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beautifulbobby193's avatar

Should we settle for a relationship that we think would work, or should we always strive to find that perfect partner?

Asked by beautifulbobby193 (1694points) May 14th, 2010

If a person realises after a three year relationship that they are no longer or were never truly in love with their partner, but still loves them as a person, sees them as a great mother and never wants to see them upset, should they still proceed with marriage?

Should we settle for something that we think would work, or should we always strive to find that perfect partner even if it means ending up alone or being too old to have children?

And is it normal for a person to think of what may have been, whether the grass is greener elsewhere, or whether they have the right partner, or does this indicate some sort of problem?

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11 Answers

Seaofclouds's avatar

I think it’s normal for people to wonder what may have been. I think if someone doubts that they are with the right person, it means something. Personally, I feel if you (general you) are in a relationship and find that you no longer love the person you are with, you should be honest with them about it. They should have the right to choose if they stay with someone that doesn’t really love them (especially if the person realized they never loved them). They deserve to be with someone that will love them as much as they love the other person.

Only you can decide if you want to stay, but I think it’s best to be honest with the other person about your feelings.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

We should always strive to be in a great relationship and to be with a person who we’re in love with. However, being realistic is also important. Not every love will turn out to be the fairytale romance.

Ponderer983's avatar

My theory is if it works, it works. If you want to strive fr perfect, trust me you will never find it. hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s not out there. We all settle. There are things we have to “deal with” in all of our mates and relationships. Ther person you are with is just your best friend that you are attracted to and are willing to have sex with (that is my stripped down argument for selecting a partner). It also depends if that is what you want out of life – a family. If you are willing to cope with the possibility that you may end up alone and child-less, then strive on my brotha!

marinelife's avatar

First, there are no perfect partners. You are not a perfect partner, and no one you would hook up with is perfect either.

I think in your case, you should definitely not go forward with marriage at this point in time. What you should do is see if you can rekindle the spark that made you love her to begin with. I recommend Harville Hendrix’s book Getting the Love You Want. Once you devote some time to seeing if you can rekindle your love, but you are not feeling it, then it would be a kindness to break off with your partner.

Or, if things do heat up again, and you feel she is the one you want to spend your life with, then you can go ahead with marriage. But be open with her.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

My answer is no to settling, always has been. I only have one life to live and I will live it with a person that I feel is a soulmate of mine. If a person I once believed to be such is no longer one for me, I am leaving them, period, no questions asked.

jazmina88's avatar

I think a ton of people settle. me, I’m content with myself and my harem.

It’s all about destiny. perhaps you are meant to have babies. It’s up to both of you to decide.

beautifulbobby193's avatar

I just love the thoughts of having exciting and spontaneous sexual encounters with multiple women of various shapes and sizes for the rest of my life.

marinelife's avatar

@beautifulbobby193 Then you probably should not be in a committed relationship.

beautifulbobby193's avatar

I am a good loving partner. It’s just that I have a sex drive that as of yet I have been unable to effectively contain.

casheroo's avatar

@beautifulbobby193 Then don’t settle down. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means don’t break someones heart if you aren’t ready to just settle down with one person.

le_inferno's avatar

I think that relationships can be pursued if you’re not deeply in love, but marriage is way heavier. Marriage is a life commitment. Don’t just “settle.” This is why half of marriages end in divorce. People often marry out of either haste, convenience, or expectation. These are the wrong reasons. You should decide to spend the rest of your life with someone because you know you don’t want to be with anybody else.

I say your ultimate happiness is always worth waiting for.

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