Social Question

Blackberry's avatar

What's your opinion on the premise of not hanging out with a good friend of the opposite sex (or someone you like more than a friend) because you like them too much?

Asked by Blackberry (31011points) June 23rd, 2010

This isn’t about me, either. I was just thinking about it and what one should do in this situation. You always see it on T.V. and stuff and it had me pondering. Is it selfish and rude, or is the emotional torture too much to handle?

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18 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

*And I meant to add that you can’t have them.

marinelife's avatar

I think it makes sense to not hang out with someone that you love, but can’t have. It is too easy for us to fool ourselves, misinterpret tiny signs, all of which leaves us hanging on in the hope that something will change, instead of actively working to change things by avoiding this person and focusing on the possibility of new love.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Am I in a relationship? Either way, since I am in an open relationship, my partner would be made aware of my interest and inability to ‘get with that person’ but I wouldn’t limit my interaction with them.

Aster's avatar

I think anything painful should be avoided if at all possible.

Blackberry's avatar

@Simone De Beauvoir We can’t all be as lucky as you lol. And I’m serious, I think you guys are lucky.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Blackberry Well, it doesn’t matter about our relationship..it matters that they’re in a relationship and are off limits.

Thammuz's avatar

It’s probably because you don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you’d inevitably suffer, and probably partly because you could end fucking up the relationship if you were to act on impulse.

Personally i don’t get it, acting like that generally ends up killing the relationship anyway so why bother? Why shouldn’t one try all or nothing?

Personally i think that, unless the partner is also a friend of yours, there’s nothing wrong with waiting and “pouncing” at the first opportunity. Afterall in love and war everything goes, right?

Resonantscythe's avatar

Having been there myself, I have to say it’s just metric shit-tons less stress and suffering to just not be around that person if your in pain over your feelings for them. I’m kinda ashamed to admit that I’ve developed one-sided crushes and romantic feelings on friends before and it’s always very hard on you.

and to be a twelve year old, heehee, hard on (snicker)

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I have no problem subjecting myself to that as I have never been one to limit the opportunity to engage in emotional torture..lol

stardust's avatar

I would limit my interaction with the person. It’d be too painful to go through that all the time. Rather cut the fantasy short than fuel it, as hard as that is to do.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Yeah, I felt that way about a guy, who was very, very obviously no longer digging on his then-gf, but apparently too cowardly to end things with her. He’d keep signing up for classes I was in, sitting by me in class, trying to get me to hang out after class at the pub, etc. But, no, I was going to be moral; he was in a relationship, so I avoided him when possible. I didn’t want to torture myself. Mind you, this guy was very handsome, and a lot of girls would’ve liked to have gotten with him, but they saw him with his gf and backed off.

Except… there was one young lady in the last class we all took together who also fancied him, and she jumped him at her house party. He hadn’t brought the gf that night, but he hadn’t broken up with her at that point, either. Shortly after this party, though, he did. He and this other woman are still together, 6 years later.

I have no idea what that means. I’m just puttin’ it out there.

Blackberry's avatar

@Resonantscythe TMI bro…...TMI…..lol.

Blackberry's avatar

@aprilsimnel It means that emotions can overcome any fallacious societal norm :)

aprilsimnel's avatar

@Blackberry – At the time, I took it as him using the new girl as an excuse to break up with the old gf – and that if he had honestly been interested in me, he would’ve broken up with the old gf first. I also learned later that, the same as there’s women who are never ever without a man, this man has never been by himself for any appreciable length of time since he was 15 and he’s ~35 now. I’m not sure that that’s healthy, but who am I to say what’s healthy?

I’m from the school of clean breaks, myself, but I recognise that not everyone does things that way. If they’re happy and growing, then more power to ‘em.

Blackberry's avatar

@aprilsimnel I understand. It could be so. Although I can’t imagine being a stud like that, it must be hard to choose a flock of people wanting you lol. He probably has his own problems.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

If I’m not in a relationship and I can accept I can’t have them then I’ll enjoy the friendship and try to keep my gooey sappiness to myself. If I’m in a relationship then I’ll only hang out if I feel I wouldn’t get into emotional cheating/inappropriate flirtation because my partner and I are mutually exclusive by choice.

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