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crankywithakeyboard's avatar

Child neglect: What would be your reaction?

Asked by crankywithakeyboard (649points) June 26th, 2010

Let’s say your child visited your parents for several days and came back in a state of neglect (feces encrusted on his buttocks and huge sores there also). The child required ibuprofen to kill the pain. What would you say or do (after cleaning your child and treating the sores, of course)?

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14 Answers

Seaofclouds's avatar

I would talk to my parents and ask them what happened. For something like this to happen after the history I have with my parents, it would be really unusual, so I would be concerned that something was wrong with them or that something happened out of the ordinary during the visit. Once I knew and understood what happened and why it happened, I would make a decision based on that information as to whether they would ever watch my child alone again.

My mom watched my son a lot when I was in nursing school, so I know she is capable of doing so. If he came back in a state of neglect, it would mean that something was wrong with my mom (possibly something medical or emotional).

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chyna's avatar

How old are the parents? Does there seem to be something different, something not quite right about them? I am assuming that letting a child go to the grandparents for a few days means that the grandparents were deemed responsible enough to watch the child, so there seems to be something wrong. Possibly an emotional or medical issue, but it would have to be with both of them, so that seems odd.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Is your child able to go to the bathroom and bathe alone, or is he still in diapers?

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I could not improve on @Seaofclouds answer. That’s how I hope I would handle it. Of course my youngest child will be 20 later this year.

the100thmonkey's avatar

I’d be in a mood to kill them.

I wouldn’t, naturally, but barring any medical/psychological issues with my parents, it would take a lot for me to forgive them.

lilikoi's avatar

Hard to say without knowing the age of my hypothetical child.

crankywithakeyboard's avatar

The child is five and quite potty-trained. Thanks.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Have you gone to the source? Ask your son first, then talk to your parents about it. A five year-old can be convincing to someone on what they can and cannot do.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@crankywithakeyboard It sounds like it may be time to go over some of the basics of hygiene with the child again. Is the child also bathing on his/her own? If so, perhaps the grandparents didn’t realize they needed to follow up to make sure he/she was doing a good job.

netgrrl's avatar

Well, I wouldn’t let my child visit his grandparents again until I understood what went on.

I think any child that age could probably get a dirty bum, and grandparents may have forgotten a child that age needs supervision whole bathing.

But the sores concern me – especially after just a few days. Do you know what that’s about?

Buttonstc's avatar

I’m assuming that most adults would assume that a five year old child is capable of going to the bathroom without supervision (that’s Kindergarten age) and if the child said nothing to them about being in any pain, how would they automatically know?

I would question my child rather carefully as well as my parents before jumping to any conclusions.

Whatever I found out from those (non-accusatory) inquiries would determine my course of action.

I remember being a little surprised that long after he was completely toilet trained, my nephew routinely called my sister in to wipe his butt. He was not the most ambitious of children, to put it mildly. Being the firstborn son in an Italian family had accustomed him early in life to being rather coddled.

It was her developing painful bursitis in her shoulder from hauling him across the courtyard of their apt. complex to do the laundry which finally propelled her to insist that he walk (at 3 yrs. old finally) instead of being carried.

Likewise, a few months before his first day of Kindergarten, she put her foot down and told him that was now his responsibility to wipe his own butt since no one at school would be volunteering :) There is a limit, she figured, and that had been reached :)

skfinkel's avatar

Time for a talk with the child and of course the grandparents. People should only be in charge of children if they are competent—and if they aren’t, either suddenly or from your misjudgment of their skills in handling a child, they should not be the ones to be in charge. That does not mean they shouldn’t see the child, only that they cannot be the ones in charge of the child.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Hello @crankywithakeyboard Two days have passed. Will you give us an update?

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