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janedelila's avatar

Why does my boyfriend keep pinching, poking, tickling and basically torturing me for fun? He's mature in every other way!

Asked by janedelila (3904points) May 9th, 2010

He’ll walk up behind me, stick his fingers in my sides (or something equally annoying) and run laughing. He won’t stop until I get mad.

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39 Answers

bob_'s avatar

Because he is immature.

dpworkin's avatar

It sounds unhealthy and sadistic to me, and if he doesn’t stop after you have carefully explained that you are serious, and you don’t enjoy it, then you would probably be safer with another boyfriend.

LeotCol's avatar

Its a fun excuse to touch you.

Syger's avatar

It’s fun and I’m willing to bet you smile a bit or giggle while asking him to stop. Have you ever just told him straight up you really don’t appreciate it?

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@janedelila Your boyfriend wants to be physically closer to you but is afraid because he does not know how to go about it with you without taking the risk of crossing a line that would offend you.
You need to first decide what sort of touching is appropriate for you, your values and for your age. Then you can tell him what kind of touching you would accept and what you are not. You need to make it clear these playful sneak attacks are a real turn-off.

FutureMemory's avatar

It sounds like he missed out on such activities while growing up. I can’t imagine getting pleasure from torturing someone in a childish manner like you have described – although when I was about 10 I loved it.

Kismet's avatar

@LeotCol‘s reply is similar to what I wanted to answer.

My boyfriend does the same things, if not even weirder, but normally he’ll stop when enough is enough.

Also, sometimes I think it is just a test of just how much patience and tolerance I have for him.


If you told him you don’t like it and he still does it, it means he is either 1) immature and likes childish games, 2) doesn’t know or feels uncomfortable about expressing himself physically towards you in a more caring, conscientious way, or 3) has a bit of a sadistic tendency in him, and he derives pleasure from it. Just ask him plainly and seriously, “Why do you like to do that? You know I don’t like it, so why do you keep doing it?” If he gives you no reply, then it has to be one of the 3 reasons I gave you.

dpworkin's avatar

A person who doesn’t stop unwanted behavior when asked to in a pleasant, explanatory way is a person to avoid. Seriously.

john65pennington's avatar

Immature in a big way. hold old is he, anyway?

windex's avatar

Probably because he loves you.
If you don’t like it, please downgrade to a bf who will not touch you at all.

dpworkin's avatar

@windex No one who loves you would persist in something you don’t like.

Response moderated
windex's avatar

This is what I’m picturing:

She [janedelila] is doing something in the kitchen* (lets say washing dishes), her boyfriend comes home, sneaks up on her and tickles her from behind. She notices him, turns her head, and they start making out.

This is what you are picturing:

She is studying for a final exam, her boyfriend sneaks up on her (dressed in a ninja outfit)
Pinches her hard so it leaves a bruise, starts laughing and gets a beer from the fridge.

*for obvious reasons. Ok j/k I just had to come up w/an example and it happened to be her doing something in the kitchen. plz relax and don’t get all feminist on me.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I honestly think he is doing it to have fun and have an excuse to touch you. If you really don’t like it, you need to discuss it with him when he is not engaging in the behavior.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

It isn’t really an immature thing, it’s a flirting thing. People do it at all ages and maturity levels when they’re flirting and trying to get closer to you physically. Tell him that that you don’t like it,that it hurts, and you aren’t saying stop in a “my lips say stop but my eyes say yes” way, you’re saying it in a “no means no” kinda way. Perhaps he could touch you in a different way that would be more pleasurable – caressing your arm, snuggling, over-the-shirt back massage?

sassy1's avatar

It’s because he loves you. He’s expressing love by touch in a good way!!! Enjoy it while it last, it may not be there forever.

MrGV's avatar

I agree with windex.

augustlan's avatar

While his initial urge was probably a playful, flirty one, continuing after you’ve told him in no uncertain terms to knock it off is unacceptable. He’s getting pleasure from your displeasure. That is not ok.

Response moderated
shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

A friend of mine did that in high school. Drove me nuts. Tell him that he may think it’s funny, but it’s not to you. Keep going until he stops.

YARNLADY's avatar

Many people will use ‘socially acceptable’ methods to inflict unwanted/improper behavior. The only way to make it stop is to tell him that it will stop, or you are no longer seeing him.

FutureMemory's avatar

Slap his face the next time he does it, and when he freaks tell him you’re just kiddin’ around.

Trance24's avatar

@dpworkin Um I have been with my SO for 4 years now, he tickles and pokes me for fun ridiculously. I don’t particularly like it all the time, but I highly doubt that because he doesn’t always stop right away means he doesn’t love me. Now-a-days I usually seize the opportunity to tickle the crap out of him to see how he likes it. The torture is all out of love.

dpworkin's avatar

In that case, why complain on Fluther about it?

FutureMemory's avatar

She’s not the OP

dpworkin's avatar

Then she doesn’t know if it is or is not love.

Trance24's avatar

Why do people complain about a lot of things on Fluther?

YARNLADY's avatar

@Trance24 perhaps you can suggest a better place?

meagan's avatar

I almost told you to cut off his hand.
But two wrongs don’t make a right. Thats really immature of him to tease you when it obviously annoys you. Especially when hes in your “bubble”.

Response moderated
Trance24's avatar

@slick44 / @YARNLADY That was a sarcastic comment aimed at dpworking’s response, perhaps next time I will make that more clear.

jca's avatar

if he tickles you until you can’t breathe then it’s sadistic. you should tell him you don’t like it, in a serious manner (not joking and laughing when you say it) and if he persists, then only you know how tolerable or intolerable it is and only you can decide whether or not his good points outweigh the childish annoyance.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I agree with @augustlan . When someone persists in doing something you’ve make clear is unpleasant and unwanted, that is not acceptable. You don’t have to put up with it. If he does not cut it out, then cut him out of your social life!

lonelydragon's avatar

Because that’s how guys show their interest in a girl—by picking on us. It doesn’t end when they leave middle school. He might also be trying to get your attention if he thinks you’re ignoring him. If you’re really annoyed by it, tell him, “I like having fun with you, but I really don’t feel like being tickled right now.”

Private777's avatar

This is actually a form of bullying if he knows you are in pain and continues to do it. Keep an eye on him.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Strauss's avatar

He’s horny

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