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Private777's avatar

My sister says she should be able to stop by anytime?

Asked by Private777 (52points) June 3rd, 2010

I did another question but maybe it was to long!

She wants to come over without calling. Then when she does, she says the only reason I let her in is because we had an argument about the issue. She said “just tell people this is how I live.” (I don’t dust much or vaccuum, which is why I would like a phone call before she comes) Then she tells me that my house used to look much better and that I am not taking care of it.

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13 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

I feel it is rude to always drop by unexpectedly, unless you actually really like the person that is doing it and do not care.

Private777's avatar

Thank you for responding! She is never happy. I let her come in and then she says the only reason I did is because we had an argument about it. There is no satisfying her!!

Seaofclouds's avatar

If you don’t want to let her in, don’t answer the door. She can (meaning there’s probably little you can do to stop her) stop by anytime, but you don’t have to let her in every time she stops by. You can just not answer the door, or answer the door and tell her it’s not a good time.

I personally don’t mind if people stop by, but if they do so unexpectedly, they have to deal with whatever they just dropped in on (whether it means I have other company or I am in the middle of doing something else). Most of the people I know call first just to be sure I’m home and okay with them coming over.

If it really bothers you, tell her that she may like doing it, but you don’t appreciate it and that you want her to call before coming over. Be up front and honest with her about it. Tell her that if she doesn’t call first, you aren’t going to let her in or that you aren’t going to answer the door. Eventually she’ll get tired of coming over and standing at your door without being let in.

Private777's avatar

I have told her that I want her to call first. This has been going on for years. Finally I said ok you may stop by. Now that she stops by she complains about the place. (it is fine except for dust and vacuuming which is why I need a phone call). She also says I use it as an excuse to keep people away. I told her no I do not, I just need a minute to put clothes on and vacuum.
I also explain to her that I work seven days a week with crazy hours. Her response is “I know plenty of people who work full time, had kids and a husband and their house looks beautiful. Translation: Your condo should be spotless at all times.

No matter what you say to her she twists it around to suit herself. ANd she INSISTS that no one she knows and she has never heard of calling before coming to somones house.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I’d be very blunt with her and tell her that if she is that uncomfortable in your house the way it is that she insists on commenting about it every time she comes over, it may be best for her to stop stopping by. If you continue to allow her to treat you this way, she will never stop. You need to establish boundaries with her, starting by telling her that you no longer feel comfortable with her just stopping by and that she needs to call first or you will not answer the door.

Private777's avatar


I did set boundaries for years. Recently I decided to loosen up a little. Like I said, I let her come in but she found the negative in that as well. “The only reason you let me in is because we had an argument.” I told her that if you are going to judge me (after telling me to tell people “this is how I live” then you are not welcome without calling. I can already tell you what her response will be. She will tell everyone “see I told you she does not want anyone coming over. She does this all of the time. She asks for something. A solution is given and somehow she rejects the solution. This way everyone can still feel sorry for her.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Right, but if you know that she can’t be pleased, why continue trying? Set the boundaries that you want. If you don’t want her to just stop by anymore tell her that. If you just don’t want to hear her comments about your place anymore, once she starts making them, tell her that if she doesn’t like it, she can leave or stop talking about it. If you aren’t willing to do something to change the situation, I don’t really have any other advice.

If you only meant this to see if other people think it’s okay to stop by without calling, that will vary from person to person. I don’t mind it when people just stop over, and on occasion I will do it to (like if I happen to be driving by a friends house, I might stop by to say hi and see what they are up to since I’m right there). I usually call before going to someone else’s house.

marinelife's avatar

Being your sister does not grant her special rights. Tell her to call first or she is likely to find you not at home. Then if she drops over be “not at home.” Don’t answer the door.

Private777's avatar

The only problem with that is she knows my car. But if she does not call I am not answering the door. PERIOD!!! The issue is that even though I finally gve in she is still complaining about why I now let her in and she is making rude comments about my home. She is a real piece of work. We had words yesterday that I have been keeping in for years. I am tired of being treated like (%^& and not being supported when I have done nothing but support her son who is a special needs child. Thanks for listening. Now I am babling!!!!!

Seaofclouds's avatar

It’s ok. And in regards to the car, like I keep telling my son, just because their car is home, it doesn’t mean they are. I often pick friends up or they pick me up. :)

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

You should let her know that you also have a choice whether or not you answer the door ;))

perspicacious's avatar

A group of words followed by a question mark does not make it a question. Sister or not, if you ask that someone call before stopping by, they should.

Silhouette's avatar

From the small amount of information posted here it doesn’t sound like she is judging you, it sounds like she accepts you as is and just wants to be with you. If she said ” “just tell people this is how I live.” she seems to be encouraging you to stop hiding, stop making excuses and tell people MYOB it’s your life and you get to live it the way you want to. It sounds like your sister just loves you and wants to be able to stop by and see you dust or no dust. I’m sure it hurts her feelings to be asked to give you a warning phone call before she shows up. I know my sisters are welcome to waltz through my door day or night, rain or shine, dust or no dust.

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