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nikipedia's avatar

Would you confront someone if you believed s/he accessed personal documents of yours?

Asked by nikipedia (28080points) July 10th, 2010

Suppose you had reason to believe that someone looked at some personal documents of yours (similar to a journal). Would you say something, and if so, what?

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17 Answers

janbb's avatar

Yes I would. I would speak to them privately, tell them of my suspicions and ask them to confirm or deny them. Then I would probably tell them how I feel about my private writings and ask why they did it.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’d put something REALLY nasty about them in said documents, so they’d know that I know….

dpworkin's avatar

It depends upon who. If my girlfriend did that I would not find she knows she’s allowed.

nikipedia's avatar

@dpworkin: Let’s say someone one is casually dating. (Third date.)

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Oh, hell yes, I would! That is not okay. Even if they weren’t being intentionally snoopy, they need to know that there are certain boundaries. That’s like… I don’t even know. Like… Assuming it’s okay to, fuck… Someone help me think of what it’s like. Ha!

That’s just completely not okay.

nikipedia's avatar

@dpworkin: So…. no fourth date?

janbb's avatar

What were the cricumstances? Was the journal lying open and they glanced at it or did they search for it?

nikipedia's avatar

@janbb: Electronic document. Open, but minimized.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I say talk to him. Maybe he didn’t realize what he was looking at, at first. Base your decision of a possible fourth date on what kind of explanation he gives you.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Depends on what I think or know they accessed. If a casual date went through my bills and asked me something about them then I’d be kind of creeped out. If a casual date went through a journal of mine that was left out then it wouldn’t be a big deal. For me anyway, anything I feel I need to keep totally private is kept away in closed drawers.

janbb's avatar

If you like the guy enough to want to date him a fourth time, I would definitely talk about the issue with him before closing the door on the relationship. Even if you do decide to end it, you will learn things about yourself just from being able to engage in the conversation.

nikipedia's avatar

@janbb: But that sounds so harddddddddd!

janbb's avatar

@nikipedia It is, my dear, it is. But that is what we need to learn to do to be in meaningful relationships….and believe me, I am still working on it.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

If you let someone use your computer to check e-mail or get on FB, you are not giving them permission to go through your papers on your desktop or in your files. This would be like going over to someone’s house and while they’re in the kitchen fixing you a drink, looking through all the drawers in the room or going through the stack of mail on the desk. Even if it’s a huge mound of mail, it’s just not done. And certainly not on a third date.

I think you need to confront him about it, see if he lies to you or not, and make your decision about the 4th date from there. If you do, you’ve learned something about his impulsive nature, upbringing, and sense of boundaries. And that you have a fundamental difference.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I agree with @janbb but since I live only with my wife, there is nothing I keep private from my wife (that she would every find) and she hesitates to even look through my wallet, even with my consent. I respect her privacy though I doubt she keeps any secrets.

whatthefluther's avatar

I would definitely say something. If you only have a suspicion, but are not certain, don’t accuse, but ask. If he denies it still take the opportunity to make your position clear and make certain he understands that position and how strongly you feel about it. If you are certain he opened the window and read it, lose him (you learned a lot about his character relatively early {thankfully} in the dating process). See ya…...Gary/wtf

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