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LostInParadise's avatar

Know any good (bad) puns?

Asked by LostInParadise (24922points) July 8th, 2010

Puns have been described as the lowest form of humor, maybe because they are language specific. I don’t care what anybody says. I have a weakness for them and word play in general. I just came across a recreational math book with a beaut of a title, Here’s Looking at Euclid. Do you have any favorite puns to share?

In case you did not care for the book title, I present to you the amazing triple pun. A cattle rancher leaves his property to his sons. Since the enterprise was never given a name, they decide that coming up with a name should be the first order of business. They choose to name the ranch Focus, because that is where the sun’s rays meet.

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14 Answers

Lightlyseared's avatar

Colonoscopy. The final word in introspection.

ragingloli's avatar

Man who survive pepper spray and mustard gas.
Is seasoned Veteran.

Porsche did nine eleven.

syz's avatar

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

syz's avatar

And the ultimate:

There was a man named Ghandi who strove to make the world a better place. He eschewed shoes and so had tough feet, ate very little, and as a result of his poor diet, had ill health and dental disease.

He was a super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis

(If you don’t get it, hum a certain tune from “Mary Poppins”)

CMaz's avatar

Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.

A baby seal walks into a bar. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender. “Anything but a Canadian Club,” replies the seal.

ragingloli's avatar

Never invest in funerals. It is a dying industry.
Club sandwiches. Not seals.
Alcohol and calculus do not mix. Do not drink and derive.
I want to be a Ninja. But I am not Shur I Ken.
If you skip school to go Bungee Jumping, You will be suspended.
I have a photographic memory. But it has not fully developed yet.
Bakers trade bread recipes. On a knead to know basis.
The nurses tried to administer an IV. But it was all in vein.
I used to be a banker. But I lost interest.
Who would not want to park his ‘gondola’ in Natalie’s Port, man?
Want to spend a night in Meagan’s Foxhole?

ragingloli's avatar

Man in corner with and in pants. Not feeling mad. Feeling nuts.
Man who read woman like a book. Prefers Braille.
Man with penis in peanut butter. Is fucking Nuts.
Good for boy to meet girl in park. Better for boy to park meat in girl.
Man who drop watch in toilet. Bound to have shitty time.
Many nails to build a crib. One screw to fill it.
Man who run behind car. Will get exhausted.
Man who run in front of car. Will get tired.
Pig that is not amusing. Is Boar.
Girl who sit on judge’s lap. Gets honourable discharge.
Man stabbed in eye with cruzifix. Ends up cross eyed.
Man who jumps off cliff. Jumps to conclusion.
Man’s wife his better half. Man’s mistress his better whole.

unused_bagels's avatar

My wife asked what was the combo on my tool chest, and I said, “Why was six afraid of seven?”
get it? GET IT?

LostInParadise's avatar

@unused_bagels , I must be dense, not getting it.
Everyone else: Those are great, keep them coming.

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we have a strict policy of not serving pieces of string.”
The string walks out, ties itself in a knot and messes up one end, and returns to the bar. The bartender says, “You look familiar. Aren’t you that piece of string that just came in here?”
“No, frayed knot.”

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

Lets print these comments into a book & have people read it as a punishment.

unused_bagels's avatar

@LostInParadise because SEVEN ATE NINE! (which is my combination)

LostInParadise's avatar

I like the punch line, but you may want to work on what leads to it. I don’t see how this relates to the combo for the tool box.

unused_bagels's avatar

789 is my combo.

why is six afraid of seven?
because seven ate nine!

thought it was pretty straightforward ^_^;

LostInParadise's avatar

Okay, I see it now. The only change I would make is instead of saying that the hint was, why is 6 afraid of 7, I would say that the combo answers the question why 6 is afraid of 7. But it is a good one, and I gave you a GA for it. Pardon my density.

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