Social Question

missjena's avatar

When should you have sex with someone you're dating?

Asked by missjena (910points) May 10th, 2010 from iPhone

What are the initial steps when your dating someone when it comes to physical contact? How long do you wait to have sex with someone? How old are you? Are you officially together and wait for them to
make it offiial? When is the right or wrong time? Also do men get fed up if a girl doesn’t give it up easily? Do they lose interest?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

22 Answers

CyanoticWasp's avatar

As soon as she stops fighting it?

But seriously… I don’t have sex with her until I love her—and I’m not in ‘other’ relationships. Maybe that’s just me.

Trillian's avatar

If a man gets “fed up” because you don’t give it up, let him leave. There are plenty of the type of women who do give it up easily and he knows where to find them. The question is; do you want to be one of those? The right time is when you’re comfortable and secure.
The real right time a after he puts a rock on your hand and you both say “I do”. This from one who made the mistake many times. Take it for what it’s worth.

susanc's avatar

Are you interested in getting married? Having a big fat jewel to prove it? Is that your goal? Then do what @Trillian says. Otherwise, I’d say don’t do it till you can’t stand not to.

janbb's avatar

It really is an individual choice – only you can know when you and the relationship are ready for it. You should never do anything with anyone until you’re good and ready to; if a guy would leave you because of that, he’s not a guy worth keeping. That said, I think it is worth factoring in your age, your willingness to use birth control or face the consequences and your own values. I do think that sex is generally much better in the context of a loving relationship where the progression of physical intimacy happens over time.

deni's avatar

theres no definite answer…so…when it feels right? my first relationship we were both virgins so we waited like 7 months. which was perfect for that relationship. if i’d waited 7 months in my current relationship i wouldn’t have been able to live. i think we did it on the fifth or sixth day we were together physically. but since we were long distance we had been together longer but….it’s complicated. anyhow that amount of time was also perfect for this specific relationship. it all depends. and if a guy doesn’t want to wait til you’re ready then he is not worth any time of yours.

missjena's avatar

I’m also curious about your experiences and how long you’ve waited? Or how long guys are willing to wait?

perspicacious's avatar

The first answer that comes to mind is “when you know the difference in your and you’re.” Seriously, there is no text to follow. Some people include sex in every dating relationship and others do not. You must decide for yourself. I would encourage you to not include fear that your boyfriend will not wait until you are ready into your decision making.

Seek's avatar

When you want to – and not a second before.

Draconess25's avatar

Whenever you’re ready. Neither of my girlfriends have been in a relationship before, & one is a bit nervous. I would never get impatient with her, though. I may get horny, but that’s what porn is for.

YARNLADY's avatar

Let me add to the above when you are ready = when both of you are ready.

Draconess25's avatar

@YARNLADY That’s what I meant.

filmfann's avatar

Wait until you both are emotionally able to deal with it, and until you both feel you are in love.
Sex isn’t a race, or an achievement. It is a special thing, and you should wait till you are both ready.

HungryGuy's avatar

I’m patient. I wait for the girl to initiate sex. Believe me, girls get impatient, too! You won’t have to wait long.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Not until you are emotional and physically ready for it and it’s possible consequences. Don’t let anyone rush you into having sex and don’t rush anyone else into sex. If someone won’t wait for you to be ready, they don’t deserve you to begin with. There is not set timeline in dating, it’s all about how you feel and when you are ready.

Kismet's avatar

When your trust them and you are emotionally ready.

loser's avatar

If it’s real he won’t give up on you. Take your time. Make sure it’s real and you’re ready. You’ll know in your heart if it’s time.

Iclamae's avatar

We waited 9 months. I was 19 and he was my first boyfriend. I made it clear immediately that I would need a slow relationship or no relationship. He was ok with it. Things progressed at a pace we were comfortable with until we finally had sex 9 months later. We made sure to have birth control and condoms lined up ahead of time, just in case. We are still together, 4 years now, and still have sex with condoms and Depo shot.

How long you wait is up to you. What your pace is is also up to you. Don’t let someone force you to go too fast or it may traumatize you or otherwise strain the relationship.

My opinion is that people shouldn’t be having sex before their bodies have comfortably developed the ability: age13. I also feel uncomfortable thinking about 13 and 14 year olds having sex because they might want a baby without realizing what a baby entails…

Summary: have sex when you’re emotionally ready. If he can’t wait for you, he’s not worth it. Seriously. Take into account the effect sex has on baby production and prepare accordingly. Sex with condoms can be really sexy. Being an “older” virgin is not a bad thing. It was really exciting to share my first time with someone I really cared for and that cared for me back enough to wait so long.
If you’re under 15, I’d wait to even consider sex. You never believe it when other people say it but honestly, those early relationships usually aren’t serious enough to take sex seriously. Also, I don’t know how it will affect the body physically. It might hurt more since the reproductive organs are so new.

MissA's avatar

I was trying to decide whether this is a real question or one posted just to be posting.

In the event that it’s real…nobody can answer those questions with exactness. You need to have your own set of morals and personal criteria to determine every one of your questions. It also makes a difference whether you’re asking this at 15 or 45.

missjena's avatar

I understand that; however, I was just curious how long other people wait. What other peoples steps are when hooking up with someone new.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@missjena It just depends on the relationship and where things are headed. I personally didn’t have any rules stating I had to wait this amount of time in each relationship. It’s just a matter of what you are comfortable with.

stemnyjones's avatar

I’m 23 and I have always had sex, like, the first or second night I’m with them. But for some reason I usually end up living with the person I’m with either before we start dating or as soon as we start dating, for reasons unrelated to the relationship (mostly because after my fiance left me about 3 years ago and I had to move back home from Texas, I have kind of drifted between lover’s houses and moving in with friends).

A lot of men don’t respect women if they sleep with them on the first date, so I’ve heard. So far, from my experience, it’s very different with lesbians. Most of my relationships with other females have lasted for at least a year, and we almost always had sex on the first night (or, at least second).

Response moderated (Spam)

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther