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Pippa's avatar

When to take things personally and when not to...

Asked by Pippa (35points) March 14th, 2008

My boyfriend said he wanted to do the planning for my birthday party, however, to date he asked me to do the invitations, which I did, and then he still hasn’t made the reservation at the restaurant. Is he just busy and his thoughts are elsewhere? Or should I take this personally and be upset?

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10 Answers

andrew's avatar

Did anything else come up in his life recently? Work things? Personal things?

Pippa's avatar

There are always things coming up in both of our lives, and I know that I tend to always take things personally, but no matter what is going on in my life, I always try to make him feel special…and I would never falter on planning a birthday party for him…as far as I am concerned, the day he was born was the best day in my life, and I love to celebrate that!

Pippa's avatar

Am I just being a silly girl?

Poser's avatar

How far away is your birthday? I used to get so upset when I said I’d do something and my ex-wife would second-guess when and how I was going to do it.

On the other hand, a promise is a promise, and if he’s not following through on something he said he’d do, I’d take issue with that.

But also consider that not everyone thinks birthdays are a big deal. Once you hit double digits, a lot of people consider it time to hang up the birthday party pants. Metaphorically speaking.

I mean, it’s not like you did anything on that day. He should buy your mom a cake.

Zaku's avatar

I’m with Poser. If I say I’m going to do something, I prefer people let me do it and not fret about how/when I’m doing it. That’s been a big exasperation trap for me before. Also, you say you know you take things personally. So I’d suggest you try not taking it personally, and expecting him to plan everything like he said. You only get to get mad at him after the day.

Poser's avatar

Who knows, maybe he’s planning something else altogether, and the dinner reservations/invitations are just to throw you off. Wouldn’t you feel bad if you got all upset and he had something huge planned?

Not to get your hopes up. I don’t know the guy.

jz1220's avatar

I think it’s worse to say you’re going to do something and not do it, than to not say anything at all and not do it. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves: to overpromise and then underdeliver. I wouldn’t take it personally, but I would be upset because it’s a character flaw I just can’t tolerate.

scamp's avatar

It’s difficult to answer this not knowing his history with you. Has he procrastinated on other things before? Maybe you should gently ask him if he wants you to make the reservations too. But I wouldn’t hound him about it because he might resent it, and it could really put a damper on your celebration. I hope it turns out well for you.

cwilbur's avatar

Have you asked him? He knows the answer; Fluther doesn’t.

Whether or not you should take it personally depends on him and your relationship with him. We don’t know about that either.

DeezerQueue's avatar

Here’s the way I see it. A lot of people men and women alike, fly through life by the seat of their pants. They put off until tomorrow what should have been done two years ago. Personally, I’m still looking for someone who does for me today what I should have done last month.

Don’t sweat it, it’s the way people work, if he said he wanted to plan it, then he’s in it, he’s just not in it the way you want him to be.

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