Social Question

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

What are your thoughts about parents that throw their kids out of the house because they admit that they are gay or lesbian?

Asked by Adirondackwannabe (36545points) May 12th, 2010

Watching the news this morning and they covered a fund raiser for kids that have been kicked out of their homes by their parents for admitting they were gay or lesbian. Gina Gershon was the host but I can’t remember the name of the sponsor. How the hell can a parent turn on their kids for this? It doesn’t change anything in my mind, but it’s enough for you to throw them out on the street? What are your thought? And why do we distinguish between gay and lesbian?

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38 Answers

Sophief's avatar

I think it is disgusting. Whatever happened to unconditional love?

marinelife's avatar

It is a sad thing when parents cannot accept the sexuality of their kids and, worse. kick them out of the house.

Ultimately, it is their loss.

tinyfaery's avatar

Lack of empathy.
Lack of love.
The need to be right.
The need to be in control.

There are so many reasons why. What do I think about it? I think that it’s absolutely horrible and unforgivable. It’s tantamount to child abuse.

jaketheripper's avatar

it might be better for those kids to be out of the house than to live with parents who refuse to understand or help them

Sophief's avatar

My best friend from my hometown is gay, and he is 40 years old. He lives with his boyfriend, and his mum knows who he lives with. she must obviously know he is gay, but he has never actually said those words to her. He said he doesn’t want to see her look ashamed to be his mum. I would love my child whatever she wanted to be, did, or were sexually.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

I think it’s ridiculous. It’s just as bad as if a parent were to find out their child had autism and throw them out. The child didn’t choose to have autism. The child didn’t choose to be gay. Parents should think about these possibilities before bringing a child into this world and be ready to accept it.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@tinyfaery covered alot of the reasons.It is very sad when that happens.

dpworkin's avatar

I think it is a bit of luck for some of the kids who now can no longer deny to themselves what dickheads their parents are, and have to move on to find support from decent and loving companions.

I was forced to leave my parents’ home when I was 13, and was grateful to discover a world of people who weren’t out of their fucking minds.

Trillian's avatar

I saw a movie a long time ago. Something about Wong Foo…. Anyway, when I saw Patric Swayze make eye contact with his mom and then she turned her back on him I resolved there and then to accept any decision any of my kids ever made and not impose my own views if they didn’t happen to coincide.

BoBo1946's avatar

—no matter what a child does, he/she should always know that you love them!
can comprehend someone disowning a child!

cookieman's avatar

I think those parents are denying themselves they joys of a relationship with their child. Their loss really.

@ItalianPrincess1217: “The child didn’t choose to be gay. Parents should think about these possibilities before bringing a child into this world and be ready to accept it.”

I agree, but most soon-to-be-parents are spending their time choosing paint colors for the nursery and buying baby clothes. We are shallow creatures mostly concerned with what’s in front of us at the moment.

@Trillian: I love that Patrick Swayze in a dress empowered you to make an important life decision.

MacBean's avatar

What ever happened to unconditional love?” No such thing. It’s a nice idea, but… :(

@ItalianPrincess1217: I know what you’re trying to say and I appreciate it and ♥ you for it, but in the future, try not to compare homosexuality with things that we try to cure/fix. Compare it to something like eye color or hair color.

@Trillian: To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar :D

john65pennington's avatar

My wifes cousin is gay. he is treated the same as everyone else. he was never dislodged from his family, because of being gay. he is actually a fun person. sexual preference makes no difference here.

MissAusten's avatar

I think parents who do that are cruel, and agree that it is child abuse. As a parent, I can’t imagine cutting a child from my life for any reason, let alone sexual orientation. :( If the children are still minors, the parents should be charged with neglect and abandonment.

Jack79's avatar

The last question first, I don’t see why we distinguish between gay and lesbian. “Gay” usually meaning “gay men”. I also don’t see why some parents may be more bothered by one “affliction” rather than the other (in cases where they have children of both genders). I’ve often heard people say “I might accept it if my daughter was gay, but my son? No way!”. My guess is that society as a whole tends to frown more with regards to gay men (who differ more from their heterosexual counterparts) than gay women (whom you can’t easily distinguish from straight ones). Also, some men might get turned on by bi or lesbian women, but straight women won’t usually get turned on by gay or even bi men.

Back to the main question, I think that as a parent you have a responsibility towards the child you have brought into this world. You should always do what’s best for them, and try and help them in any way you can. Which can explain why a parent might feel hurt if their child is gay (and therefore may face social rejection and prejudice as a result), but at the same time should help that child in any way possible. Even if you consider homosexuality to be some sort of disease or miasma, you have the duty as a parent to help your child, just like you would (or should) if they took up drugs or joined a satanist cult.

Kicking your kid in the street could be seen as “tough love” in these situations (by parents who obviously feel homosexuality is a crime), but I think such parents have not taken all the facts into account and are not helping their children in the long run.

wonderingwhy's avatar

All it does is make me question why they had kids in the first place not to mention, their ethics and likely precarious self-image/esteem.

BoBo1946's avatar

excuse my poor proofreading…should read: canNOT comprehend how a parent could disown a child!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@BoBo1946 Knew what you meant. Check out my what are your thought.

loser's avatar

I think they’re evil.

partyparty's avatar

Good, bad, lesbian or gay, a parent should always be a support for their children.
It is their choice of lifestyle, and a parent should accept this and love their children no matter what.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

@MacBean I personally think it’s a good comparison. Many parents don’t think about the potential things that could go “wrong” with their baby, like having a baby that’s autistic. I know a few parents that had children who had autism or something along those lines and just gave up. They disowned their kids and handed them off either to family members or started neglecting them. Same goes for parents of children who are gay. They didn’t choose this way of life. It’s a shame people don’t think about these things before popping out children. It’s sad.

Silhouette's avatar

They don’t deserve to be parents, they should be ashamed of themselves. If any of the children are under age the parents should be charged with abandonment. Assholes

stemnyjones's avatar

It’s sad, and they are the reason so many gay teens kill themselves every year.

I was lucky. I’m a lesbian woman who has a lesbian mom. My outing came with open arms with her, and the rest of the family had already dealt with the situation when my mom came out, so it was easier on me.

I wish more mothers would be like her. Love your child for who they are. I don’t care if my daughter grows up and becomes a neo-nazi with a sex change operation, I’ll love her every step of the way even if I don’t agree with all of her decisions.

stemnyjones's avatar

@ItalianPrincess1217 I think that what MacBean meant is that being gay is not something that you should describe as something “gone wrong”. That’s like saying that being a boy or being a girl is wrong. We cannot help who we are sexually attracted to, but it is sexual preference, not a disease. We are just as normal as straight people, we just are attracted to the same gender as ourselves.

@Jack79 just for the record, I know a girl who gets turned on by bisexual men…

Aster's avatar

I think it’s mean and controlling but much worse if they’re 13 than if they’re 18. And I think I know why gay males are more frowned upon than lesbians but I’m not saying why.
If they’re underage it’s child neglect at best. It’s abandonment. It isn’t like drugs where they can help it or control it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’m with @Silhouette on this one – they’re GROSS failures of parents, that is all and they are cowards.

Draconess25's avatar

@stemnyjones I know I do….

My Catholic dad took it better than my mom. She hasn’t thrown me out, or really said anything. But when I’m with one of my girlfriends, she just gives us this look.

netgrrl's avatar

It’s sad that we are not able to accept one another, “warts & all.” I’m a board member of my local PFLAG chapter to help support parents & friends who want to be supportive or may be struggling with it.

Berserker's avatar

I’m glad that there are organizations and people out there willing to look after these kids when something like this happens, but I find it sad that there is a need for them, in this day and age.
I don’t even understand why people, to this day, still debate about gays and lesbians. It all seems so normal to me. Is it so fucking hard to realize that everyone is human? Is it that complicated to love your damn kids?
And what’s even scarier is that there are parents like this out there, sick fucks with no goddamn conscience and primitive mindframes who still exist.

I think Christianity is right, evolution must not be real.

How can it happen though, there are a lot of bad parents out there, ones who beat their kids, others who sexually abuse them, and then some who neglect them, the list of atrocities is endless, and parents disowning their gay kids is just one example of many in this depressing web of despond we call a functional society. Fucking bullshit. And people wonder why I drink so much haha.
But like @dpworkin said, hopefully this, for these kids, is actually a shiny new door by which, ironically enough, they may find a better world from what they’ve previously known.

dutchbrossis's avatar

I think it is horrible. Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally. I also agree with the person that said though that it may be better for the children to be out of the house where they can never be understood. I hope they find people who accept them and love them

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

@stemnyjones Notice the quotations in the word “wrong”. Of course it’s not wrong. It’s unexpected.

Val123's avatar

That’s awful…..

YARNLADY's avatar

In my mind, it’s only one step above people who kill their own children. Our local mall used to have a place for abandoned children to gather, and they could then find homes where they would be welcome. The budget cuts took that away.

I wish I could have afforded to keep it open. There are now several private homes that have become the ‘place’ to go.

Draconess25's avatar

@YARNLADY I wish my town was like that….

YARNLADY's avatar

@Draconess25 Here, they are operated by the domestic abuse agencies. You might call a domestic abuse hot line in your area and ask them.

Draconess25's avatar

@YARNLADY Kids go straight to foster care here.

YARNLADY's avatar

@Draconess25 All of the ones I have personal knowledge were run aways first, then managed to find their way through the system (yes, CPS, in those days – now the funding is gone).

Draconess25's avatar

@YARNLADY Luckily, I’m not in that situation!

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