General Question

lboulter's avatar

How can I learn to trust my boyfriend again?

Asked by lboulter (2points) March 14th, 2008

We have been dating for about 9 months (first of july to present); we did break up for about a week in November because he said he needed to figure things out in his life and that he felt we would make better friends but really it was because of her (his ex girlfriend that he dated for like three years). I can remember saying goodbye to him one night after we broke up and his phone was ringing…and he didn’t answer it..but he always answers his didn’t clue in then but it was her calling him. Then a couple days after that night, it was a wednesday night, he called me around 1 am and asked me to come get him as he was running down the street from her who was chasing him. Me being me, I went to get him…he said he made a big mistake ever trying to get back with her…by the way she drinks every night…is the biggest slut you will ever meet, cheated on him so many times, and they never got along…and bad burning clothes and shit.
My boyfriend and I get along great most of the time…except when we drink..that always leads to problems because he likes to flurt when is drinking and I don’t put up with it. One night we got into a fight at the bar, we both said we wanted to break up and called each other some names. Then when I was getting my coat who did I see him standing next to at the bar, his ex who he knows how much I hate (you see she has been trying to break us up for the longest time and writes and texts me lies just to get me going, and she says she doesn’t want to get back together with him, that she just want to get back at him or something).
I flipped out. Anyways he ends up going to a party with her and her friends, he says to get back at me..her friends start calling my cell saying how him and his ex are having sex in the bedroom…after this little episode I was like bipolar for at least 2 1/2 weeks…we talked and he said he didn’t do anything with her and that they were at a party and they stole his phone and he said he spent then night at a friends..did he really? or did they have sex? We didn’t break up, but very, very close..he blocked her from msn, facebook along with all her friends and says he only loves me and that he hates her.
I want to trust him..and when we first met I had no trouble (cause he never did anything, or I didn’t catch him). How can I trust him again? I love him so much and he says the same about me…we laugh all the time but exs along with money (but thats another issue) are two major problems for us…how can I deal with these feelings that he is going to cheat on me. Every time he goes anywheres all I can think of is that he is with her…what do i do???

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

14 Answers

MrKnowItAll's avatar

Blah, blah, blah. Break up with the bum.

And quit drinking.

Riser's avatar

honey, you don’t want to hear this but what you have with this prick isnt love. These are not the feelings love should bring. Ok?

iSteve's avatar

Lose him!!!

blunckhouse's avatar

If you have to ask, you never will. And, unfortunately, it’s going to affect your future relationships, too. Every intimate relationship we have is not a replacement for previous ones, but instead an “addition.” Feelings are always carried over from one to the next.

scamp's avatar

To continue in a relationship with him would only do you more harm. He sounds like an inconsiderate ass, and not worth your tears. Get far far away from him as soon as possible, then do some work on your self esteem.

modelchik4's avatar

ok when ur EX situation is this bad u need to lose him. There is no working this one out cause he obviously loves her crazy drunk slutty behind(according to ur words). U deserve better. U seem like a hood hearted girl. Good girls never win it seems like.

cwilbur's avatar

If you can’t trust him, you can’t love him. Break up and move on.

And drinking does not sound like a very positive thing for you to do – best to stop that, or moderate it severely.

eadinad's avatar

You don’t mean, “How can I learn to trust my boyfriend again?” You mean, “How can I make my boyfriend start loving and respecting me and treating me decently?”

And unfortunately, you can’t. If this guy cared about you – or was even a decent human being – you wouldn’t be in this situation. Move on.

lboulter's avatar

OMG how can i break up with him…i love him though…i’m so confused and I’m just so scared of getting hurt once again. I can’t break up with him.

iSteve's avatar

I know that’s difficult. Good luck whatever you decide.

lboulter's avatar

Thanks everyone for taking your time to answer my question and trying to help me figure out my life…sometimes i just think i over exaggerate the whole situation…but remembering how I felt those times he hurt me..the pain instantly returns and then my mind gets turning and then I say something to him…ya he doesn’t like to talk about trust and shit like that..he just tells me to relax..everything is alright…i love you and only you and I will never leave me! its the trust me part i have a problem with..i want to so bad but when that mind of mine gets a turnin the thoughts that go through it make me messed up..i think my biggest fear in life is being hurt..and in all other aspects of my life i don’t have a low self-esteem, I’m outgoing, love to laugh (too much), love to socialize…however..being hurt this aspect i have no self-esteem or confidence!!! Once you’ve been cheated become a jealous person for life!!!

dezzi_rae's avatar

i am in the same situation… he has 2 kids who hate me cuz mommy said i stole daddy and he did cheat on me with her in the past and has been talkin to her behind my back and all that good stuff, my friends and family say i deserve better and i know this but i do love him with all my heart i just wish he woulda been faithful.

mrsbishop's avatar

i feel that eveyone who said to leave hem alone need to shut da fuck up because ur n luv with an man and i know what that feels like to hurt i really do so you stay by ur man and its 1 1ast thing ima say about this situation if she(meaning the ex)can take hem from u he wasnt urz to begin with.

abrizle's avatar

Look, I’ve been in a relationship like this. It’s comforting to be with him and you feel like if you leave it’ll hurt so bad and you’ll never get over it. The funny part is, you do get over it. And then you’re done. It’s much more painful to stay with someone who hurts you this way. Every new time you are hurt, you re-live the past times and you blame yourself for being so stupid. Then he talks you in to staying and it happens all over again. You need to decide who is more important and make that person happy. You only live once and you should not sacrifice your happiness for someone who doesn’t value you. Don’t waste your time hoping he will change because this was the guy you started dating, not the fantasy you made him out to be. Trust me, he won’t live up to what you want from him.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther