Social Question

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

What would you say about going to a funeral for the food?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (26829points) May 19th, 2010

Would it be classless, or unethical to go to a funeral of somebody you hardly knew and thought was somewhat of a douche when invited by their spouse because you know it will be lots of food (banquet-like) at the wake? Or would you beg out of it even though the spouse believed your relationship closer than it really was?

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24 Answers

partyparty's avatar

You really should tell the truth that you didn’t really know the person particularly well.
The food is irrelevant. This is a funeral, not an invitation to a party.

MacBean's avatar

Funerals are for the living. At this point it doesn’t matter what you thought of the deceased. Go because it will make the spouse feel better.

ragingloli's avatar

Somewhat unethical, but pragmatist.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Not as good as if you went because you were truly sad, but it does happen a lot. Plus, it will probably be of great comfort to the family to see all those who loved (or “loved”) the deceased. Just make sure you aren’t using this time to tell everyone what you really thought of the recently departed, and be discrete in your buffet chow-down. So long as you’re respectful, there shouldn’t be an issue.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@papayalily I would not avoid going because I was not very close to the departed but food (and lots of it) make it more paletable, and no matter what I thought of the departed I would never slam then at their funeral, after all it is for their family more than them (they are dead) so I will do what I could because I know what it is like to lose someone close.

jazmina88's avatar

wow, that’s a lot of deep energy to go through for a devil egg. I think that’s awful.

If you want to show sympathy for the family, go.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

It is both unethical and classless. You should go because it would mean something to the spouse, since funerals are sentimental ceremonies for the living rather than for the unconscious dead. She has asked you to attend, so you should attend for her sake. Forget the food.

YARNLADY's avatar

I would go to show my respect to the family.

LuckyGuy's avatar

The spouse asked. You should go – food or no food.

zenele's avatar

Depends on the food; depends on the funeral.

I’m a bit supersticious (silly, I know) so I don’t mess with things like death and the like. If invited, I go. Food isn’t a top priority with me anyway.

JeffVader's avatar

Mmmmmmmm….... finger licking good!

Blackberry's avatar

I agree with MacBean: “Funerals are for the living. At this point it doesn’t matter what you thought of the deceased. Go because it will make the spouse feel better.”.

john65pennington's avatar

I would say this persons heart is not in the right place.

xRIPxTHEREVx's avatar

Idk. I know a few years back when I went to this one youth group at my church, they had just had a funeral reception upstairs and had all this extra food, so we went ahead and raided it. It was some of the best food I’ve ever eaten. Not because the person was dead, but because my church had some really good cooks.

in the end, that person got to go be with the lord, and I got a full stomach

anartist's avatar

It proves you are alive.
whatever else it proves, I wouldn’t care to say

@xRIPxTHEREVx Do you have any idea who that food would have gone to if you had not ‘raided’ it? Does your church donate food to shelters? Sometimes the family takes it to continue the wake elsewhere. If they have not it is the church’s. The cooks might take it home. .It would have been nice to ask—they may well have said “Have at it.”

RedPowerLady's avatar

As I say it there are two primary reasons to go to a funeral:
1. For your own grief and recovery (which is not the case here considering your calling the dearly departed a douche).
2. To aid in the healing and recovery of those who are grieving. So if your grandma invites you because it makes her feel better to have you there. In your circumstance if you think it will make the spouse feel better to see you there then go for the food. No harm done.

Going for the food, simply for the act of going for the food, is tasteless. Go buy yourself a nice dinner instead.

Draconess25's avatar

I’ve done it before. I’ve also gone to weddings & birthdays in the park of people I didn’t know at all. I said I was their 6th cousin or something.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Draconess25 A party crasher!?!? oo…you are sooooo bad, fabulous har har har!

Draconess25's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central I didn’t crash it!—I just got drunk, ate all the food, -& kidnapped their virgins—-

lynfromnm's avatar

I think going for the food is dishonorable. There are two purposes for a funeral – to honor the dead person and to comfort the living (including. presumably oneself). If your objective is anything else, you should not go.

xRIPxTHEREVx's avatar

@anartist I guess maybe raided was the wrong word to use because they kind of told us to go ahead and help ourselves out. The funeral was over and everyone was leaving. Later on, the food was brought downstairs for us to eat. They needed to get rid of it.

anartist's avatar

@xRIPxTHEREVx that’s the same as asking :-)

susanc's avatar

Pretty unclassy (“classless” means something else, folks) to go to a funeral JUST for the food. But to go to a funeral and refuse to eat is also unclassy. You go to a funeral to JOIN IN. Food is offered in order to make that natural and physical. Eat up. Drink up. Make friends. Cry or don’t cry. Be a mensch.

susanc's avatar

And by the way, go talk to the bereaved next-of-kin, and say something nice about the deceased if you possibly can. It’ll make a difference. Lies are allowed in this context. “I didn’t know him as well as I wanted to. What a fool I was; I should have made more of an effort. Being here today, there’s so much evidence that he was a person of great value.” (Then cry a little bit.)

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