Social Question

marilovely's avatar

How do i know if i'm ready for sex?

Asked by marilovely (26points) May 20th, 2010

okay, so my boyfriend and i have been together for over six months now, and we get out of school for summer break in a week. both of his parents work, but both sometimes come home(rarely). and i don’t live with my family, but my guardian’s job is running a daycare at our house. she sometimes goes on all day field trips to the zoo and what not, so there have been times where i have been able to sneak him over( we’re not allowed at each other’s homes when no parents are home). we have done everything but have sex. he’s gone down on me, i’ve done down on him, even sixty-nine. but i’m still really nervous at the thought of sex. i just don’t want to risk getting pregnant, or getting caught. we both really really want to, and sometimes i think i’m ready, but i’m not sure. opinions?

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30 Answers

Response moderated
cornbird's avatar

Make sure he uses a condom—bring one for him just in case—and try it with him. The way how i see it, do it with the person you care most about and if thats him, then go for it.

chyna's avatar

If you are not sure you are ready, then you are not ready. If you do have sex, use a condom.

jerv's avatar

Agreed; if you have to ask then the answer is “no”.

You will know when you are ready, and if you have to think about it then you aren’t.

FutureMemory's avatar

I don’t think it’s a huge leap going from oral sex to vaginal sex. How did you feel after the oral? Were you OK with it? Can you honestly say you were “ready” when it happened?

Whenever you do decide to go through with it, definitely use a condom.

QuartzKitty's avatar

chyna is right. You will know if you are ready for sex. If you have any doubts at all about it, then you aren’t ready.

liminal's avatar

Would you mind saying why you sometimes think you are ready?

You may find this article helpful: Before You Decide to Have Sex it may also help you figure out other questions to ask yourself and your boyfriend (and maybe here).

janbb's avatar

If you’re still really nervous then you’re not ready. Some things are really that simple.

xxii's avatar

I agree with many of the others. If you are wondering, you aren’t ready. When you’re ready, you won’t be nervous.

Response moderated
gailcalled's avatar

Sneaking your boyfriend to an empty house does not sound like a good introduction to having sex for the first time. You don’t make love with someone because an opportunity suddenly presents itself.

Do think long and hard about this. It has much more serious consequences than just fooling around.

Response moderated
perspicacious's avatar

As long as you have to worry about parents and guardians, you are too young for sex. Your question is inappropriate for a forum you have just joined.

vbabe96's avatar

I have to agree with the people who stated if you have to ask you are probably not ready. Don’t have sex just to pass the summer. When you are ready to have sex you’ll know and when that time comes make sure you are prepared with condoms.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

If the answer to the statement “An unplanned pregnancy would ruin my life,” then the answer is, you’re not ready. You do reach a point where the idea of having sex neither scares you, makes you nervous, nor involves sneaking around, and you will understand how birth control works; a condom is not enough (they can break or have a pinhole leak). You need to be old enough to get yourself on birth control before having sex and be mature enough to discuss it with your parent(s) when they find out that you’re sexually active.

The ratio of people who wish they waited to have sex to those who regret not having it is about 1,000 to 1. You can never go back once you do.

meagan's avatar

Are you ready to have a baby? If not, don’t have sex.

jerv's avatar

@meagan Are you saying that my wife and I should still be virgins in our mid-30s, even after nine years of marriage?

Haleth's avatar

Everyone has some nerves before their first time. Take some time to think about what type of nerves you’re feeling. If you’re worried because you have no clue how to use birth control, you’re not sure you trust your boyfriend, what your parents would do if they found out, or you don’t think that sex is what you really want, then you probably aren’t ready. Those are serious reservations that deal with the consequences of having sex.

If you’re nervous about the experience itself, like how it will feel and whether you and your boyfriend will enjoy it, that’s not such a big deal. Before my first time, I was really worried that it would hurt, that not being experienced would make me terrible in bed and that the whole thing would suck for my boyfriend. Looking back… that’s totally ass-backwards. What was I thinking? But lots of people worry about that.

As far as birth control, condoms are much more effective when they’re used properly. Use a water-based lube with a condom (oils dissolve the latex, so never use oil with one). Using a lube reduces friction on the condom so there is less likelihood for tears. Roll the condom on gently and then pinch the tip to create a little extra room (there’s a little reservoir in the tip of the condom.) Never layer one condom over another. The two layers of latex will just create friction and make them both tear.

If you want something more effective than just a condom (and you probably do), you can combine it with other methods of birth control, like spermicides or birth control pills. If you don’t have any way to get a prescription for birth control, that’s a big sign that you’re not ready for sex.

meagan's avatar

@jerv I bet that if youre married, youre probably stable enough to have a child.
However, condoms don’t work 100% of the time. One of my closest friends was a child born on birth control and condoms.

JeffVader's avatar

You’re ready for sex when you stop having to ask this question….. & dont forget to pack ur rubbers.

jerv's avatar

@meagan You make me laugh! You really think that stability is all there is too it? Or that children are not destabilizing? And what of those that want to become single mothers? Or those that marry for the wrong reasons anyways? I hate to break it to you, but marriage doesnt mean what it used to. Nowadays, it’s not about love, nor is it a business deal like it was in olden times; it’s a tax break and a way to get better housing on campus.

You are correct about condoms though; that is why I am clipped.

Bobby42's avatar

Okay, heres the thing, even if you think you are ready to have sex, you may not be. I understand you can get caught up in the feelings with your boyfriend and what not but you have to think with a level head. How are you going to feel about having had sex with him if you guys break up? When I lost my virginity I was young(still am young) I was with a guy who was a year older then me and I was convinced we were going to be together forever. He was the first guy I ever loved and so I was pretty much willing to do everything for him. Looking back on it now I wish I would have listened to my mom, and to wait, because we broke up and I practically hate the guy now and it pisses me off to think I gave something up to him. My now boyfriend was a virgin when we met, and I wish more then anything I could also have been a virgin for him, for us, and for me.
Another thing that I didn’t realize until being a bit older was once you have sex you can’t take it back, obvious right. But what I mean is if you do break up at some point and you meet some one else, just making out and what not won’t be good enough. You will probably want more, and he too knowing that you are not a virgin will be more apt to taking advantage of that.
And don’t just wear a condom, get on birth control, trust me there is nothing scarrier then waiting for your period and having it be late. If you are going to have sex take responsibility of your sex life, don’t expect him to bring the condoms, be prepared, don’t get caught up in the passion. Be an adult.
If you are at all thinking you don’t want to do it, don’t. You have the rest of your life to have sex, for now enjoy being a kid, it doesn’t last much longer.

gailcalled's avatar

So where has @marilovely disappeared to? Another teen-ager amusing herself at 4:00 in the morning? The question., including punctuation, is almost too well-written.

Bobby42's avatar

What are you getting at? Its a teenager look at the picture. Not everyone follows fluther as closely as it appears we do. Perhaps she is just really smart, or maybe she put it into word and it spell checked/edited.

gailcalled's avatar

@Bobby42: I asked a reasonable question. Hers’ was loaded. One might think she’d check back in. And spellcheck/edit doesn’t pick up the sophisticated punctuation.

Bobby42's avatar

Her question was perfectly reasonable as well- and the first time I put a question up it took me over a day to respond back. It was loaded because she is a teenager, sharing all that information with perfect strangers is a maturity thing, she probably didn’t think about it. And maybe she was looking for an answer rather than a conversation. See the picture, its a small hand, blue nail polish with a star near the wrist its an emo picture. She’s a teenager.

meagan's avatar

@jerv Even more of a reason to wait it out.

marilovely's avatar

okay thank you all, yes i am under eighteen still, no i did not use spell check, i’m just a normal, non-emo high school girl. yeah, i was leaning more towards the no side, i just wanted to get feedback from someone who isn’t my age, and i didn’t want to ask family because i have too many issues in my life right now. i think i already knew i wasn’t ready, but i just needed to be reassured so that i don’t make a stupid mistake. i love him to death and i totally understand where you all are coming from, and i’m lucky enough to have a guy who is also a virgin and isn’t sure if he wants to either. he has already told me that he will wait till we’re both ready, so if we last till after high school/ marriage(spelling?? who knows), then we’ll do it when the right time comes. thanks for all your help guys:)
and sorry if i was an inconvenience :)

cornbird's avatar

Good to go!! You know when you wait it out, the moment will be so much more special. (you werent an inconcveinence to me) Try to get married or engaged first. Good decision!

marilovely's avatar

i know:) when we had talked about doing it, we had both decided that we wouldn’t plan a day to do it, because we wanted it to be special. but it’s hard to that without planning when you’re going to get birth control, and condoms, and yatta yatta :)

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