When a spouse refuses to share the work of fixing a relationship, what can you do to get them involved?

In a question about why folks might reject thereapy, lclamae wrote a list that sums up some of what people said:

~I’m not crazy, don’t need a shrink
~I don’t like having someone tell me what to do. Especially when they don’t know me
~Afraid of being ganged up on
~Don’t want to admit the problem
~Want to keep it private. Don’t want others to know there’s a problem
~Ashamed of possibly needing counseling
~Stubbornly want to solve it yourself
~Already know what they’ll say and don’t want to pay for the counselor (but then don’t act on the problem)

I’ve recently met a couple of women with the same complaint—their husbands aren’t there any more, one working, the other drinking, and they wish there was something they could do to get their husbands to work on the relationship. I always urge people to get into counseling, but in both cases they’ve tried and the husbands won’t do it any more.

They asked me what they could do and I had no answer for them. I only know about counseling. So I put it to you. If your spouse refuses to openly deal with the issues, is there anything you can do that will work to get them to be willing to work at improving the relationship?

I know that nagging doesn’t work. Ignoring it doesn’t work. Making threats doesn’t work. Is initiating divorce proceedings the only thing that will get a recalcitrant spouse to pay attention and try?