

Draconess25's avatar

@chels That’s what I did when my mom was a drunk. I got slapped around a bit, but she learned her lesson when I actually stood up to her.
And my school counselor tried to get me on Ritalin because I was “goth”. That’s pretty corrupt.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@Draconess25 no, that was “stupid”, not corrupt.

Draconess25's avatar

@CyanoticWasp They’re the same thing to me.

jazmina88's avatar

I’m sorry for what you are havin to go through… do have people that care. Talk to your grandma somehow.

YARNLADY's avatar

I am here for you, send me a private message for suggestions.

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