General Question

iceblu's avatar

What do you think my friend should do? Relationship Question

Asked by iceblu (919points) March 16th, 2008

So say you were messing someone for almost a year, best friend to be exact, and then all the sudden your like “hey i like this girl, lets stop having sex,” so you start dating this girl meanwhile still messing around with the best friend, not sex but receiving head, mutual masturbation, naked things people in a relationship shouldn’t do, and then one night you tell the girl you really don’t know why your dating this one girl, because you think you can do better. Do you think it is wrong for the girl to keep messing around with the boy, and for the girl not to feel bad?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

31 Answers

Whyte0ut's avatar

Sounds like it’s time for an orgy.

joeysefika's avatar

Wow it looks like your friend is in a bit of a pickle!

iceblu's avatar

yeah tell me about it, ahahah u guys have anything useful to say? =D

Zaku's avatar

It sounds like you’re too close now to see yourself clearly, and are mainly reacting. I’d suggest you step back and get clear what your goals are, and what you really want each relationship to be like, so you can be true to yourself and do what makes sense.

Riser's avatar

Look up “relationship” in the dictionary and decide, for yourself, what is most important to you (that includes their feelings as well)

delirium's avatar

Getting yourself in this position means that you shouldn’t be thinking about a relationship. Eeeesh.

jrpowell's avatar

Man, I have read that ten times and still don’t understand the situation. A little Person A, Person B, and Person C might have helped.

But it sounds like a bad situation and someone is going to end up getting hurt. I would try cleaning up the situation. Stop all physical contact with the parties involved and start anew. You might/should be able to salvage your friendship.

Ken00bi's avatar

My guess is there is an abundance of hormones going around but no commitment. If the three of you don’t care about commitment and everyone sort of agrees I don’t see where the problem is. But if you feel like you are cheating, you are probably right and someone will start to dislike you with a passion in the end.

Javas42's avatar

wow thats hard but u have to go by ur feelings cuz thats what matters the most

scamp's avatar

It sounds to me like you want to have your cake and eat it too. If you want to be a ‘Good Luck Chuck” (movie reference) that’s fine, but don’t expect to be able to have a serious relationship with anyone until you are finished sowing your wild oats. Your description sounds a little Clintonish to mean.. Oral, masturbation, and naked things aren’t sex? Did the girl you were dating feel the same way?

Riser's avatar

oral sex is still very much… sex.

FlutherMother's avatar

Let’s get this straight. You were having sex with your best friend. When you started dating another girl, you decided to continue everything but the actual intercourse with your best friend (which is still sex no matter how you want to paint it). You are unsure if you still want to be dating the other girl, but you are still continuing to have relations with your best friend and wondering if anyone should be feeling bad? Does the girl you’re dating (or are you still dating?) know about your best friend and what you are doing? If three, generally sane adults consent to the arrangement without coercion on any part, what you do is your business and I say enjoy. However, I have the strong feeling that your dating girl does NOT know. Is that fair to her? And, if you are questioning why you are dating her at all, is it really a relationship worth keeping? And your best friend? Time to look at how your really feel about her. Are you mutually offering each other just physical relief or do you really, really like her and are just keeping the “friends” part because you are too scared or worried about how it would change your current relationship if you make the leap from friends to couple. I do say that someone (if not several someones) are going to end up hurt. But step back and take an honest look at yourself and how you feel about each person and what you want. Better to break now with a little hurt than have people hanging on to a futile situation building resentment. And last thing, remember that there are other people involved in this and their feelings and any expectations they have will come into play no matter what you, yourself, actually end up deciding. Whatever the outcome, please remember to be considerate of everyone and try to understand their point of view (even if you are the one ending up hurt!). Good luck!

DeezerQueue's avatar

“Do you think it is wrong for the girl to keep messing around with the boy, and for the girl not to feel bad?”

Why are you trying to put this squarely on the shoulders of the girls and not your own?

iceblu's avatar

It’s not me, you guys are not understanding, its my friend, i copied the details from our AIM convo, thats why its so messed up, i didn’t write it.

scamp's avatar

Ok, then apply what everyone has said here to your friend. Tell him what we’ve said.

iceblu's avatar

i will, so thank you all =]

scamp's avatar

Let us know how it works out for him.

DeezerQueue's avatar

All right, then, ask your friend why he is trying to imply that the girls are doing something wrong, but he doesn’t believe that he is.

cwilbur's avatar

I can’t figure out who’s doing what with whom. This whole thing needs to come out in the open, so that everyone involved knows what everyone is doing, and then it will work itself out. Probably with a lot of screaming, but when you get yourself into a sticky situation, you can’t expect it to work itself out.

Poser's avatar

I don’t understand a word you just said.

Could you repeat the question in English?

Fallenangel's avatar

yeah…. you have to choose one or the other.
ive been in a situation very close to this, and it fou keep going like you are, youre going to go down in flames.

best of luck

The_Inquisitor's avatar

Lmfao!. no wonder it made no sense-ish? copied and pasted from the actual convo. lol >_>
i got way confused at the end.. of which girl is wut .. haha..

MissAnthrope's avatar

Do the girls both know about each other? If so, how do they feel about it? If not, he needs to either ‘fess up to the one he’s dating or he needs to stop fooling around with his best friend.

I think it’s morally wrong to have sexual relations with multiple people at once if they don’t know about it. Not just from a dishonesty/cheating perspective, but because your friend is potentially a disease vector and that’s not fair or right. All parties need to know exactly what’s going on so they can decide whether they want to take the risk.

deaddolly's avatar

Try salt peter in your friend’s food.

jeffnearlife's avatar

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I wouldn’t recommend it.

TheFonz_is's avatar

i think it’s time your “friend” start standing up for himself and actually admits that its you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! your the friend haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa buuuuuuusted. :)

kutelilkat's avatar

sounds like he needs to just pick one. somethings not right. He shouldn’t be messing with both at the same time and they don’t know it.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

I was really going to try and help you out with this but after reading your question thoroughly several times I became more and more confused. I’m not even really sure who’s sleeping with which friend and who’s the one cheating? So confusing. Sorry I couldn’t be of any help. Some basic and logical advice would be to tell your “friend” or whoever is the cheater that CHEATING IS WRONG. If they’re unhappy and think they can do better they need to end their current relationship. Period.

Just_Justine's avatar

not if she doesn’t mind sloppy seconds.

food's avatar

why are you worried about whether the girl should feel bad if you don´t (or your friend doesn´t)? A little gender equality here

food's avatar

What I meant to say was, it´s more important what you (or your friend) feels is right or wrong and you should pay more attention to that first; if you´re busy thinking about whether the girl is right or wrong, maybe you´re trying to shift blame or avoid thinking about what you really want

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther