Social Question

jm5225's avatar

Do you think something is wrong with my friend? What should I do?

Asked by jm5225 (253points) June 21st, 2010

I started talking to this guy about 2 months ago and since we started talking, we have literally texted nonstop all day until we went to sleep. We would chat on the phone, exchange video messages and pictures etc. We live kinda far apart so we have no actually met but have gotten very close over the past two months and planned to spend the weekend together over the 4th of July.

Things seemed great but last night around 7 when he was at work I fell asleep for an hour and have not heard from him since. It’s been over 24 hours and he said he was going out with friends when he got out of work but would still txt me and we were still on very good terms. Now I don’t know what to think, when I call him, it rings one time and goes to voicemail. I tried to call from another line to make sure it wasn’t a problem with my phone and it rings like normal. So I tried to call on my cell again later in the day and it rang like normal but now is doing the one ring and voicemail. I am concerned that something is wrong. I also thought maybe he blocked my number but I can’t imagine him doing this. I also can’t imagine that he wouldn’t e-mail me or try and contact me somehow to let me know there is a problem with his phone. I don’t know what to think, any suggestions? I feel like I might never here from him again, what would make someone just change over the course of an hour?

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31 Answers

Draconess25's avatar

Maybe he wants a break.

janbb's avatar

It’s very unlikely that he would change in his feelings for you with no indication of anything having gone wrong on your part. Doe he drink? Perhaps he got drunk with his friends and is sleeping it off somewhere? I can understand why you’re worried about it but try to give it a few days and see what happens.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I understand your concern but at this point I suggest you wait a few days. He may have gone camping or something and me out of touch from your usual methods of keeping in touch.

jm5225's avatar

He drinks very minimally, is not even of age. It’s just very odd because he has gotten upset when ive fallen asleep for a few hours and didn’t text him back. We were really getting close I can’t imagine him just throwing everything away but it seems to odd that I can’t call him and he hasn’t even attempted to e-mail me or anything at all. I just can’t make sense of it and I am concerned that maybe something happened to him last night. I guess all I can do is wait, but I am not sure what to think…

chyna's avatar

Do you know any of his friends that you can talk to? Have them check on him?

SamIAm's avatar

@jm5225 : I can’t offer any advice, this seems very strange… all I can say is what @janbb suggested, or drugs? but if you say that’s not him then maybe not. Don’t freak, it could just be that something happened with his phone and he doesn’t have access to the internet.

Please let us know what happened?!

jm5225's avatar

Only way I have to contact him is his e-mail address and cell phone. I know of his friends but can’t contact them in any way. He doesn’t even have a facebook or anything.

jm5225's avatar

@Samantha_Rae You are right and definitely not drugs, hes not like that at all. Atleast not that I know of, maybe I don’t know him as well as I thought I did since I would never expect this to happen….I will just wait it out and let you guys know….I have a weird feeling I will never hear from him again though or something really bad happened to him. :(

SamIAm's avatar

@jm5225 : send him a text and an e-mail… if god forbid anything did happen… someone will check these and hopefully get back to you. i know that hospitals around here will call the last person that was dialed… keep us informed!

chyna's avatar

Could he be getting nervous about meeting you on the 4th of July?

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

My thoughts are with @chyna….maybe he is nervous? I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions, yet.

I know that sometimes relationships (long distance ones) that are formed via electronic media can be very fickle. A few times (when I was online dating) I was frozen out just before the “actual meeting” in real life. This would be after countless phone calls, gifts sent to me, and just really getting along quite well. I think it was because there are so many expectations, most of them inflated and perhaps the person just felt that he (in my case) would never live up to the story, the hype, the fantasy. The calls would stop and the phone was never answered. It’s really easy to just disappear when you are simply a name on a text, or a voice on the phone…unfortunately. It’s a jungle out there which is why I started dating “flesh and blood” was a lot less hassle. However, I have friends who met and married via online matches. So, it’s the luck of the draw, really.

Still, it’s early…so hang in there. And please, please, get back to us, okay? I hope that he is okay..and that this is just a cell phone that was stolen/lost/broken.

chyna's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus That happened to me, so that’s why I suggested it. Right before meeting the phone calls stopped, his phone wasn’t answered. And our last conversation was perfectly fine, no indication of anything wrong.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@chyna…..Wow..thanks for sharing that…because that’s exactly how it was the few times that it happened to me, too! Thanks for that…..confirmation.

skfinkel's avatar

And yet… I had a wonderful conversation with someone, who then didn’t contact me as our date to meet got closer, and as I couldn’t imagine him not following through, I kept trying to reach him, and lo and behold, he had met with a terrible accident, I learned from his sister. Everyone had told me, though, that he had just blown me off, and to forget it—so I would follow up, if those are your instincts. The gut knows.

MaryW's avatar

He met with an accident or someone took his phone or he lost it ?
I agree with wait a while.
Seems odd though that you both have talked for two months and have no other contact method. Was this a secret on both sides?
I like @DarlingRhadamanthus answer and hope too that he is ok.

MissA's avatar

Maybe his fingers fell off!

That WAS a lot of texting. Time is on your side and hopefully the truth will be revealed to you soon. Take good care of yourself.

Merriment's avatar

You say : he has gotten upset when ive fallen asleep for a few hours and didn’t text him back. which is ridiculous… but okay.

And then you did it again, fell asleep while texting him and then you don’t hear from him.

It could be he is giving you the high tech “silent treatment” to punish you for falling asleep.

I hope I’m wrong because this is just the kind of controlling behavior that can grow into abuse.

MissA's avatar

You are so right…and, I know there are many wonderful people that we have conversations with on the internet. But, it would seem to me that meeting someone and immediately texting night and day with fanatical abandon, is a bit over-the-top.

Doesn’t that seem odd to you on ANY level? Perhaps it is the attention that is alluring. But, any way you slice it, there’s something odd to me. It sounds as if you’re head over heels about this guy. But, if he is only looking for someone to hold onto with an extremely short leash, that’s a whole other story.

Whether it’s the above or any other controlling factor…or, changed his mind about the 4th of July…I hope that things work out for you.

jm5225's avatar

well i finally got a text from him and said: “Don’t waste your time on me, your far to good a person to do so.” and now he is telling me that he has problems at home and his dad kicked him out and he wasn’t as perfect as he seemed…cant believe this..never had this situation before :(

SamIAm's avatar

oh hunny!! give him some time… i’m so sorry that this is turning out to be disappointing. maybe he needs some space. if he’s having problems at home, maybe it’s impacting how he feels about himself… space is good, and time heals everything (whether it helps you both or helps you move on)

good luck!! you’re going to be fine, don’t worry!!!

jm5225's avatar

Yeah we talked and things are better, I guess he didn’t want to put his problems on me or make me worry about things. He doesn’t get along with his dad which I knew but didn’t realize it was this serious. I feel much better that I heard from him though and that we are talking again. I understand his situation and don’t blame him at all. Everyone deals with things differently and he probably didnt know what to do so he cut everyone out until he cleared his head. Not the approach I would take but like I said everyone is different.

Elez's avatar

Try to convene him to share with you.

Cruiser's avatar

Maybe he is taken, married, girlfriend, S/O, etc.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

The 1st two to three months of most relationships are bliss, then it is like wine. It can either spoil or age into something very fine. He’s just told you about something that really bothers him, and he may look at it as a fault. The fact that he has offered this up is a sign that he likes and trusts you.

john65pennington's avatar

Here is a possible reason: he is married. he has told you many lies. he has been discovered. go back and think of some of your conversations/txt messages and see if his communications with you could be from a married man. this happens a lot. your distance from each other, may have been the only thing thats kept this information from you, up to now.

jm5225's avatar

@john65pennington uhm hes only 20 and we are gay…I don’t think this is the case haha. But i can see where you might assume something like this. I really don’t think any acts of infidelity or cheating are involved with this situation. If any it would be the 24 hours he did not contact me. Perhaps he has a fling. However I don’t think this is the case. Then again I didn’t think he would ignore me for 24 hours either…

janbb's avatar

It doe sound like it’s the problems with his Dad, but do give the friendship time and space to grow. It will help keep you saner in the long run if you give each other some space.

jm5225's avatar

He has been very minimal with text he will contact me when it’s convenient for him but rarely will respond to my text and keeps using my name when he says something to me. I am not sure how to take this but because of his lack of response or short responses when it appears to be convenient to him is making me feel like there is more to the story then I am aware of. Maybe he really is just really down in the dumps about the whole situation and not in the mood to talk to people or anything but I wish if it was something else he would just end this with me or pick things up a little. I am going to keep my mouth shut for another day or two but I know I won’t be able to wait much longer without confronting him about how there seems to be a missing puzzle piece someplace. It’s very frustrating how someone can change over night. He still texts me before he goes to bed every night and says good night but it’s weird how he keep saying my name in his texts.

janbb's avatar

Sadly, when you get to the stage in a friendship where you are looking for clues and trying to interpret every little thing, it may be on the way down. Maybe he is just going through a down spell and will come back to you, but in the meantime, try to look for other things in your life. It’s hard – I know, I’ve been there in the past.

jm5225's avatar

That is how I am feeling, I am thinking I should just wash my hands of this and walk away but he is still kind of hanging on a little. I am not sure how to take it, if I should put the added stress of confronting him on how I am feeling, or if I should ride it out and just stay supportive of his situation and see what happens. It’s just all to strange how someone can literally do 360 in a 24 hours period and then suddenly be a different person after two months. I truly believe there is something wrong that he won’t tell me.

chyna's avatar

It could be that the story is a lie, and there you are, hanging in there and being supportive. I’ve been there too, and the guy actually did a complete 360 in 24 hours also. It was a week before we were to meet. He just stopped calling, but emailed every couple days just to keep me hanging on. But no matter what anyone tells you, you have to figure this out on your own. I hope it works out for you.

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