General Question

brenden's avatar

Would you date the person a long-term boyfriend cheated on you with?

Asked by brenden (72points) March 15th, 2008 from iPhone

I recently found out my boyfriend of 4 years had been cheating on me with another man for 6 months. I ended up contacting this other man and we have become great friends. My friends warn me that it’s not a good idea, but we’ve known each other for about 2 months and I’m starting to develop feelings for him. Is this wise?

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14 Answers

Mtl_zack's avatar

well from what i understand, this guy is gay, because he cheated on you with your boyfriend, who is a man, so i wouldnt put the effort into it.

GD_Kimble's avatar

Did he know you and your bf were together at the time?
If so, he’s a scumbag, and you should run for the hills.
If not, you have to ask yourself if the only real bond you two share is mutual distrust/dislike for your (shared!) ex.

Either way, not a good idea.

El_Cadejo's avatar


squirbel's avatar

Let me put it this way:

You started dating your ex because you liked something about him, be it his personailty, his mind, or his attractiveness.

Your ex started dating this guy for similar reasons.

You are interested in the third wheel because you all have something in common and are all likely to love the same things about each other.

My point is a rough draft, but hopefully you understand – you’re attracted because of the same or similar reasons you were attracted to your ex.

Conclusion: Steer clear, you’re in for a world of pain. Staying with either of them is masochistic.

jrpowell's avatar

I have to go with GD on this one. If he knew about your relationship he is selfish or doesn’t value relationships. I would be surprised if he didn’t cheat on you in the future.

And did he ever apologize to you?

I think I might have misread the question. Ignore me.

Noon's avatar

My first instinct is no. This story is far too complicated for this to work out well.

But then I have to say, I’ve never put the blame of cheating on the “other woman” or in this case man. I’ve always felt that the person to blame for cheating is the person who cheated. I’ve never understood why the blame should be put on the other person, even if they knew, they had no responsibility towards the other party.

So if you two are aware of everything that happened, and you are open and willing to talk about it, I don’t personally think that either of you did anything wrong to each other. And that would be a great story to tell the grandkids.

Riser's avatar

honey… Sweetheart… There are better guys out there. I have one. Noon, above has one.

The truth is, if this guy wants you he’ll tell you anything you want to hear.

If you are looking for something long term stay out of this. You want a man who will cherish you and is like-minded. Be patient. My Michael was worth the wait.

Ken00bi's avatar

My question to you would be, would your new lover respect a relationship anyway? He obviously didn’t respect the relationsship you were in before isn’t it?

iSteve's avatar

Yeah, this just has red flags all over it. I wouldn’t do it.

skfinkel's avatar

No. I wouldn’t want to be involved with a person who had been with a person who was in a relationship.

Emilyy's avatar

Sounds like a messy situation. Also, it’s possible that you and the new interest are both bonding over (among other things) the fact that you have this other person in common—the very person that inadvertently brought you two together.

He might be totally rad, but you’re probably better off starting off fresh and new in a less messy situation with a much better man—a man who wouldn’t stand idly by while your ex cheated on you. Like Riser said, there are better men out there. It just might take some time to find him. Right now, you are tempted by the option sitting in front of you, but if that option weren’t there, you might be able to find someone who truly deserves you.

deepseas72's avatar

Absolutely not, buddy. How could you form a trusting relationship with someone who had no respect for the sanctity of your relationship with your ex?

cwilbur's avatar

What’s your long-term goal? Do you want drama, or stability? Getting involved with the other man just about guarantees a healthy dose of drama in your near future. If that’s what you want, go for it.

CMaz's avatar

You need to see a doctor. Or are you the orgie type of person. Get away, far away… From both of them.

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