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SuperMouse's avatar

How often do you hold back on a question for fear of offending?

Asked by SuperMouse (30801points) July 6th, 2010

This morning when I noticed in the community feed that Zenele has hit 5,000 lurve, I really wanted to ask the Collective’s opinion on starting a betting pool on how long it will be before he closes his account and begins anew with some other zen related moniker. I even got so far as to type the question! Then I decided it might be offensive to some (well offensive to zenele) and stood at least a decent chance of being modded. So, do you ever censor yourself in order to avoid offending someone or being censored?

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40 Answers

chyna's avatar

I do censor myself for fear of asking a boring question that no one will answer. I have also thought of some questions that could be moderated, so I don’t ask. And I think Zenele will change this week, by Thursday, 5:00 p.m. at the latest. Not that you asked.~

SuperMouse's avatar

@chyna, I love you lady! Are you sure we aren’t sisters?

marinelife's avatar

Sometimes. Sometimes I just can’t hold back.

Cruiser's avatar

There is such a variety of Jellies here I would say you are going to ruffles someones feathers whether you want to like it or not. Ask away and I get the feeling Zenele wants to see the inside of the mansion.

chyna's avatar

@SuperMouse Separated at birth.

jaytkay's avatar

I only ask General questions (like food/computer tips), no Social or Meta, so I’ve never had to self-censor.

Answering questions, however, I can sometimes be rude and make things too personal. I’m getting better I think. I do self-censor that way. Keeping things civil and light makes Fluther a lot more useful and enjoyable.

For example:

Why would you waste your time worrying about Zenele’s lurve? It’s not like there is money involved. Are you a stalker?

I might send a private comment to Zenele asking if the question would be bothersome. Or maybe preface the question with something like, “I hope this isn’t offensive, it’s just meant in fun…”

janbb's avatar

I think I have it on good authority that “zenele” is here to stay come hell, high water or even reaching 10K!

To answer your question, there are definitely times when I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Occasionally, the angel wins.

SuperMouse's avatar

@jaytkay lol4rl! Your wrong example cracked me up. I do want to make sure you know of Zenele’s aversion to lurve accumulation and his ongoing habit of closing accounts when the number gets past a certain point. That whole concepts cracks me right up and the thought of starting a pool about when he would make the change just tickled me. Stalking zenele, while it would certainly be a fun way to occupy one’s free time, might be somewhat of a challenge since he changes his name so regularly!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Seems to me you already asked what you wanted to ask. Sly.

jaytkay's avatar

@SuperMouse I do want to make sure you know of Zenele’s aversion to lurve accumulation and his ongoing habit of closing accounts when the number gets past a certain point

Ahhh, I did not know that.

Lightlyseared's avatar

I don’t hold back answering a question if I feel I might add something to the debate (or can be funny) but I won’t post a reply just to be offensive. Having said that I’am well aware that might sense of humour is… erm… somewhat unique.

@SuperMouse I bet @zenele will change his name before he gets a 10k party.

CMaz's avatar

I first have to evaluate how much personal rhetoric is going to come from it. Seeing if it is worth the effort, we do have a few “bullies”.

I believe some hope for that. Keeping a lid on their own beliefs and agenda.

SuperMouse's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I was trying to be clever, I admit it.

anartist's avatar

RE Zenele — after so many times running around the lurve boat deck he promised to stop and stay with zenele until he died [or was it until “zenele” died]? Besides, after ducking lurve for so many times, it probably has become meaningless for him.

Never have a problem with the questions. With an answer I have to struggle with writing it amusingly or sensitively —- i probably walk the line.

janbb's avatar

@tinyfaery If you have been holding back, I’d be shit-scared!

tinyfaery's avatar

It’s impossible to really live without offending someone. Well, that’s my theory.

janbb's avatar

I think several of us here would agree with you!

philosopher's avatar

I belong to several other cites.
I post many questions on them that I do not here.
I feel that the moderators here do not like anything out of the box.
There are bright people on fluther. There are also some people that take offense over nonsense.
I usually answer questions worthy of my time.
I also rarely waste my time arguing with people who need to fight to make up for their insecurities.
I concentrate on positive things.

augustlan's avatar

I have to admit, I’ve asked (and answered) a question or two under an alias. That’s about all the self-censoring I do.

FYI, we probably would have removed the question because we generally don’t allow questions about specific members. 10K parties and the like are the exceptions.

YARNLADY's avatar

I don’t ask that many questions, but I doubt I would hold back.

Kayak8's avatar

I am still struggling with Zenele being a “he.” Despite the Picard photo (or other changing avatars), somehow I decided in my head that Zenele was a “she.” Goes to show you . . . .

Seaofclouds's avatar

I haven’t censored myself yet, but it may happen someday. If I do, it would be more to avoid being modded than offending anyone.

Zen already said in another threat that he wasn’t going to change again.

Blondesjon's avatar


jerv's avatar

I would have to say “never”.

I may spend a little time trying to phrase some things delicately, but even that is uncommon since I am not the sort of guy who says “Darn!” when I mean “Shitfuckcuntcocksuckingwhore!!!”. Basically, I say what I want and if anyone has a problem with it then they can take it up with either me or the mods.

That said, the type of question you were considering is not one that would cross my mind; I generally couldn’t care less about that sort of thing.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

If anything, I may fail to hold back a question when better sense may dictate that I should. I am not naive, just outspoken and honest, sometimes painfully so.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I dump about 90% of the questions I might ask. They either seem self-serving or are too narrow to be of general interest. My questions come across so badly that I have to consider Fluther to be a site where I answer questions only.

Kayak8's avatar

Out of fear, I do censor myself. I think there are many questions asked on Fluther that are easily answered with a simple Google search, but we are not allowed to recommend one. I have started doing the searches myself and giving the link to the answer.

whatthefluther's avatar

Sometimes. On a couple of occasions I ran possible questions by @augustlan because I wasn’t certain they were appropriate for fluther or was uncomfortable that some jellies might take a question the wrong way. She gave me a thumb’s up on the proposal question but confirmed my trepidation on that shaky question. Then there the time I did not check with her, knew it would be modded, but threw caution to the wind and proceeded. It just so happened to be a question recognizing a jelly I very much like and respect who had amassed something like 18K lurve way back when, but one had to do some math as this particular jelly kept changing his darn account/username. It was indeed removed quickly.
@Zenele (or whatever your name is today)....I don’t know if you even saw it (I did note in the details that I knew you would not approve), but if you did, I apologize (hell, I may have already apologized directly…..I just don’t recall…’s hell, getting old).
@SuperMouse….I think I could use a lesson on how to be clever!
See ya…....Gary/wtf

chyna's avatar

@whatthefluther You rock. You know how I feel.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

Sometimes, I try and guess what some of the answers might look like and I decide on asking. If it’s a question that pertains to a situation between a close personal relationship, I might not ask it. But in the way of holding back a question for fear of offense, I’ll try and word it so it offends the least amount of people possible.

zenele's avatar

9,999 or bust.

I was mildly amused when @chyna linked me to this question. I thought of flagging it – as it has my “name” in the actual question and then most of the subequent posts are all “about me” – and I’m not Astrochuck – I don’t like the fluther-limelight ~

But you’ve all been so sweet – I shall begin accepting bets in lurve increments of 5:

1. Change at 9,999

2. Change at 99,999

3. Stay zenele forever

(What is that anyway – forever?! – I always recall how my last two communities closed down – so I’m always wary about “forever” – though I don’t think Andrew would ever do that to us – no matter how much it costs to keep it going – right Andrew? Ben?)

DominicX's avatar

Not often. As Cartman pretending to be a teenage whore would say: I do what I want!

I edit my questions quite a bit and try to make them as non-inflammatory as possible, but I don’t think I’ve ever not asked a question because I thought it would be offensive.

Berserker's avatar

As far as @zenele goes, I would have a bet more along the lines of is he gonna say something about Jeruba? XD

I don’t think I hold back much, but I might try to phrase things better or be more polite, while making sure my message doesn’t change. I know it probbaly doesn’t seem that way since I constantly cuss on here like a pirate, but I do what I can to be at least moderately presentable..

zenele's avatar

Did someone say Jeruba?

I just met a girl named Jeruba

*sigh *

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Symbeline Your “pirate cussing” is charming! :^D

wilma's avatar

I censor myself all the time here. I really don’t want to offend anyone.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I don’t really hold back if I have a question but if I think that it could be offensive to anyone then I put a disclaimer in to say that offending is really not my intention and I am asking the question in order to be educated and not start a row.

zenele's avatar

Fuck off, all of you.

Okay – I was just fucking around – lurve ya guys. Didn’t want to really offend anyone.

rooeytoo's avatar

I don’t so much hold back because of fear of offending anyone, I think I am usually more circumspect and mannerly than that. But I will hold back because there are a couple of men in here who are expert on everything and if you dare to have an opinion which does not concur with their own, you are opening yourself up to argument, attack and ridicule. I gave up debating when I graduated from high school. I think everyone is entitled to their own beliefs even if they are different than mine.

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