Social Question

TrickyZZZZ's avatar

Is she interested or not?

Asked by TrickyZZZZ (99points) June 24th, 2010

Ok I had plans with this girl I met online to go mini golfing and then go to my house to watch a movie. We went mini golfing, and things seemed to go well. We had a lot in common and I had her laughing the whole time. When we went to our cars she told me that she could not come over because she had “work” tomorrow morning but said she’d want to go on another date.

Is this a bad sign? Was she just being nice?? Why would she do this?

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28 Answers

rangerr's avatar

Maybe she actually has to work….

jazmina88's avatar

be patient young hopper…....
dont read too much into it if it’s the first time you really spent time together

Merriment's avatar

Maybe it suddenly occurred to her that as nice as you seem to be, she doesn’t really know you well enough to go alone with you to your home.

We girls have to think about things like this, unfortunately.

And it is hard to say to a guy:

“Hey you seem great but you could be an ax murderer so I’d like to get to know you better before I go alone to your home or any other secluded place where my screams won’t be heard and my body won’t be found until it starts to stink”

So we say “I have to work tomorrow” and hope you don’t take offense.

I don’t think it’s a bad sign at all..for one thing it shows the girl isn’t an idiot.

beccalynnx's avatar

first date, man. sounds like it went well.
don’t read too much into it. she probably really did have to work the next day.

Axemusica's avatar

Lets be honest… Movies at home, usually leads to hot and heavy dry humping. She could have a valid interest in you, but saw that movies at your place could lead to loss of sleep that she so dearly needs for the next day of work. Think nothing of it. You two had a great time at the mini golf and if you really think she had a great time then she would have to be crazy not to want to go on a second date, or third, or forth.

Just a little warning though… I’ve noticed that for some reason movies (at home) and some hot foreplay usually go hand in hand, so I’d save the cuddling on the couch with a movie for about the 3rd or 4th date. Until then go on fun dates (like mini golf) and suggest a cup of coffee afterward. This not only shows that you’re interested in really getting to know her (since there isn’t much else to do with coffee then talk), but it also shows that not all you’re thinking about is sex.

Happy hunting :)

TrickyZZZZ's avatar

idk people that I see that meet women online have sex the first night. Maybe it’s just what I see.

When asking her again would talking to her Saturday asking her if she had plans Sunday be too soon? She had even sugested the place to take her which is kind of far away so we’d be taking a trip.

I wok every day after Sunday and would not want to wait a week and have it rain out since it does almost every day(its a baseball game).

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It’s sounds like she’s interested in dating and getting to know you better more than she’s interested in having sex right away with a practically stranger. If you’re looking for a hookup then ask out others you think will be down for that. Not everyone who dates from an online introduction is just about easy sex.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Stop worrying, and just ask her if she has plans on Sunday. There are no rules to dating, despite what anyone tells you. That said, like the person above me said, don’t expect sex right away. If that’s all that’s on your mind, I wouldn’t ask her out again.

jazmina88's avatar

have patience young hopper. if the relationship blooms, then you may get the “booty”, but if that’s the goal, dont play with her. She’s real, not a cyber girl anymore.

Wait til you can go to bars and pick up drunk girls. or you always have a sock.

Scooby's avatar

Take it as a lesson in life, you’ll soon come to realise that women really do hold all the cards & this lady is no different, she’s just playing hers close to her chest. You’ve just got to learn to bide your time before you can sidle up for a peek! ;-) so to speak!! Let her make the next move, if she chooses not to, well, then just let her go… Chances are you’ll meet someone else….

PandoraBoxx's avatar

She has a job, she’s responsible, she wants to see you again, she’s not interested in being alone in the dark with someone she met online on the first date. I’m not seeing a problem here, unless you only took her to play miniature golf so you could get her alone and make out with her.

john65pennington's avatar

The mini golf was okay, but don’t you think a movie at your place on a first date was pushing the situation? go slooooooooooow. she told you she would like to have another date with you, so thats a great sign that she is interested. don’t be pushy. good things come to those that wait.

CMaz's avatar

She got to play with your balls.

Sounds like a good first date to me stud!

janbb's avatar

Sounds like she likes you but wasn’t ready to go back to your house. Ask her about Sunday, but don’t push sex yet.

SublimeLover's avatar

I would imagine that most of her friends and family who she told about the date advised her to skip the part about going back to your house for a movie on the first date. I would definitely give that advice to any girl meeting someone for the first time through an online connection. It’s nothing against you, it’s just a girl protecting herself and keeping the dates public until she feels comfortable. Don’t over-analyze everything she does. Go with your gut feeling and you’ll be fine.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@SublimeLover has a valid point.

I met a man on a gaming web site, and a month later, exchanged e-mail addresses. 3 months later, we were using web-cams. The next step, of course, was to meet in person. We planned a trip to Washington, DC, as neither of us live there, and it would give us plenty to do, unlike either of our home bases. We booked separate hotel rooms just to alleviate any more pressure of an initial meeting. Maybe she was just showing good judgement in not going someplace that might put her in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.

In the meantime, my friends were voicing their concerns about this, and one even considered going there himself to keep an eye on us. The trip was a success. We’ve since met each others’ families. His parents assured me he is not a serial killer or child molester. We are now engaged.

While you probably wouldn’t be questioning her feelings after the change of plans had she told you on the front end that she needed to cut the evening short, there are a few reasons she might have at the end. Maybe the putt-putt just ran longer than she expected and really needed to get some rest before going to work the next day. (My S/O and I barely got any rest before our initial meeting.)

She said she wanted to see you again, so please just take her for her word, and ask her out again. And please let us know what happens!

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

I wouldn’t go to a guy’s house to see movies after one date, either.

Some clarification:

Did she say, “I would love to go out with you again?” or did you ask, “Do you want to go out again sometime?” And she said, “Yes, sometime.” or “Yes, I would love to” or “Maybe sometime” ?

Nancy Drew needs more clues.

TrickyZZZZ's avatar

We leave and get to her car, assuming we were going to follow the plan I just asked her to follow me. She said she had work. I said, so I had work too. She said she couldn’t come cause she has work real early so I stopped asking. She suggested we go on another date and mentioned the place. We said goodbye and I kissed her on the cheek.

No texts, calls, anything yet (we went out only yesterday though). Theres the clues lol.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@TrickyZZZZ. She gave you the place. You call her and set up the date and the time. Usually there’s the 3 day rule.

I would wait for a few dates before you ask her to come to your place and watch a movie. Keep the dates in public places or with other people.

TrickyZZZZ's avatar


idk I just see that as normal. Everyone I know who meets people on myspace just brings them over to fuck. Meets them at the bar, same thing. I actually do want a relationship but it’s weird though to see a girl who isn’t down for that. I kind of see it as disinterested, but I guess not.

Also I work every day, so if I don’t go this Sunday it will be more like a 7-day rule lol

Should I just talk to her over text\phone for the next week and plan to meet her at the end of the week or rather just call tomorrow and ask her to go out Sudnay

Jeremycw1's avatar

mini golf? jk it sounds like a good idea for a date. good luck!

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@TrickyZZZZ, Everyone I know who meets people on myspace just brings them over to fuck. Meets them at the bar, same thing. I actually do want a relationship but it’s weird though to see a girl who isn’t down for that. I kind of see it as disinterested, but I guess not.

I suspect you have encountered someone with intelligence and self-esteem. Girls do not “owe” you sex because you took them out on a date. The conversation that happens is not, “I’m so grateful that you took me out and I had such a good time that I’m willing to pay for it with an STD or a possible unplanned pregnancy.”

Casual random sex is not in your best interests. When you have casual, random sex, you are in essence sleeping with everyone else that person has ever slept with. Guys pass on diseases to women without even knowing they’re a carrier, even if you wear a condom. Not all women are interested in having to think about you for the rest of their life after just one date.

TrickyZZZZ's avatar

@PandoraBoxx Good answer. Totally makes sense.

You never answered the second part though lol;

‘Also I work every day, so if I don’t go this Sunday it will be more like a 7-day rule lol

Should I just talk to her over text\phone for the next week and plan to meet her at the end of the week or rather just call tomorrow and ask her to go out Sudnay

I mean if a girl I hit it off with asked me to go out with her again in two days I’d gladly go if I could. IDK if it works both ways though

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Yes, call her and ask her out if you have something in mind that you would like to do. Because it’s short notice, you do run the risk that she has other plans, so go into asking her out for Sunday knowing that if she says she’s busy it doesn’t mean she’s not interested in you. It means she has an interesting life of her own, and made other plans.

Go ahead and call her and set up the date for the event that she suggested. Then say, I’m thinking about going ___ on Sunday, and wondered if you’d be available to go with me.”

I think were people end up in a trap is when they ask someone an open-ended question such as “What are you doing Sunday?” The respondee usually ends up saying “nothing,” in which case they’re trapped into doing something they don’t want to do, or hurting the other person’s feelings by saying they’re busy to get out of being trapped into doing something they don’t want to do. Then the person who is asking feels like they’re personally rejected. If you ask someone to do something specific right off the bat, then the acceptance/rejection is about the activity, and not about spending time with you.

Yes, I agree, if you hit it off with someone, you would want to see them again in two days, so ask away.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Whoa, buddy!

Can’t believe what you wrote….that everyone who means on “myspace” is about “the big butakadi”...I don’t think so. It makes me think that you called this woman, invited her to dinner, set up a feely and wheelie session and were disappointed that she restrained herself. That used to be something that was considered an asset. Guess what? Some women actually have a bit of dignity. (What a surprise!)

Yes, she is interested…she named the place to meet. But for goodness sakes, don’t go expecting the “big butakadi” on that date either. If all you want is a roll in the hay…pay somebody who does if for a living. With the way the economy is going, I’m sure some working girl needs the cash.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus, there is a segment of the younger dating scene where hopping in and out of bed with each other is like shaking hands. Actually, it’s not even the youngsters. Some of my single/widowed friends who have tried online dating sites have spent weeks talking to guys online, trying to decide if they were interested in them. When they finally meet for the first time for coffee, the guys immediately asks if they’re going back to his place for “the big butakadi”. When they say no, it’s not uncommon for the guy to walk out, sticking the woman with the bill for the coffee.

With two daughters, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s a segment out there where casual sex is expected. It’s expected by the guys, and for young women who spent too many afternoons watching Sex In the City reruns after school, it’s expected as a way to be asked out again. (There are those young women who just enjoy sex, and want to sleep with as many people as they can for the “variety.”) It’s purely a physical activity. Many don’t use condoms because they know the guy, or the guy doesn’t want to.

janbb's avatar

If anyone asked me for the “big butakadi” it would be a dealbreaker whether or not I had wanted to sleep with him before! Just sayin’

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@PandoraBoxx….<sigh> I know you are right. I didn’t mean to sound like a dinosaur.

Is that true?? That online dating produces that sort of “Slam-no-bam…goodbye, then mam”? That’s amazing. I did some online dating back in the late 90’s and it was not like that then.

I am probably over-protective of all young women…that’s just me being a mom. I really want girls to be respected….alas, if they don’t command respect….then, it becomes difficult. I didn’t raise my daughter like that and she really grew up amazingly adjusted and happy and has had a remarkable accomplished life. Thanks for the comment, it was very enlightening.

@janbb….good for you! LOL

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