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aclyn's avatar

Should you leave your family if they are constantly judging you?

Asked by aclyn (42points) June 27th, 2010

If my father raped my mother shortly after I was born, is this the reason I have been raped by so many people when I was little? Why are my rapists all successful and happy and my whole family is judgemental of me? My father when I asked him if it was true, told me I was delusional. My mother when I told her as a child called me a hussie, even though she voluntarily divorced my dad and cheated on him with another man. My whole life I’ve just been trying to see the good in them and suddenly I’m wondering if I should just quit talking to them, because lately they’ve been doing strange things, like saying they’ll come over and then not even calling, or lying. Should I leave my family? How do I explain it to my daughter if I do? How do I do this? Unlisted name and address? My mom is also friends with the girl who left me being raped, even though she knows that this girl left me, spit on me, and shoved me into the pavement. Please help me. I need advice. I thought I had forgiven all of these people, including my rapists, but right now I just feel like I just don’t understand.

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11 Answers

marinelife's avatar

Why are you still even talking to these people? Are they an influence you would want your daughter to have?

Move away. Do not tell anyone in your family or who knows your family where.

If you are really serious about no contact, you will have to change your name.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

My outlook on family is this, they’re not always the people who are worthy to be closest to you, hold your confidences or to turn to for safety and support. That’s sad because most people assume parents should automatically be able to transform into those roles.

We can say coulda would shoulda all we want but that won’t make them act the way we think they should so keep yourself safe. Build yourself a family from people who earn your trust, show you respect and offer comfort. Emotionally move your family to your outer circle and be careful with personal info being shared with them because they will misconstrue things and turn them on you.

You don’t need that aggravation of trying to defend yourself or prove yourself to people who are positive or trustworthy to begin with. It hurts to give up the want to have a “good” family to want their love but the rest of your life and the people you share it with need you to become healthiest for yourself.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I am sorry. If you feel they’re toxic to you and unable to give you closure or to validate your experiences, then by all means, you should leave.

aclyn's avatar

I don’t feel as though they are toxic by any means. I just don’t understand why they are so judgmental of me. They’re my family but they have always been judgmental of me.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Does their judgment add to your sense of well being?
Do they bring you comfort if you turn to them when you’re hurting?
Do they acknowledge and validate your accounts of past harm?
Would you want their opinions and what they believe to be true about you related to your best friends, new friends, co workers, dates, etc?

dpworkin's avatar

I think you should quit eating. Especially if your feet hurt. The Baby Jesus wants you to quit.

Trillian's avatar

“Why are my rapists all successful and happy and my whole family is judgemental of me?”
Yawn. Your first position is false. Where did you come by such a nonsensical notion? You sound like a good candidate for some intensive therapy. Remove yourself from negative influences, work on your own damaged psyche and be vague with the kid for a while. Just don’t return phone calls or initiate contact yourself.
After your question the fact that you say they aren’t toxic alerts me to the idea that you will not remove yourself, will continue to play the victim and ask us the same questions.

dpworkin's avatar

This is a troll who pretended to be starving for Christ in another thread.

Trillian's avatar

@dpworkin Really? I read the initial q, yawned, and moved on.

dpworkin's avatar

Yup, really. I believe the account is already gone. Just someone pulling our leg.

Trillian's avatar

Yeah, I looked it up. I don’t feel so bad for being less than sympathetic. I should go with my instincts more often…

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