Why do I think about suicide but won't do it?

It really bothers me. I’m not the happiest person in the world, but I know others have it way worse than me so I’m definently not the saddest. I think about suicide, what would happen, and how the world will just progress. I know logically though that suicide does not solve anything, hurts those I love, etc. and that is what keeps me from actually doing it. Simply because it dosen’t make sense, I know it dosen’t make sense, and that’s it. Now I have to trudge through life until I’m 80 years old and die naturally because suicide is just lame….

Even though I disregard the thoughts they are still there making me depressed sort of. I’ve always been very brash and I don’t let others know how I feel so no one really knows about this stuff and it’s not like my friends think I’m some creepy psycho

Now I know you’re going to say therapy but I don’t want to spend the money. Doctors really haven’t told me much more than I can find on the net for free. My shrink basically told me that I have to “Put the work in to make myself happy. There is no magic pill to do it for you.” After looking at Prozac vs Placebo studies and talking with the shrink I doubt anti-depressants will be much of a help. I’m not dumb enough to fall for the placebo effect, and it is that sort of thinking that will STOP antidepressants from working. Antidepressants work when you BELIEVE they work and I can’t trick myself into believing.

All I really need is my life to work out how I want it to and the depressive feelings will subside I guarentee it