Social Question

xshortiex's avatar

Did he really love me?

Asked by xshortiex (247points) June 26th, 2010

so i had a boyfriend called tom who was really sweet and i thought loved me. we were together for a month and i thought we were happy. i certainly was. i was worried seeing as he’d had past sexual relationships that he’s expect it from me, and i knew i wasnt ready so told him i wanted to wait, to which he replied not to worry and he wouldnt pressure me to do anything i didnt want to. about a week later, we go to a party. i was quite drunk, he wasnt, but nothing happened. we were just kissing and dancing and having fun with friends. I text him the following morning and he never replied. He didn’t speak to me for 5 days, ignoring me on msn and ignoring my phone calls. Then we were supposed to go to a meal with friends, which i was invited to because i was with him. I showed, he didnt, and didnt say a word to anyone. I was so annoyed when i got home that i went on msn and told him straight out that i wanted to knwo what was going on and that i didnt deserve to be treated like that. He replied saying “all this time ive been trying so hard not to hurt you. ive been trying to find the best way to do this but im sorry now youve pissed me off bye” and that was that. he blocked me and we obviously had broken up. So now im thinking he used me and broke up with me because i wouldnt have sex with him. he later told me he didnt have to explain himself to me, and then told my friend it was because we didnt feel right after the party. which has left me thinking it was because i was drunk and wasnt completely all over him. Is this true? is he a jerk?

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17 Answers

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Major jerk. You don’t owe him anything either. Move on!

Seaofclouds's avatar

You were together for a month, it wasn’t love. Yes, he acted like a jerk with the way he just stopped talking to you. You’re better off without him.

Shooter12's avatar

This dude is a major jerk. I hate to break it to you but he didn’t even like you, never mind love you. There are plenty of great guys out there that will respect your wishes.

stardust's avatar

He sounds like an absolute idiot. You’re better off without him. He does owe you an explanation, but he sounds a bit dodge, so I wouldn’t bother. You’ll meet someone who respects you soon.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

You won’t ever know the truth about this situation. I would advise you not to get drunk at parties because of health reasons, but also because of situations like isn’t attractive at all, really and not to someone that you are just starting a relationship with. That’s my first bit of advice.

The second bit of advice is this: It sounds to me that he was looking for a way to leave you and used the drunken behavior——to do it. He already was probably not wanting to be with you. If it was because of the sex (or not) doesn’t matter. He is a major player. And players want sex….and that’s it…they lose interest.

You take care of yourself, don’t get plastered at parties and you really can say, “No” to a man. You really can do that and still be loved….it just has to be the right guy. And honey, this handsome prince was a major TOAD.

Zaku's avatar

Sounds like a jerk. “Really love” is up to you to define. I’d suggest you decide for yourself that he didn’t, but who cares if he was a jerk? And if you care even knowing he’s a jerk, ask yourself why?
And, even when you remember how you thought you were behaving while drunk, you don’t know how you came across to others.

Merriment's avatar

I’m betting that he realized at the party that even with vast amounts of alcohol you weren’t going to put out and he stopped pretending that getting some wasn’t his major driving goal.

He didn’t love you…now aren’t you glad you didn’t sleep with him? I’m glad you didn’t sleep with him.

Ludy's avatar

If somebody loves you they would not treat you that way at all, but why do you care if he ever loved you, you did, that’s what counts, if things didn’t work out it wasn’t your fault, and oh @Merriment that is so clever “I’m glad you didn’t sleep with him. ” you’ve made me smile today.

xshortiex's avatar

@Merriment yes im very glad i didnt sleep with him :)

marinelife's avatar

He is being a bit jerkish with refusing to tell you why he has broken up with you.

What did you do and say at the party when you were drunk? Do you know? Was your behavior obnoxious?

If I were you, I would suspect that it was something I did tehn, because that is when his behavior changed.

You can’t change things that have already happened, but this is a wake-up call for you about getting drunk at parties. You have to live with the consequences of your own actions.

chyna's avatar

We would all like to have all our breakups in nice, neat little packages, with complete explanations so we can have closure and move on. That rarely happens. For whatever reasons, some people just stop talking and don’t feel the need to explain their feelings. It doesn’t help, but you are just going to have to accept you will never know, let it be and go on.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It sounds like he’s either really inexperienced and has had no guidance as to how to be polite about dating or he’s an inconsiderate social weakling. Be thankful you only invested a month.

perspicacious's avatar

No, he didn’t love you. How old are you?

xStarlightx's avatar

Its lust at most.
Love takes months and months and for some even years to develop.

Guys like him are jerks.
You’ll find someone else boo.

betterdays's avatar

Whenever I broke up with a guy or he broke up with me, I would try to use the situation as a learning experience. The older you get and the more guys that you date, you’ll learn just what qualities you are looking for in a guy. Just remember, you deserve the best, so don’t settle for someone that doesn’t treat you well.

Ludy's avatar

@xStarlightx speak for yourself, i fell in love with my fiance almost instantly and after almost 4 years together we’re still in love, and I never felt this way before, in this case i was the “jerk” that was pushing him to have sex. That guy might be a jerk but not all are. :)

xshortiex's avatar

@perspicacious im 17 :) so i kinda get the whole not knowing what love it thing :L

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