Is my boyfriend gay?

You need to know people better before you consider someone a “boyfriend.”

The actual question here we cannot answer. It would require us to either be psychic or be a person sleeping with your boyfriend.

I wonder why you remain if you are so untrusting?
If your senses are telling you that something is not right then why are you with him?

After four years you should know him well enough. Perhaps he is not your soul mate and you need to re-think your relationship with him.

If he was gay, he probably wouldn’t be going out with you. He might be bisexual, but there’s nothing wrong with that. If he’s the latter, tell him this: If he ever cheats on you, make sure it’s with a guy. And to send you pics & vids.

When you tried to talk to him about it, did he actually have a conversation with you and listen to your concerns or did he immediately cut you off and end the conversation? If the two of you can’t talk about it and you can’t explain how you are feeling, that is a big issue in the relationship. I would tell him that you guys have to talk about how you are feeling and the doubts you are having about the relationship. If he refuses to talk about it, then there is little else you can do except either accept things the way they are or move on.

If you are feeling that something isn’t “kosher” about the relationship or if it just doesn’t feel right to you, there probably is a problem. Try talking to him again about your concerns and consider the possibility that you might want to break up with him.

Thank you for all the support guys. It seems that he is just not right for me I guess… I will try talking to him once again, but it seems that the truth in inevitable. Thanks again.
But please, if you have any other comments or anything to add, or any ideas as to how I should handle this, please keep answering.

You can love someone, but not be “in love” with them. It took me years to realize this.

Just curious…what is his reasoning for wanting to remain celibate until marriage (with you)?

Well, he said it was just a moral that he followed… Apparently it’s a tradition in his family (somewhat strict Christians). However, last time I checked with him he said he had denounced the Christian religion… and yet he want to remain celibate

Instead of worrying about his sexuality why not address your own needs with him.

By this I mean, it sounds as if waiting until you are married isn’t working for you any more. Focus on communicating that to him.

If he is gay, bi sexual or straight it makes no difference in the scheme of things if he is unwilling to work with you to make your relationship satisfying for both of you.

How old are you both? It’s possible that he has a very low sex drive.

Merriment has valid points. Just talk to him.

@Draconess25 A guy I worked with dated the same girl for three years in high school. They were one of the most popular couples in the school. He was gay, and in the closet (he is around 50 years old now, most gay high schoolers were in the closet back then) and his girlfriend wanted to be a virgin until she was married. He says it was the perfect combination. He is not bi.

My BIL dated women also, because he though that is what everyone does. When he was younger he always thought he would get married, because he figured that is what everyone does. Luckily that never happened.

Social pressures and norms can influence people a lot.

I don’t think either of the people I mentioned ever really felt sexually attracted to a woman.

But, certainly there ar epeople who are bi, I am just pointing out that there are people who date the opposite sex who are really just gay.

@JLeslie Good point. I would just never lie to myself like that.

My lady had the same suspicions about me. I’m no good at reading nonverbal cues (Aspergers), so was unable to determine if she was interested in a physical relationship. I cared so much for her that I wouldn’t initiate anything, for fear of offending her (she’d been horribly abused in a previous relationship). Eventually, several years into the relationship, she broke the impasse by asking me outright if I was gay. The ensuing explanation corrected everything. Maybe you have a similar communication problem?

IF he is gay he may be reluctant to come to terms with it, especially fearing total rejection from his very religious family.

When you raise the subject again, just be certain, before you say anything else, to let him know that you will never stop caring for him no matter what.

Even if he does turn out to be gay or questioning his orientation, it doesn’t mean that you necessarily need to cut him out of your life. You can still remain emotionally close as best friends. It just means that it will not end up as a sexual relationship. And you do have the right to know this so that you can move on to find the right romantic and sexual partner for yourself. But you don’t have to throw the last four years totally out the window.

There are many many real life “Will and Grace” situations between men and women who had been dating each other in their school years. It isn’t just a sitcom. It is based upon the real life history of the series creator (a gay man) and the woman with whom he has been best friends since their school days.

They are both in rewarding sexual relationships with others but still remain unique and close lifelong friends.

Just realize that because of his family’s strong religious views, it may be more difficult than average for him to come to terms with this.

He may be lying more to himself than even to you because he fears the consequences of coming out.

You need to let him know that he can trust you to NEVER betray his confiding in you or he has little incentive to open up. You may just want to begin the conversation by asking if he has ever considered the possibility that he maybe MIGHT BE gay rather than he definitely is.

But, I prefaced all of what I just said by the very large use of IF and I did that for a reason.

You really need to keep the possibility in your mind that it may not be the case that he’s gay. None of us here can possibly know one way or another The word IF is very crucial here.

IF he’s lying to you about it, it’s not being done to hurt you. He may just be totally scared of the consequences.

Or he may just not be ready to jump into sex of any kind with anyone yet.

But you do have a right to have another conversation so that you can get clarity on where you stand.

Just try to approach it in a less black and white/either or type of way. He may be somewhere in between at this point in time.

Sexual orientation can be much more confusing and frightening for some people than others. For you it isn’t but for him it might very well be.