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malldesdoonie's avatar

Why do men say they want a relationship but really thats not what they want?

Asked by malldesdoonie (123points) June 3rd, 2010

I’ll try to make a long story short, I attended Lincoln Tech for about 2yrs where I befriended this guy. I thought he was cool and he became my “go to” person when I had questions about guys we became really close. Fast foward to the summer of that yr, he graduated and threw a party to celebrate I was invited of course, something happened and the police ended up shutting the party down. I was leaving and i bumped into him on the way out i started to say goodbye, we got to talking and he revealed that he had feelings for me and that he wanted me to be his girlfriend.

I guess you can call it me being stupid idk he SOUNDED so sincere. Being that he knew about all of the horrible things id been through with my sons father i didnt suspect a hidden motive, he asked for a kiss one thing led to another and you know the rest. it went on like that for the rest of the summer, throughout the summer he kept expressing how much he wanted me and wanted to be in a relationship with me…anyways fast foward a yr we had lost touch with each other and recently ended up bumping heads again

we hopped right back on the path we were on but after a session i asked him exactly what was i to him and he told me he didnt know. He said that he didnt know how to label us, I confronted him about all that stuff he was saying over the summer and he said he only said it because he was considering it. ( yea right)
I tried to end the friendship and he’s insisting on us being friends but since i told him that means we wont be having sex he’s stopped calling me and wont return anyof my calls…why is this??

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22 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

They say it because it sounds better than….I want to boink you into next week,fair maiden!

gemiwing's avatar

Because players know that’s the easy-in to your pants.

ucme's avatar

Some say this in order to explore the contents of your knicker drawer.Bizarre but hey, guys need a hobby right?

Blackberry's avatar

If every man and women said what they really wanted, no one would ever get laid. It’s hard enough to find people that don’t want a relationship…geez.

Seriously though…....sometimes people change their minds. I thought I was ready for marriage at 22, then the Summer came I did not want to be married anymore lol.

Silhouette's avatar

Because women fall for it more often than not. They ask a girl point blank if she wants some casual sex most of them are going to say no. They ask a girl if she wants to be their girlfriend they say yes even though they wind up getting nothing but casual sex.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I don’t think it’s always deliberate. I think sometimes they think that’s what they really want, and then they come to realize that it isn’t what they wanted at all.

Trillian's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie You really think that do you? Aaaaalllllrrriighteeeeeeee then.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@Trillian you don’t think that happens? I find it hard to believe that some guys just don’t know what they want.

malldesdoonie's avatar

@Trillian I think she has a point b/c i gave the man a ride home and he KNEW that it was the last time he was going to see me. he just kinda sat there staring and me and asking me if I was seriou

meagan's avatar

Its all about sex!

malldesdoonie's avatar

@meagan see why can’t he be HONEST though? I told him flat out if it’s about sex LET ME KNOW, don’t keep me all tied up in something pointless when I could be with someone worth while and he got offended

meagan's avatar

@malldesdoonie “Your mouth says no, your eyes say yes!”

malldesdoonie's avatar

@meagan but my eyes and mouth were saying yes b/c I thought we were working towards the same goal sigh

meagan's avatar

@malldesdoonie Sorry. Men think they know it all. Especially everything about sex. And everything about getting a girl to have sex with you. Its an accomplishment. Especially a girl that doesn’t put out right away. Sorry!

Blackberry's avatar

@malldesdoonie It’s because some women say they want one thing and change their minds later i.e. Woman: “I just want sex and nothing else”.......2 weeks later….Woman: “Maybe we should start dating, what do you think?”. He was probably afraid you would do that, I don’t know.

Trillian's avatar

@malldesdoonie & @TheOnlyNeffie Did I try to argue you out of your point of view? I don’t think so. You both go right on ahead and think that those poor confused men truly think they want a relationship until after they’ve had sex with you, then they realize that they didn’t want more than that after all.
I’ll be the last one to try to change your minds.

Blackberry's avatar

@Trillian I know what you mean, but there are a few guys that truly think they want to be with a woman (or man) and just lose the love after awhile, ya know?

perspicacious's avatar

Honey, I couldn’t read your story. Are you really surprised that there is no life-long commitment from a guy who asked you to be his girlfriend when you “bumped into him” leaving a busted party? “He sounded so sincere.” Oh my goodness!

Welcome to Fluther

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that in those instances it’s always innocent emotional confusion. Maybe he met someone else. Or multiple other women. Maybe he realized that being in a relationship would restrict his social life in a way that he didn’t realize before would be so bothersome. Maybe he is just immature. No offense to the OP, I’m not saying this was necessarily the case in this particular situation – but maybe the woman he thought he wanted to be with changed after things got a little more serious. Sometimes people can be very cool friends, but be clingy or needy as a significant other. I just feel like there are plenty of circumstances that might cause a guy to change his mind, even if he genuinely thought he wanted to be with this person in the first place. I find it really hard to believe that it’s always said with malicious intent.

Not to mention that in this specific case, a year had passed since they had originally gotten together. A lot can change in a year.

GrumpyGram's avatar

” but since i told him that means we won’t be having sex he’s stopped calling me and won’t return any of my calls…” Wow! What a hint !! And you still call???
Here is the key. You said no sex, he stopped calling, end of his interest. I wonder: when you were with him all summer, did he take you out to eat/movies? introduce you to his parents? Call just to chat?
Sometimes when single we just need to stop seeing anyone who doesn’t want what we want. If he calls you for “dates” I would turn him down permanently. And I wouldn’t stay on the phone answering his questions, either. He isn’t evil ; he’s just not into an exclusive relationship.

malldesdoonie's avatar

@perspicacious please read the story fully, id known him for two yrs this isnt someone i hooked up with at some random party and plus he spent an entire yr telling me he wanted a relationship. Yes he did take me out to the movies, introduced me to his parents and to most of his friends. @TheOnlyNeffie theres some sense to what you’re saying b/c someone else once told me the same thing. @GrumpyGram Yes he did take me out to the movies, introduced me to his parents and to most of his friends, he even took me with him to his family reunion thats why im confused.

Trillian's avatar

@Blackberry I agree with you but I don’t think that this is the case here, and if you read the additional posts of the OP I think that you’ll agree that she is in denial. I’m not going to waste any more time posting, but I look forward to her next tearful confused question after having vested more time and personal dignity in this guy for nothing but more heartache.

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