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Jude's avatar

Why is it so easy for me to throw in the towel when I have a smidge of doubt that things will work out?

Asked by Jude (32112points) June 25th, 2010

With most things (relationships. In the past, school)

I’d rather give up and say ‘oh, well, time to move on’.

I hate that about myself and would love to change. But, how?

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13 Answers

dpworkin's avatar

Some researchers think this kind of behavior is based upon fear of failure. If you don’t attempt something, you cannot fail, and can imagine with part of your mind that if only you had done it, you would have been a success.

Obviously this is a cognitive issue, based on the way you “frame” the activity, and on your “schema” for success and failure. It will not surprise you to to learn that I believe cognitive-behavioral therapy is very well suited to deal with this sort of issue in highly-directed brief counseling.

Jude's avatar

“cognitive-behavioral therapy”

I’m going to look into that.

partyparty's avatar

As @dpworkin said it may be a fear of failure.
Try to concentrate on just one thing at a time. Tell yourself you are doing really well, and don’t move on before you have completed your task. Then reward yourself for your achievements. Good luck

JLeslie's avatar

There seems to be two types of people, people who when they are told they can’t do something are going to PROVE they can. And, others who when they are told they can’t do something seem to accept they can’t. It is not only about when someone actually tells you, but also the second type of person when they hit obstacles seem to be willing to give up, have more doubt, or less perserveance, not sure. I tend to be like you. I give up rather easily. I don’t exactly call it a fear of failure, to me it feels more like a fear of making a mistake, so I kind of get paralyzed.

Jude's avatar

@JLeslie For me, sometimes, it’s like a comfy bubble (comfortable doing nothing). Not looking for a ‘oh, poor her’, but, I’ve suffered a lot of loss and I’m afraid to put myself out there. Putting myself out there scares the shit out of me.

Part of me knows that I could do, yet, there is that bit of doubt and with that, things come to a halt.

I’m going to look into therapy. I’ve had this issue for a good part of my adult life.

Jude's avatar

Heh. When I look to the right at siblings. I see my name a few times. Time to work on the self-confidence.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

It’s also learning to take chances and excepting that sometimes it’s not going to work out. You tried, it didn’t work, no big deal. But if you try and it works great. I like to say to myself when looking at a challenge, a new place to eat, a new store: “You don’t know unless you try it”.

CMaz's avatar

Has throwing in the towel been advantageous to you?

If yes, then you are just insightful.

skfinkel's avatar

There are people who are ambitious, and they will succeed no matter what obstacles are put in their way—I just was listening to the radio and a man born with no legs travels all over the world. You might imagine another person with a similar disability just quietly living out his life. I don’t know if one can impose that sense of adventure and need to achieve on oneself, but it certainly would have something to do with not caring what others think of you. If a person cares too much about others’ thinking, their own lives can become compromised.

Coloma's avatar

Well..IMO it depends, and this triat can be either advantagious or detrimental.

For instance in relationship…throwing in the towel at the first little bump in the road might not be to your advantage.

On the other hand….reccognizing an unbreachable difference or incompatablity and capitalizing on past experience would be advatageous in saving oneself a repeat performance of dysfunction.

I think, as always this falls into an area of subjectivity dependent on the situtation that presents.

anartist's avatar

I have had this all my life and it has cost me dearly in every conceivable way. Do something about it.It shows a lack of confidence bordering on a lack of sense of self and can make you lose out on almost everything that matters in life.
Get therapy. Cognitive-behavioral as @dpworkin mentions above.

rooeytoo's avatar

Your feelings and comments are ones I have heard a million times in ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings. Just out of curiosity did your family of origin have alcohol or any other addiction sort of problems? If so, I would try ACOA or Alanon meetings as well as therapy.

HoneyBee's avatar

For me, I have to decide what’s worth working towards achieving and what’s not and try to weigh the pros and cons in a situation and decide if there are more pros than cons and go from there. I’ve found that a lot of times, I have to decide what’s really important in my life to make the choices that are right for me. In otherwords, this forces you to prioritize your life and helps you find out what makes you happy which is more times than not a good thing.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

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