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sprstar's avatar

This is a multi-part question. 1) What steps have you taken to find out what makes you happy in life 2) What are the specific things that make you most happy 3) And, how successful have you been at making the things that make you happy a part of your life?

Asked by sprstar (114points) March 19th, 2008

This has always been a tricky one for me and it seems I keep letting what makes me happy elude me, or haven’t been successful at making time for those things that make me happy. Love to hear your thoughts. :)

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5 Answers

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hearkat's avatar

To find out what makes me happy, I had to strip myself of all pretenses. I had to let go of all guilt, anger, shame, pain, blame, resentment, and especially fear. I had to get to the deepest part of myself and find out what my core values are in life. Then I had to start living by those values.

I had to acknowledge that the only thing that I can control are my actions. I can not control anyone or anything else. I can not control my thoughts or feelings, but I do control how I choose to act based on them. I had to dig through tons of garbage I had learned from a highly dysfunctional childhood and the poor choices I made earlier in adulthood based on those things, and re-parent myself.

I had to learn to stop hating myself, and holding myself to the expectations of family, friends, or society. I had learn to forgive, accept, then appreciate, and finally love myself. I had to learn how to be true to myself and pursue what is important to me. In doing so, I found a vocation that suits my personality very well, and I am good at it and still love doing it after 16 years.

As for my personal life, I sleep so much better at night not worrying about all the stuff I have no control and minimal influence over. The relationship I have with my teenaged son is so much closer because I am teaching by example, rather than telling him to do one thing and then defying my own advice.

I have yet to find success in a romantic relationship, but that is because most people in our culture are caught-up in the head games of pleasing others and looking to superficial means for fulfillment. Happiness truly does not come from anyone or anything outside of you. It can only be found within.

“This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.” Shakespeare Hamlet

deedeekm's avatar

For me this is a non-question. Happiness is an attitude and if it is dependent on your circumstances being ideal according to what you want then happiness will never be around for any length of time because life circumstances change on a whim. You can’t always control your circumstances – you have to work from within. Even then there are going to be unhappy times.
You can make choices about how you feel about whatever is happening in your life – according to whatever your belief system might be. The only thing etched in stone so to speak is that things WILL change.

maryleedy's avatar

I would have to do what @hearkat did and actually I’m in the process of doing that. It’s as though I’m peeling off the layers of an onion to find out what’s underneath. I prefer a marshmallow, lol, because I toast them over a campfire and pull off the toasted part one layer at a time.

Anyway, just being at the beach on a warm sunny day brings me happiness. It does something to me on a subconscious level first, then I feel it ona conscious level where I notice I’m calmer and more relaxed and more connected with the Nature and people. By the time I get home I’m either ready for a nap or ready to go out dancing depending on how long I was at the beach (or sunburned, lol).

I read a book called “Zero Limits” by Joe Vitale and it made an impact on my life. My perception of life has changed. I challenge my beliefs on a daily basis with everyone I come across and when something irks me. I’m replacing a lot of the old programming of my childhood with new and positive programming that is enhancing my life for the better.

Then there’s the shower, lol. That’s something that causes creative ideas to flow and a sense of peacefulness of being by myself (I’m a mom of 3 kids) with no interruptions to think and speak freely out loud and sort out what I want in my life. A long hot bath used to do the same thing but I always fell asleep. So….I don’t do that anymore. LOL

Reading is another thing that makes me happy as I escape to another world created by my imagination from the words in the book. I’m so “not here” that when I look up from the book I’m disoriented. I agree that happiness comes from within, but it always helps to have a trigger point to remind me that I am happy inside.

solace14's avatar

Happiness is peace of mind that cannot be equaled or exceeded by material wealth.

I am happy seeing the people I love happy. And I continuously pray for my loved ones who are still searching for their own happiness.

In life, I keep a general rule: When your expectations don’t happen, it often leads to undesirable emotions – anger, sorrow, depression. Learn to accept rejection. But don’t loose who you are and keep doing your best for when a door closes, another opens. That to me is happiness.

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