How do I fix an extremely uneven tan?

So…
I realized that my tan is kind of like this…
My arms are a light tan, but I have a farmers tan going on. yay, working outside.
The tops of my shoulders and a stripe on the back of my neck are a darker tan. yay, concerts.
The rest of my body is incredibly pale.

I go to the beach.
I lounge around in shorts and tank tops.
I’m not a fan of being multi-colored.

How can I fix the tan so it’s even without a tanning bed? Or lotions, because I don’t trust myself to not make it streaky?

And no, I’m not tanning naked. Thank you, chat room.