Social Question

zenele's avatar

My children: I couldn't imagine life without them. You?

Asked by zenele (8242points) July 8th, 2010

Really – nothing against singles – bless ‘em – but I’m in my, ahem, mid-life period – and despite the occasional cause for alarm, headache and even heartache – I don’t know what I’d do without the little angels, bless them.

I tell my son and daughter to remember this, if only one thing: from the moment I wake up til the minute I fall asleep – I am thinking of how to better your lives.

My son, younger at the time, said: but what about you, dad?

He was right – I should indeed spend more time on myself, and for myself, to better my own life; thus feeling better and enriching theirs, too. Win – win. I’m going to begin dating again (divorced 12 years, single white dad ;-) ~

What’s your relationship like with the kids? Something of note, please. Or just talk – hey – it’s Social.

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25 Answers

PandoraBoxx's avatar

My children are 23 and 21, and are living on their own. I did a pretty decent job of raising them, and they’re pretty self-sufficient. I still pay cell phone and car insurance, but we have a phase-out plan in place for that. I have a hard time thinking of myself first, and worry about that, sometimes.

Cruiser's avatar

I am very close and intimate in my 2 sons lives. We are very musical and jam together almost every day. We boat, play sports, work around the house and they are at their young age have mastered most every construction skill. I am an adult leader in their Boy Scout troop so I get to go camping with them at least once a month. I help them with their school work…or used to with my now 14 yr old whose advance classes has blasted by my abilities to really be of any help now.

I do my best to keep them pointed in the right direction but as much as it hurts sometimes I let them fall or fail or struggle so they understand for themselves the power and limitations of their own abilities. I love my kids to death!!

tinyfaery's avatar

I can imagine life without your children. ;)

zenele's avatar

@^ Take a number – bob has been bugging me for years and my daughter is finally of legal age. Just the 7–10 hour time dif. 5000 miles. Ocean. Other than that – you can have ‘em.

dpworkin's avatar

Oh, they’re all right. I can take ‘em or leave ‘em.

ubersiren's avatar

I’m not the same person that I was before my little ones. I’m so grateful to be given the chance to see the world a different way and to have the joy they give me. I love to see their tiny faces in the morning and at night, smiling or screaming. They are already so much fun, and I’ve only had them a short time. My 3 year old is a little pill right now, but even so, he’s often affectionate and always doing something that is highly amusing to witness.

But I’ll be damned if I want more. I’ll definitely be one of those parents who turns her kid’s bedroom into an office as soon as he leaves for college :) I’m deeply craving some alone time, but perhaps that’s just because I have absolutely none right now, lol…

@dpworkin hahaha…

MissAusten's avatar

@ubersiren You took the words right out of my mouth! Sometimes I stay up way too late at night, doing nothing, just because it’s usually the only time I get some peace and quiet. Wait until your little ones start school. This fall, my youngest goes to kindergarten and I’ll have five half-days a week with all three kids at school. I’ll be sad to see him get on the bus, but I’ll also really enjoy being able to run errands alone, clean up the house without any distractions, and maybe just sit on my hiney and read for a bit!

I adore them, but they are the hardest job I’ve ever had. Wouldn’t trade it for anything, even when they make me want to pull my hair out.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I don’t have children.

But I do feel that way about my stepsons. Of course it isn’t the same as the connection you feel with a biological child (or so I assume), but the entire stepchild/step-parent dynamic is a unique one. It’s a strong bond for many of us, and I truly can not imagine my life without them anymore.

stardust's avatar

I don’t have children yet. I’m really looking forward to that stage of my life.
@zenele you sound like a wonderful Dad. Your children are lucky. I don’t have a relationship with my Dad and I think it’s truly beautiful to see father’s being loving and affectionate towards their kids. It warms my heart up :) while reminding me of what I long for, so it can be painful

bob_'s avatar

:D Oh, I can’t imagine.. * reads comments posted before *, um, nevermind.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I can imagine a life without my children but it wouldn’t be as rich.

zenele's avatar

@stardust Thanks. Smiles.
@dpworkin Oh I know otherwise. You’re crazy about them. Your pictures show they are crazy about you, too. You’re a great dad. Grumpy jelly, but a great dad.

Scooby's avatar

I’ve had to get use to being without him since his mother took him away, many years ago, I last saw him when he was four years old, he would now be coming up to twenty six! :-/ all I do is imagine……..

Scooby's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir

No need but thanks,,, Been a long time, ya get use to it :-/ it’s a case of having to…….

YARNLADY's avatar

I always have loved children, mine and everyone else’s.

zenele's avatar

@Scooby Oy. 22 years. My god.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Zen…It’s quite amazing actually to finally be alone. You go through phases…..the pain of an empty house, the extreme quiet, the heaviness that you feel in your heart. You are left with this sense of: “Where on earth did the time go? Weren’t we just celebrating their second birthday…wasn’t that just…last year? No, wait that was almost two decades ago…”

In one way, I felt like I had been made redundant from my job. That I had been given a pink slip. Even though I knew that the job was ending…well, actually it wasn’t ending it was simply being pared down to only a few hours a week (on the phone mostly), I found myself really wondering what to do. I allowed myself time to grieve a bit, but then I just felt “set free”. It was a heady freedom. I remembered that the only other time I had felt that way was when I had taken her to her first day of kindergarten. I dropped her off and thought, “Oh, my stars! I have six hours to do what I want!” Not that I ever did, I just went home, made some coffee and stared out the window and cried for a few hours because I couldn’t believe that she was in kindergarten. And then, all was okay. She went to school, we adjusted to another big change and there we were, mother/daughter, still two peas in a pod. And so it went, when she went across the world to university and then again when she decided to set sail for parts unknown (many times). We kept adjusting, changing, but always a small piece of my heart went with her, she still has that. That doesn’t ever get given back.

So, for me it is an exciting time. I have a new friend in my once child. We talk for hours on the phone. (She is half a world away and starting her own new life.) I want to go back and get that Phd. I want to travel some more. I want to write. I am blogging (learning more about that.) I have a lot of plans that I postponed that I am finally doing. I am more fearless now.

I think it is great that you want to date again. How is that making you feel? I think it’s probably the most exciting time in a person’s life…..that mid-life cycle….since leaving high school for university and/or young adulthood.

Hope you know….you are not alone. Woo-hoo for Zen spending time on himself!!! Yippee!!!

(Lurve you. lol)

Seaofclouds's avatar

I can’t imagine my life without my son. Right now we are spending most of our time playing outside and practicing soccer. It’s so much fun getting to go outside and just have fun. I can only imagine what the future will hold.

zenele's avatar

^ Lovely. Magnificently written, and I completely identify. My daughter just just moved out. My son is still home – but only for another year or so.

@DarlingRhadamanthus Link me to your blog – I’m a fan.

knitfroggy's avatar

My children are the most important thing in my life. They are the reason I wake up every morning.

After I had my daughter, I had a terrible time. I had a bad infection and spent a long time in the hospital. I said I didn’t want any more kids for fear I would have the same problem a second time around. Two years later I was pregnant again due to a momentary lack in judgment one night I was frightened but excited. My son has been a challenge since the day he was born. He was born with hernias in his nether regions and had two surgeries before six months of age, he had RSV and spent a week in the hospital at 5 months, he has been in the hospital more times than I can count for various things. He also has ADHD, mood disorder and just recently spent a week in a mental facility trying to level his meds etc. That boy has been a challenge. Just him being his sweet wonderful self makes it all worth it. I’m so glad for that momentary lack in judgment one night, because I have two beautiful, smart, wonderful kids.

tranquilsea's avatar

My kids are my life right now. But I can just see the time when, one by one, they’ll leave for their own lives and it makes me sad.

It has been wonderful getting to know who each of them are and to watch them grow and mature. They are all wonderful kids. So different from one another but so the same.

They all showed me that there were better ways to parent than how I was bought up. Although I know I’ve made a pile of mistakes too. They have taught me a lot about myself that I don’t think I could have learned had I not had children.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I love my kids. They are all grown and on their own. My eldest (my daughter) is married with children and keeps in touch with me often. My sons are still so busy with their lives, they don’t keep in touch as often. I understand that. I know how they feel about me and they know I love them.

timlaz's avatar

Evie is 14 years old, I love her to bits we are inseperable. But as the years progress I see a new Evie emerging like a beautiful butterfly from the chrysalis. She is enigmatic, straight forward and honest. She cares about her friends and would defend them to the last. And you know why? Because these are the values that I have taught her. Theses are the values that every parent should teach kids. In our world there is Evie and Dad NOT Evie with Dad.

She is her own unique person, a combination of a wonderful mix of DNA half from me half from Carole-Ann her Mum. She isn’t mine, she isn’t owned by anyone, she is, well she. And she will do as she wills come hell our high water.

And me, I say fucking go girl, tear the world apart and build a new one if necessary!

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