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Your_Majesty's avatar

What is your reason when you use outer perspective to answer a question?

Asked by Your_Majesty (8215points) July 9th, 2010

Outer perspective the in the context of answering a question out of what the OP really ask for.

Example: When someone ask “How could I make my friend’s boyfriend to love me?”
Most of the answers would be: “He’s not your boyfriend,find someone else!” or “Why would you want to betray your friend and steal her bf?”

Of course there would be no accurate answer according to what the OP ask for. Plus,many people will take it personally and judge this user based on this question.

I’m not against this way as that’s the freedom of each poster to do so but I’m curious why some people prefer to stand out of the line(outer perspective) rather than give what the OP ask for? Why won’t avoid to answer the question if you have nothing valuable for the OP?

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21 Answers

aprilsimnel's avatar

Because we take it personally and imagine ourselves in the friend’s place. The idea of someone we love being seduced away by a friend is a painful thought.

rebbel's avatar

Me thinks it falls in the same category as “Can you give me a detailed, well worked out plan to rob the National Bank?”.

BoBo1946's avatar

my commonsense (or lack of sense according to some..loll) and my many years of being here!

Facade's avatar

I try not to do that because I hate it when it’s done to me.

gemiwing's avatar

Usually because I have a brain like swiss cheese. Or, I feel I might be able to bring up a point the OP hasn’t noticed/isn’t facing.

Your_Majesty's avatar

@rebbel You think it’s silly then?

@gemiwing That could be a good reason but what if the OPs have made their mind about their question? Will you respect their seriousness despite you personally think it’s wrong?

gemiwing's avatar

@Doctor_D I guess it depends on how old the person seems to be, how open to thoughts they appear and if I know them. If the OP says ‘I don’t care if you don’t like X so don’t even bother’ then obviously there wouldn’t be much point to me going off-topic a little bit. Not saying I’ve never done it, I surely have. It’s more that I try not to since I don’t think it’d serve any purpose but to make myself feel somehow superior.

Spider's avatar

Considering I’m about to do it now, I must begin with saying that I try not to. When I do, it’s usually because either (a) an assumption was inherent in the question, or (b) I want to respond to other responses.

When condition (a) exists, I ask whether my response would/could be helpful in anyway. If not, I don’t answer. I wonder how many people actualy refrain, as opposed to responding just for the sake of responding. For example, a Q could be “what do you think about X”... and I’ve seen answers like “I don’t think about X because I think it’s a waste of my time.” One could interpret that as being unhelpful; but at the same time, perhaps the responder felt that it was important to point out that it’s possible that X isn’t really that important.

When condition (b) exists, I try to at least include some direct answer to the question, but it can turn into a discussion around the subject. I generally think that’s fine as long as the OP’s question was answered.

rebbel's avatar

@Doctor_D
No, not silly, it’s more that most people think about what would the consequences be for the person who is going to end being the crying party.
And if i had a detailed plan for bank robbery i would gladly send you it, but i haven’t…

CMaz's avatar

“why some people prefer to stand out of the line”
That is an assumption, probably based on some form of insecurity.

Not to say that some do just that. But, mostly they read it as THEY see it. Not necessarily as you have intended it to be interpreted.

A non-issue taken personal, that in the end, the answer you are looking for will show itself.

Austinlad's avatar

I usually try to frame my answers within the context of personal experience rather than opinion or advice.

SeventhSense's avatar

People generally respond more to people than questions in my experience. Especially when it’s something they do not want to consider. The most common way to dismiss/avoid something is to invalidate the source, invalidate the information and therefore invalidate the question. This is why we have lawyers and why personalities often hold sway over principles.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Most of the time, I read a question looking for what the OP wanted to know. Sometimes they seem to be looking for validation of their prior assumptions or rationalizations. Sometimes they are asking us to be co-conspirators in an unsavoury undertaking. Sometimes they really are seeking a direct answer to the question they posed.

I always try to provide an insightful and helpful answer.
Where that is best achieved by just answering the question as posed, I do that.
Where they are seeking validation when it is warranted, I offer that and answer the question.
Where their prior assumptions or rationalizations seem ill-founded, I tell them that and why I think so.
Where they are asking me to help them do something in which I believe I want no part, I tell them that and why I choose to not offer the kind of answer they wanted.

Sometimes, I am more interested in responding to an answer previously offered by some of you amazing Jellies out there.

zenele's avatar

Hey – this is a Meta question – so it’s about fluther. I like fluther – been here for ages. I enjoy the conversations here and the intelligence and wit of many.

How have you been enjoying your stay so far @Doctor_Doolittle?

Do you feel your written English has improved? Do you ever speak English in RL?

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I try to give the least harmful suggestion and sometimes follow it with personal opinion and on rare occasion then I’ll tell them what they really want along with what to expect.

YARNLADY's avatar

When people ask for help, we try to give them help. Sometimes that help is more in the form of what they need as opposed to what they want. People often do not phrase questions to express exactly what they want, anyway.

I someone asked “Please tell me how to kill myself, because I saw my boyfriend with another girl” are we supposed to give ways to kill yourself? I don’t think so. Or “How can I get back at the girl who took my boyfriend away?” No responsible user would suggest how to get revenge.

Your_Majesty's avatar

@zenele I believe I put my question in the right place(I mean,this is about how people answer question in fluther).

I’m enjoying my time here but maybe I will spend less time here for some personal reason,but,hey how could you know my real name? Did Gail told you about this? Never mind,that’s not important anymore. My English is still in the way for perfection as I’ve been taking English classes in my country. Anyway,this is the first time I saw you change your avatar. Not bad,I guess.

SeventhSense's avatar

@YARNLADY
You’ve raised the one thing about human nature that irks me perhaps more than any other. Namely the capacity people have to assume they can intuit what’s best for another and more so the emotional well being of another. Ironically most people are woefully ignorant of solving their own issues but yet have perfect clarity when it comes to other people. If everyone were to really just focus on what’s best for themselves and find peace I think the world would be an amazing place. We could then help each other not from a place of lack, inferiority/superiority but simply as a natural expression of our nature. But in my opinion that can only come from people who don’t need to help others. The motivation which I think is often just a diversion from addressing their own glaring faults.

YARNLADY's avatar

@SeventhSense I don’t need to touch a stove to see if it is hot, and I can’t just stand by a let anyone else do it either.

SeventhSense's avatar

@YARNLADY
Rightly so, yet there’s many degrees of danger. Like it or not, we can really give nothing to another unless they can give it to themselves first.

YARNLADY's avatar

“The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves.”
Helen Keller

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