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suzie271's avatar

Sometimes I find life to be really lonely... does anyone else feel like this?

Asked by suzie271 (284points) July 10th, 2010

I live in a foreign country with my husband far away from my family..
Sometimes I miss my family but then I realise I don’t really have a family.. cuz most of my family is so dysfunctional I am happier living far away from them…there is just little sense of togetherness and family in my family.. everyone is selfabsorbed in their own lives.
Then the feeling of not having a family outside my husband makes me feel really sad…cuz I feel like if anything were to happen to him I would feel so terribly lonely…
I have friends but I feel like friends can never really fill a void in your life.. cuz they are busy with their own lives most of the time and have their own families to turn to when they have a problem…
On the one side I am happy that I am living the life I always wanted travelling around the world and living in a city I wanted to live in but most of the time I feel really sad and lonely inside..
I often feel like I might end up a really lonely old lady…
Is this just the way life is for some people?
I don’t feel like building a family with my husband will make things different (as my father says).. I feel like it would make things even worse as now I would be worrying about the fact that my children have no support network outside their father and I…
I really envy people that have families to visit on the weekend .
I hate this feeling…. and often feel really stressed about it…
My husband sympathises with me but I don’t think he truly understands how I feel as his family is not as dysfunctional as mine and his parents are not very far away.
How can I feel better…is it possible to get rid of this feeling?
I feel like maybe it is a deeper psychological issue stemming from my childhood… that growing up I always wished my family was normal and now that the pressures of adulthood are with me that longing is even deeper and more painful…
In my family my father and my two brothers are the only ones I have a normal relationship with but :
a) my father is in his 70s now and I often worry that soon he might be gone…and it would hurt so much cuz he’s the only one i can call up when I feel sad and lonely and can give me sound advice.
b) my brothers live far away in another country and are busy with their own lives.. we meet once a year and correspond sometimes by email and by skype… I thought about moviing to the country where my brothers live and my husband said he won’t mind If I want to in the future… but that might be just that sometime in the future.. also I am not sure I would be happy living in the country they live in.

Any advice people?

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7 Answers

MissA's avatar

I’m sorry you’re feeling so isolated. Most of us feel that way to one degree or another at different times in our lives. Sometimes it helps if you write down, AND think about, what is good in your life. Perhaps it is good health, which is no little deal. That’s more important than just about anything else. For without it, you can’t fully live your life.

Some people have worrying down to a fine art. Take a day and don’t let yourself think about the worrisome elements of life. Look at others more carefully on the streets. Maybe you’ll be able to count your blessings even more.

It is good to write it out.

lloydbird's avatar

We are born alone, we live, we die alone.
The point is to have fun between the 2 extremities.
All of us.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I know a bit of how you feel. My husband and I moved away from our family due to his career. Now his career has sent him away from our son and me. I miss being at the family events. I visit as much as I can. My husband has been away for 6 months now and I am preparing for my 3rd trip back to where our family is. It’s nice to get out of the house and be with family.

As far as worrying about something bad happeneing to your husband and your father, try to focus on the good that you have now. No one wants to lose the people we love and while it’s an inevitable part of life, we don’t have to let it control us.

Your_Majesty's avatar

No,I immune to loneliness. I missed my cats every so often while I’m away but I rarely miss a human(even my SO. lol).

MissA's avatar

@suzie271 Do you have a furry friend? Having one is far more than “having a pet”. As expressive as you are, I would guess that a doggy or kitty cat would love you to death! You get back much more than you could ever give…that I will promise you.

Think about it.

betterdays's avatar

I agree with @suzie271 about getting a pet. A pet would help to fill the void and would give you something to take care of. But other than a pet, you need to get out in the world and around people. Are there any pre-schools, retirement homes or soup kitchens that you could volunteer at in your area? What about taking a class in something that you’re interested in? You just need to be brave and get out there, somewhere, and in no time you will be making friends.

I know how it feels to be from a dysfunctional home too. There are days that I get “blue” and give myself a pity-party thinking about what my childhood should have been, but I decided long ago to let the past behind and live for today. If you didn’t have much of a family, decide to create your own filled with friends that love you for who you are and a husband that cares dearly for you. Best wishes!

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@suzie271 I can understand how coming from a dysfunctional family can create obstacles to forming close friendships. Your previous questions have expressed concerns with other people not respecting your privacy and boundaries. I can see why you are lonely and why you fear you will end up old and alone. Perhaps we should talk more about these things. See the comment I sent you privately. I would be glad to help you all I can.

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