Social Question

mostlyclueless's avatar

It's wrong to date someone you're not attracted to, right?

Asked by mostlyclueless (701points) June 26th, 2010

Even if that person tries really hard and you’re compatible in every other way?

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17 Answers

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

You can go out together as long as you make it clear you are not on a date and that you doubt you will be sexually interested in them.

Berserker's avatar

I don’t think it’s wrong per se. This stuff isn’t perfect, and it’s foolish to envision perfection without experiences, good or bad.

wundayatta's avatar

Oh. You can predict the future with perfect accuracy? What’s your secret? Want to go into business together?

My point, if it isn’t obvious, is that you really don’t know the future. The whole point of dating is to find out how compatible you might be. I really don’t understand how you know this already, unless you’ve already been dating.

plethora's avatar

For me, no chemistry, no dates. W/o chemistry, it’s gonna wind down anyway and there is no way that the other person can turn off expectations. I think it is unfair to string them along, even if you are trying not to.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Not wrong, just a waste of time on both sides(emotionally, I mean).

jazmina88's avatar

make it a platonic friendship with clear boundaries, not dating.

mostlyclueless's avatar

@wundayatta: We have been friends for a long time and have slept together. I am definitely not attracted to him.

plethora's avatar

@jazmina88 I’m thinking Good Luck on that…if one wants intimate and one wants platonic, there is no way not to disappoint the one who wants intimate

Your_Majesty's avatar

Personally,I don’t think it’s wrong. Some people in my country date rich people to sustain their life(I don’t care if they’re whores). They must do something when they really need it not because they don’t feel like it.

aprilsimnel's avatar

@mostlyclueless – Under the circumstances you relate, yes, it would be wrong.

ETpro's avatar

I wouldn’t hesitate to date someone I found interesting. If it’s fun to spend time together, that’s plenty good enough for me. Of course, I’d love to have that instant chemistry; but if it isn’t there to start, it might develop. Whether it’s right or wrong would depend on what you are looking to gain from a dating relationship.

gorillapaws's avatar

I’ve got to agree with @plethora on this one. If there’s no spark, just be direct about it and let the other person know. I think it’s much worse to lead someone on when you don’t have feelings than it is to date someone you’re not really attracted to, and give them mixed signals. Be nice, but be clear/direct.

LuckyGuy's avatar

It is not wrong if you are clear upfront, and are paying for half of all the expenses.
Don’t take advantage of the other person by agreeing to go out just because you want to eat at that restaurant or see that concert. Pay your fair share.

plethora's avatar

I just saw your comment that you have been friends for a long time and have slept together. You have had enough time to know for sure if you are attracted and you know you are not. How do you feel right now, just you and without regard to whether it is right or wrong, about spending time with him? I not, it is perfectly ok. Just get clear with him so it’s not always hanging.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Um, yeah. If the other person is “trying very hard” that means they want more than a platonic relationship. Don’t do this to anyone you have respect for.

wundayatta's avatar

@mostlyclueless If you’ve been friends for a long time and slept together, then in what way is it a date? Aren’t you just hanging out together, as friends? And if he thinks you can be more then friends, then how can you say you are friends? As far as I know, friends tell each other the whole story—i.e., that you are interested in him as a friend, but not in anything more.

mostlyclueless's avatar

@wundayatta: We hang out as friends frequently. He recently did something extremely thoughtful, which made me realize that (1) he probably wants to be dating me and (2) he would probably be a very good person to date. Except that (3) I’m not attracted to him.

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