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Your_Majesty's avatar

How many lies for you to mistrust someone?

Asked by Your_Majesty (8212points) July 5th, 2010

Lets divide this in to two category(if you don’t mind):
-Small lies(stealing small amount of $ from your wallet/purse,making fake excuses for appointment,spreading uncertain gossip,etc).

-Big lies(Cheating behind you,or anything you consider as big lies).

So,how many lies will you take from each category to mistrust the liar?(please make it countable if you can)
Will you make any exception for this liar?(if the liar is your family member,superior,friends,etc)

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30 Answers

SmashTheState's avatar

I don’t trust anyone, regardless of whether or not I’ve caught them in a lie… yet. The average person lies twice a day, so I just assume that anything which comes out of a person’s mouth is suspect.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

I don’t think it is necessarily possible to define a threshold at which you decide a person is unable to be trusted. These things should be taken on a case by case basis, since the ‘size’ of the lie cannot be the only factor. The severity of the outcome, the person’s intention in lying (since it can be done out of mercy), and external pressures all need to be taken into account. To say that you will only forgive x number of times is too rigid and does not allow for personal considerations.

zophu's avatar

If you trust or distrust people based on tallied up lies, you’re being foolish. People lie for reasons; some good, some bad, and some unimportant. Look a the core of a person to judge them for trustworthiness, and there are different kinds of trustworthiness.

tuxuday's avatar

For me it would depend on the circumstances. Ex. if a person lies that he had played football at district level, its okey. He is an attention monger. Whereas if someone lies about his mobike when i ask him to borrow it, then i wouldn’t trust him further. The person looses value in my book then.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

6–700 whoppers,then I’ll snap and kick their ass ;)

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille According to the data above, that would be about two years for most people. It may just turn into a you-against-the-world movie scene!

Cruiser's avatar

One of either is all it takes. I will though allow almost anyone a second chance. People make mistakes….it’s that simple and only 2 people I have met in my have managed to be that dumb to be written off completely. I unfortunately may add another today!

marinelife's avatar

The first lie and my trust is shattered.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@FireMadeFlesh -LOL! As long as they keep telling me my a$$ doesn’t look fat in my jeans,they get to live to see another day;)

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille What if, like me, they say they don’t like the question and dive behind the nearest pile of sandbags?

wilma's avatar

Only one. I will give a second chance, but that must be earned, with time and no more lies at all.

Marva's avatar

I don’t believe it is a mathematical question, trust is something you either feel, or not.
If anyone in your inviroment has caused you to mistrust them by lying, (I would say more than once), and you feel you cannot trust them, then that’s it. The same goes for exceptions: If you feel you can make an exception about a certain incident, then that’s it.

Marva's avatar

Hqaving read other posts, I do agree that the severity of the lie, not necessarily by outcome but maybe by intention, influence and subject, is somthing to consider, and also the reason.
But trust still is something you either feel, or not…

tinyfaery's avatar

I don’t know why lying is such a big deal. Everyone lies. We lie to protect ourselves, to protect others, to spare feelings or to get help when needed.

The only time I become upset with lies is when they have a seriously detrimental effect on me or when someone constantly lies straight to my face.

Whether or not I trust someone has very little to do with whether or not that person tells lies. People have to gain my trust; I do not give it freely.

DominicX's avatar

I agree completely with @zophu and @tinyfaery. Lies have different purposes and different effects (and not all are bad and life-shatting). The issue of lying is not black and white—few things are. The only difference is that I tend to trust people by default until they do something that shows me I shouldn’t trust them. After one of my closest friends tried to drug me, I don’t trust him anymore. He’s still my friend and he’s since apologized for that, but I question his motives for things all the time and that’s his fault.

tranquilsea's avatar

It depends on who is doing the lying. My kids get a good pass, although I spend a LOT of time explaining to them the consequences of lying.

It also depends on the rational behind the lying because people lie for a reason and sometimes that reason is logical.

I agree with @tinyfaery : people lie all the time. “Do I look fat in these pants?” “Um, no dear you look great!”.

But I can’t stand serial liars and they are not in my life. I do wonder, though, whether this is because I don’t require people to explain themselves to me. I understand that people have lives and sometimes they have messy lives. My MIL OTOH requires everyone around her fill her in on every part of their lives. If you forget something then you are being duplicitous. This attitude has caused all her children to lie to her on a regular basis. And I know these guys are all truthful in every other part of their lives.

boffin's avatar

Reminds me of “What is IS”

Seaofclouds's avatar

It depends on the person and the lie. Stealing money from me is a one time offense. I won’t trust that person around my wallet without them regaining my trust. If the lie was for malicious reasons, then it’s a one shot thing. If it was with good intent (like lying about getting a gift so I would be surprised), then I would let it go.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Trust isn’t an all or nothing proposition. There are any number of different areas where you can trust some people, while still having areas where you cannot trust them. You can trust some people to varying degrees in different areas. It’s a very rare situation where you can trust someone completely in every area of your relationship with them. One of these areas is to what degree can you trust someone to always tell you the truth.

I trust my wife to always tell lme the truth, even if it’s a very unpleasant truth. I trust my ( grown ) children to tell me the truth most of the time about most subjects areas. I trust most of my friends to tell me the truth about inconsequential things most of the time, but not about quite a number of their serious, personal things.

You see where this is going? It’s rather like Abe Lincoln’s dictum: “You can trust some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t trust all of the people all of the time… about everything.” : D

Jeruba's avatar

Everyone does not lie. That is a fiction invented by people who would like to think that universality justifies their own behavior.

lifeflame's avatar

As soon as you lie to me about something, that gives me knowledge into your personality. Even if it is a white lie.

But I question this “trust being shattered” thing.
I think if I didn’t know you that well, then basically I wouldn’t automatically trust you (with my wallet/my house/my whatever). So for it to be shattered it actually has to be built up. So if you managed to build up in my mind an image of someone who was really honest, then one small one would break it. Whereas if you were a habitual liar, I just wouldn’t trust you, period.

Like @Jeruba I was quite taken aback by the twice a day statistic. No way it can be true! But then I read the study @SmashTheState provided and it was a fascinating read. It made me think.

YARNLADY's avatar

@Jeruba I agree. I am one of the exceptions I used to be like the people in the study referenced above, but I made a conscious decision to stop.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I have a job, I socialize with others so I lie everyday and I assume anyone who talks to me lies to me to some degree also. The lies that I pay attention to are the ones directed at me by the people closest to me that may be told to protect them rather than protect me and I’m horrible about forgiveness, I just don’t see a reason for much of it when a person could choose ahead of time not to do something they’ll end up wanting to hide from me.

My ex bf lied about being legally divorced when we first met but he didn’t lie about how long he’d been separated or that they were uninvolved. That I could and did forgive.

My ex bf lied about where he was after work many times instead of telling me he was at casinos gambling and losing money, putting us into debt. That took only one time to not forgive.

zenele's avatar

@tinyfaery Is that a white lie? ;-)

Disc2021's avatar

Entirely depends on the circumstances.

Inspired_2write's avatar

one.
After that, all doubt is aroused in anything the person says after appears.

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