Is my boyfriend sabotaging our relationship?

No, until he works out his issues all you will be is a target. He may be worth going back to after he settles some issues, but now you are in a situation where it will be very hard to win.

I think you should be really steady, and consult with yourself, not him, about everything you question. He’s getting unstable. The reasons might make us all feel for him, but we can’t help him because he’s not asking. Let’s take really good care of You. Safe and sane is the precursor to a good happy time. Make sure those things are solid for you.

Or this is how the other relationships ended. Go with your gut, you think he is pushing you away and he drank enough canned courage that he told you to your face the night he was drunk. I am inclined to agree with you.

Way too weird to be called a healthy relationship. Keep looking

Wait a minute. You’ve been dating “a year and a half”. You’ve been having issues since 6 months in. That means you’ve now been having issues for twice as long as things had been good.

You’re still with him why, again?

Please try not to get wrapped up in that habit that many of us as women do.. which is to try and “fix” a man. These are HIS issues, they aren’t issues of the relationship. 6 months is way way too young of a relationship to be jumping major hurdles already. You two should have still be head over heels infatuated at that point, that’s a big red flag. Studies have shown that the issues you face in the first few years together will be the same problems that couples complain about 50 years down the road. Is this something you can see yourself dealing with for the rest of your life? If not, then I really don’t see the point in continuing the relationship. Basically I’m saying that unless he really has the courage to cope with his own trust issues and resolve them on his own, you are fighting a losing battle.

I’m sorry, I hate to sound so negative.. but I do feel that it’s true. Best of luck to you!

He doesn’t own your personal life. He’s just your boyfriend but already acting like you’ve married with him and he has enough right to control you? Ask him to sit with you in a quiet place and you both discuss about this issue. If he refuse to be rational and work on it then there’s no better option than to leave him. I know he uses this protective reason as an excuse but we know he’s just putting his own problem on you. You need to trust each other in your relationship or you’ll ended up in another bigger issue. Try to warn him that you’ll break up with him and find another much better guy if he keeps doing this. He’s not the only man you can live with,there’s still another much better man waiting for you out there.

He is wounded from past relationships.
You love him.
That’s enough. Stay with him, and make him realize you are commited to him (if you are).
Good luck.

I would run like my feet were on fire.

run…..you cant fix him. you deserve to be treated like a goddess.

You deserve better than he is treating you. He could be doing it out of fear, but that is his issue and there isn’t anything you can do to fix it. If you really want things to work out, see if he would be willing to go to counseling. If not, there really isn’t anything you can do and he will continue to push you until you finally leave.

You can’t fix what’s wrong with him. Until he gets some help for himself he will continue to escalate. He has already started with the verbal abuse and emotional head games. Physical abuse is the next ting on the list. Get out now.

Absolutely physical abuse is next on the list! @Trillian is right. Leave. Now.

Poor thing. I’d bet the other relationships ended in the same way, and about the same time frame. Ask him.

I bet if you researched his past interests in certain hobbies you’d find the exact same pattern. A year of enthusiasm, six months of waning interest, done.

He’s still in the process of figuring out what he wants in life, and he’s currently trying you on for size. But unfortunately, he’s become a martyr, saving his own ego from becoming the bad guy, by claiming that others have mistreated him. It’s a form of guilty talk. You know, when the SO accuses you of cheating, when actually they are the ones cheating behind your back. Poor thing.

I’m sure you can fix him. Let me know how that goes for you.

You are using up precious years of your youth. Get him into counseling…you can’t fix him and there is SOMEthing wrong. You and he need to get up to zero with your relationship, as it’s in a deficit now. I sure wouldn’t waste much more time unless he’s willing to get help. Why would you want to do this to yourself?

@MissA Now that is a good question and honestly I dont know. I think i fell in love with the man from the first 6 months, and now ive spent a year trying to get him back. Sometimes he shows up to say hi but then he disappears and is replaced by this other guy who showed up after 6 months lol. Out of all the guys i’ve dated i never had a connection like what I had with him. I know i must love him because I NEVER put up with half as much drama as i’ve put up with him. Now I feel tired. Maybe that guy i fell for is gone forever? I just have a hard time believing it.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I really would love to fix him, so BOTH of us could be happy. I talked to his friends and they say this is indeed a pattern for him. They think its because the really bad relationship went on for 2 years, so now he just (consciously or subconsciously) ends things around a year and a half. I cant help but think that maybe if I stick it out past 2 years he’ll break the cycle, but I dont want to waste my time either. It’s gotten to the point that he’s increasingly asked for “space” or “Breaks” (something I used to fervantly fight because im far from a clingy GF and I know its a BS excuse). I recently gave in to giving him space. Now i’m scared he wont come back.

Drop the zero. If hes being the jerk, don’t enable his ridiculous antics. Youre just as guilty if you allow him to torture you in this way. Men hate breaking up with women. Hes probably just trying to get you to do it so you dont “go crazy on him”.

@meagan

If it’s him you want, then have faith in human nature. Human nature tells us that people want what they cannot have. So, if you want him to want you, then remove yourself from him altogether, avoid all contact, and completely ignore him. Fuggetaboudit!, and watch him come running back with his tail between his legs.

Better yet, be a clever girl and slyly get the word out to one of his friends that you’ve got a date with someone else. This will be a fun experiment on human nature for you, and demonstrate what a predictable dweeb he really is. I give it, oh, let’s say three days, before he calls to show off his ugly jealous side. Watch him shrink before your very eyes, and then tell me if he’s the kind of Man you’d like to spend your time on and share your mind, body, soul with.

Better get your story worked out in advance because he will be asking lots of crazy questions about your date.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Why was that toward me? lol. By the way, your entire answer is just one big mind game. Lay it out on the table. Relationships shouldn’t be political. This man sounds like a cancer. Cut it off.

@meagan whoops! my bad, sorry. answer meant for @Meblah

However, I agree with you, and yes, it is a mind game. You may verify our accord in my previous answers.

Yet when one does not wish to heed sound advice, rather than fight the whining, I’m all for providing them with the tools necessary for self destruction. And I’ll never pass up an opportunity to run a social experiment at the expense of young naive love brats.

If she still wants him, after receiving sound advice from you and others, then let her pursue having him. Win or lose, knowledge is earned, and she will ultimately grow from either experience. The question is, will she earn that knowledge the easy way, or the hard way.

When one discovers they are being manipulated, there lies a rare opportunity to put their social cleverness to the test. A chance to mature and evolve (in a fun way) has presented itself. A chance to bend & twist a mind game back in on itself, forcing it to eat itself, like a dog chasing its tail. This allows us to see deception for what it really is. I will not pass up such an opportunity. Unless of course, the initial sound advice is heeded, and the victim does not beg for the opportunity to torture themselves further. Who am I to argue with one who loves pain and heartache?

Will you deny that the clever ruse I propose is not indicative of human nature? I’ll bet you $5 bucks that everything I said comes true. Then at least, if @Meblah doesn’t want to just walk away from it all, then at least @Meblah will have a new perspective on just how easily this weak minded excuse for a boyfriend can be toyed with like a piece of worthless putty. That’s very unattractive to many women. But little girls always seem to want to fix things. Perhaps after putting the boyfriend through the ringer, @Meblah will have better eyes to determine how attractive he really is to her.

Young relationships are so predictable.

Little girls want to take the bleeding heart of a boyfriend and fix it. It’s the Princess fantasy. She stays true to him, while he fights off the dragon. They also have it in their mind that if he gets fixed, then he’ll be forever grateful to the one true love that fixed him. Hence, he will never ever think about cheating on her or leaving. Ego trip.

Little boys want to feed their ego as well. It’s the HeMan fantasy. He can do anything he wants and disrespect everyone for the sake of the greater cause. He must conquer his kingdom, and if a few heads need to role in the process, then so be it. But this ego trip is exactly the thing that will bring him running to her if @Meblah partakes in my evil plot. For his ego will not stand for losing part of his already conquered kingdom to another. Yep, jealousy is a powerful tool, and should only be wielded in very rare and mission critical circumstances.

As you can tell, I get a great deal of pleasure analyzing young relationships. I could go on and on. And so I think I will. Only out of boredom while files are processing.

The Boyfriend, is approaching a critical time in his life. He’s feeling very comfortable with the patterns he’s developed, yet, as he is so predictable, he’s once again beginning to evolve that HeMan fantasy into one of Martyrdom.

“Whao always me…” This is dangerous for both Him and @Meblah. It even sounds like he’s convinced his friends of his dour plight. He has now proclaimed himself as the victim. And this is the ugly Truth of Deception. For in his proclamation of Martyrdom, he attains even more attention than he previously ever could, and has manipulated his way out of being responsible for any of his own actions. That’s a pretty safe place to be. Blame everyone else for his problems. Danger Will Robinson!... Danger!

This only feeds the beast further (the dragon chasing it’s tail). For @Meblah naturally wants to address his Martyrdom and offer her comfort to it. But she must look herself in the mirror and ask if she’s doing it because she really really loves him so much, or does she play his games to hopefully satisfy her own ego Princess Fantasy referenced above. That’s a tough question. But if it’s not answered one day, then this cycle of deception and false ego will continue to repeat itself, and they will both grow to be tired and bitter old people that nobody wants to talk to.

Well that’s enough for now. You are free to tell me where I’ve misread the situation. I’m probably only writing this to feed my own ego with the possibility of getting a few extra GA’s on my account.

But regardless, the sooner people address that Dragon of Deception for what it is, the sooner they realize that it’s just Madness chasing its Tail. It attempts to devour itself. What can eat itself and live? Best to kill it dead before it eats us too.

If @Meblah wants to feed the Dragon. Let her do it. But she’s only feeding it with herself.

@pennybooks Why are you telking smack to @RealEyesRealizeRealLies . He/she makes some very good points. When You’ve been here a little longer you’ll see that there are many
“What should I do?” relationship questions posted by people who can’t seem to get a clue. Lots of co-dependent people, and women who accept abuse over and over and over, and keep asking the collective the same, tired, worn out stuff without ever coming to a decision. People who can’t seem to find a lick of common sense, and ask the same basic question over, and over, and over again. Or they just seem to want validation for something they want to do that isn’t quite the right thing, or they know but don’t want to admit it or are just in denial.
Questions like this have earned the censure of the collective and @RealEyesRealizeRealLies may be taking a poke at this person but he is explaining him/herself and offering insights. If the truth is offensive to you, maybe it’s time for you to re-evaluate some things.

@Trillian Two thumbs up, and a big smile!

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies wow…fast with the fingers!

Nothing I like better than a hot cup of drama first thing in the morning!

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies lmao….....yeeehaaaaaaaaa!

Never mind

@Trillian not drama from you. drama from the penny punk.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I know. I was going to comment on the use of the word “deteriorate” as a verb, then changed my mind since it can technically be used as a verb, but not in this instance….

@Trillian
lol! so, you support @RealEyesRealizeRealLies ‘s proposition to basically play even more mind games with @Meblah ‘s boyfriend?
if she’s feeling some negativity from her boyfriend’s “mindgames” (or maybe he’s just going through a tough time, like it was stated) then obviously more mindgames would worsen this relationship. lol, i think if a person is asking for advice, they want to make things right, not worse. if you hit me, ill hit you back. if i hit you, you hit me. it goes until its over. two wrongs dont make a right? (supposedly fluther is full of “good” minded people with “positive” outlooks on life, RIGHT? LOL)

i was just suggesting @Meblah to talk to her boyfriend, with a little spiteful comment towards realeyesdragonthing. getting facts straight from the boyfriend, rather than some internet analysis and inference, based on a person’s OWN experience, would be far less accurate. each person is different, and i feel like that post was just categorizing this shit to no end. relationships are unique.

rebuttal: lol! so then im allowed to get flamed? this site is awesome.

@Trillian
oh, and just because its earned the “censure” of the collective, doesnt mean that you should automatically just assume to cut it. you guys all take the easy way out, ofc its way easier to say: “you’ll find another, so just leave him.” @filmfann has the right idea, but i have a feeling my posts are gonna be deleted, as apparently anything i say is against the rules.

sheep, i tell ya

Wow so I come back from work to this… Where to start? First of all @RealEyesRealizeRealLies I have and never will “play mind games” with anyone I’m in a relationship with. In fact my straightforward and often blunt personality has been the reason plenty of men have fled fast from me. I DO NOT play games.

Its very easy to form huge assumptions about an entire person when you only have a post and a few replies to go off of so I will forgive your high brow snarkiness for the moment.

As a background reference I have always been a person to take very little from most men in relationships and run fast if shown red flags. For me this is a difficult case. I know in my heart of hearts that I love this person and I also know that real relationships take work. I’m not naive or blind to the fact there is a very obvious problem with the guy, and I have done my best to address it. The relationship isn’t a petty Disney princess relationship.

As I stated above to @MissA the thing that keeps me tethered to this man is the connection I have with him. It’s a connection I don’t have with my closest friends or even my family. Also, I too have been hurt by people I trusted most (So I know the feeling of wanting to give up on the love game), but that doesn’t excuse his actions.

However, this is a man who when my own flesh and blood couldn’t help me after I came out of surgery, took care of me like a saint. He’s hard working and extremely loving. So yes to end things would be VERY hard on my heart.

Once again, I do not, and never will play head games. I am also not naive to the situation.

The question maybe should’ve been “Do you fight for love with someone who’s too scared to love?” maybe. Either way I think I had the answer far before I even asked the question here.

Thanks to everyone who gave their answer’s even if they weren’t always pleasant.

@Meblah f’in righteous.

Hey good luck with the situation. Sounds like he has a great gal on his side. Hang in there and go for what you want. I wish you well!

@pennybooks You said “you guys all take the easy way out, ofc its way easier to say: “you’ll find another, so just leave him.”
When I tell someone that the verbal abuse is escalating and the next step is physical abuse so get out, how exactly do you interpret that as “taking the easy way out, you’ll find another”? Did you actually read what I wrote? I think that you must not have or you would never be able to draw that erroneous conclusion. The only way you could do that is if you had a substantial lack in the IQ department, and that surely is not the case with you, right? So you must have missed where I made the correlation between emotional and physical abuse.

Hey @Meblah… Hope all is well. It’s been a few months. How’dit all work out?