Social Question

suzie271's avatar

Why is it so difficult to make genuine friends these days?

Asked by suzie271 (284points) May 30th, 2010

I feel like nowadays most people only consider you to be a friend if you can do something for them….
People no longer just want to have someone to talk about life and share their problems..
I feel like alot of people only consider you to be a friend if they can get something out of you… they are not really interested in you the individual..
They seem to only be out for a fun time and if you can’t introduce them to the next party or fun time or have something to give them like a free room when they want to go on holiday where you live then they don’t want to be friends with you.

Or they only do things for you because they want to get something out of you later..
Why have so many people become so shallow and selfcentered ?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

22 Answers

Berserker's avatar

Perhaps before you determine the intent of others when it comes to friendship, you might look at yourself first.

suzie271's avatar

What are you saying exactly symbaline?.. u didn’t answer my question…
I like people fullstop.. i don’t care if they can do something for me

MissA's avatar

I agree with @Symbeline. The friends you choose are largely a reflection of yourself. If you don’t like what you see in them, do some soul searching. And, perhaps, you are attracted to or attracted by, the wrong type of ‘friends’.

suzie271's avatar

I didn’t choose these people… I am saying most of the people I meet seem to be like that…how will you choose if the people you are meeting aren’t choosable???

Berserker's avatar

@suzie271 Sorry, just seems to me like your conviction of what people are like needs work.

MissA's avatar

Sweetie, we choose in all sorts of ways. You might not intentionally, on the surface, choose. But, having an attraction to, or an aversion to…in the end, are choices.

You are not meeting the right people for you. Only you can change that.

suzie271's avatar

Yes my problem is how to go about meeting the people right for me…

MissA's avatar

Until you find people that seem to have the basics of what you require as a friend, don’t open yourself up in entirety. Just a thought. I feel that you are sincere…and frustrated.

marinelife's avatar

Start by joining clubs that fit your interests. Do you like hiking? Dancing? Books? You can meet some like-minded people at organizations devoted to these interests.

Do you have a dog? My impression is that most dog people are great people. Consider taking your dog to a local off-leash park and meeting people there.

I have not had your experience. The people I have been meeting since moving to the Wash DC area have been great.

suzie271's avatar

Yes I am a very sincere person and maybe approach people as a sincere person.. only to find out months later through my experience with them that they are not sincere…
it makes things difficult

MissA's avatar

@marinelife has made some great suggestions. Perhaps I’d add, don’t ‘want’ too badly. You may be lonely, but it’s better to take your time and let friendship develop in a healthy way…not, for what you can do for someone else.

suzie271's avatar

thanks for you replies :)

MissA's avatar

@suzie271 My best to you.

GrumpyGram's avatar

My opinion is that we are so incredibly MOBILE that either 1) we don’t try to get to know people since we subconsciously feel either they will be gone soon or WE will be gone soon or 2) it’s a matter of accidentally living in an unfriendly place and 3) I think people don’t have the TRUST they used to have of strangers. That is, thanks to the media, we’re told that most people are either serial killers, alcoholics, drug addicts or child molesters. It’s not that we consciously think this; we subconsciously FEAR that the persons we Could meet may be one of the above. So, over the years, we hear that chatting over the fence doesn’t happen much anymore. Neighbors SUE their neighbors now. Did I imagine all of this stuff??
The best way to make friends is to join a CULT. If you are a member of a group that believes in the same weird stuff you believe in, they’ll embrace you and then dump you if you leave.

stardust's avatar

I agree with a lot of the comments/suggestions that have been made. I feel we attract certain people into our lives for different reasons. I understand your frustration. I agree with what @MissA said about not opening yourself up entirely until you feel you’re befriending the type of people you want. Good luck :)

SmashTheState's avatar

According to some measures, as much as 20% of the population in the West is now sociopathic. Probably the majority of the population has some sociopathic tendencies. After decades of rewarding sociopathy and punishing altruism, we have finally begun to achieve the society we deserve: greedy, short-sighted, shallow, empathy-free ideologues who are either moralizing oppressors or completely amoral hipsters.

“Friendship” is antithetical to sociopathy. It requires a certain measure of empathy, and empathy in our current culture is a dangerous weakness. Unless and until capitalism is overthrown, it will only become worse.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

You say ‘these days’ – what days are you comparing them to?

perspicacious's avatar

Maybe you should be more selective about whom you try to befriend. All of my friends are genuine. But then, I’m a genuine friend as well. Take a look at yourself.

suzie271's avatar

I am selective about who I try to befriend.. I am just finding that the majority of people I meet are not the friends I am looking for.. So I am wondering where to find genuine friends…

People need to stop making this comment about I should look at myself.. I strongly believe in treating people in a way I would like to be treated.. so I am constantly analysing my behaviour toward people..

Primobabe's avatar

We’ve probably all been in those one-sided “friendships,” in which the other person is 100% take-take-take and absolutely no give. Such “friends” go on and on about their problems, but they never want to listen. They don’t hesitate to take help but offer nothing in return. A better word might be “sponge.”

Nobody wants to be doormat, and I think it’s unusual for those relationships to continue for very long. The giver gets fed up with the taker and moves on.

perspicacious's avatar

@suzie271 When you put a question out there, you get the answers you get. We can only go by what you say in the question.

Silhouette's avatar

People isolate more than they used to, the majority of their socializing is done online or over the phone. I’m not saying you can’t make a genuine friend online but the intimacy is a little slow to grow. It takes a certain amount of intimacy to build a genuine friendship and that is hard to develop online.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther