Do women, when conversing with men expect them to spend part of their time talking to their breasts?

Thank goodness for you!!! Seriously! It is very disconcerting and uncomfortable to be talking to a man who is staring at your breasts like he’s never seen anything like it before!

We’re appreciative when people can manage to keep their lust in check when holding conversations.

I think most women expect mature men to notice them, send up a silent thank you, then file it away for later consideration and listen to us. :)

Hey, it is okay to look…i just don’t stare! Nothing wrong with looking at the physical features of another person. we all do!

Do women feel the same way when they are wearing a push up bra and low cut, tight top?
Is it insulting not to look?

I’ll be honest: I LIKE one quickie. But it’s been a loooooong time since I enjoyed one. LOL ! hope I don’t regret saying this

@worriedguy Women dressed like that expect to get noticed, but just don’t fall into a hypnotic trance!

@worriedguy Great point !! They deserve what they get!! not wanting to put anybody down here

@netgrrl you got that right!

Yup.

I am uncomfortable with blatant sexual attention directed at me, and unfortunately, my “girls” are large enough that I couldn’t stash them away even if I wanted to. I keep cleavage at such a minimum that my female friends have called me a prude, and my big older sisters have exhorted me to show them off more (“How are you going to get married if you’re hiding your figure away!?” “Use ‘em or lose ‘em, girl!”)

@aprilsimnel They think you’ll never get married by being modest? Oh, brother.

@BoBo1946 So, it wouldn’t make you the least big uncomfortable if a woman was talking to you and took a moment out to look at your crotch…..?

@Dutchess_III You mean other women don’t at least sneak a glance at men’s packages? LOL Just don’t get caught.

@Dutchess_III if they stared it would..but, just to glance that direction..no!

I’ve tried talking to breasts. They never speak back – so there’s no point in trying.

@Dutchess_III omg; I’d die if I were caught in such a glance. lol
have to be sneaky about it

I expect them to look me in the eye.

Look, not for nothing, I don’t think you need a medal or anything for this. I expect anyone to, when listening to me, look me in the eye and think lowly of anyone that isn’t capable of this. It’s pathetic.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Re-phrase? I did not understand what you said.

@Aster I expect anyone to look me in the eye when talking to me.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Well , of course. But I thought we were discussing them looking on occasion. Not continually.

You don’t even want to know what I think about boob-talkers. When a man doesn’t talk to my chest I think to myself ‘Wow, here’s a person who sees me as a real person and not just a sexual object put here for his pleasure’. I’m much more likely to promote, talk to and hire men who know how to have an adult non-sexual conversation.

It should be basic that while talking to a woman you look at her eyes. This isn’t rocket science.

@Aster – Well, men are so crazed by their need to lay big-boobied, curvy hot chicks that nothing else about a woman would matter! Didn’t you know?~

@aprilsimnel Nothing else about her would matter? God; no wonder women get breast reductions . No; I didn’t think it was THAT bad. I learn so much on fluther

Yes, eye contact is very important in creating trust etc., but we have peripheral vision! There is no way a person cannot notice a person’s anatomy unless a person has a vision problem! Staring is where they cross the line, in my humble opinion!

@Aster, a tilde” ~” at the end of a sentence here means sarcasm. Sorry! I was joking, of course men care about more than that, the decent ones, anyway!

I don’t mind if a man notices. It’s when they gawk that it’s uncomfortable. It can be almost impossible to carry on a conversation with a man when they are zoomed in on your chest. A quick glance is flattering, but the staring or repeated glances make for a really awkward situation.

@BoBo1946 It’s rude to allow yourself to become distracted by peripheral vision when you’re having a discussion with someone, unless you see something major in your peripheral vision going down, like a plane flying into a building. Also, I’ll go out on a limb here and say that you only think it wouldn’t bother you, but I’m betting it would. It makes you feel like a piece of meat that is, or is not, passing some inspection.

As to checking out a man’s package…..say what? Why would anyone want to do that? First, you can’t really see anything, and even if you could, what possible difference would that make in your perception of him? I know men are convinced that size is important, but I’m betting most women could care less. So what would any female be looking for?

@Dutchess_III Perhaps we should equate it to looking at a man’s wallet? I can’t think of anything else that might work for comparison to show how it feels like one is being judged by breast size/shape/etc.

@Dutchess_III booboo would LOVE it if some woman looked.
Trust me.sorry boo

It doesn’t bother me, unless, it is a prolonged stare. “Up here, guys”.

LOL Because it’s fun… just as harmless as noticing a woman has a great rack or someone has a great ass.

No, it doesn’t change my perception of who they are, because we are not defined by these things.

@Dutchess_III really…did not know that. Thank you so much for telling me that. So, after a person walks away, you have no idea what they looked like? In any shape, form or fashion. Did you notice my comment about not staring? Confused to why you are attacking me on this comment. You don’t know me…i would never stare at a lady’s physical features. geezzz

@netgrrl There is a difference, I think, between noticing (we all notice) and staring at breasts when talking to someone.

@Aster Why would he like it?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir You’re absolutely right. Like I said before, it’s ok to notice, but then move on.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir thought that is what i said, until @Dutchess_III took it upon herself to tell me otherwise!

@Dutchess_III That question gave me a great, big barfly laugh.

@gemiwing Wow, that was an excellent answer. I don’t think I could phrase it any better.

@Adirondackwannabe awww,shucks. It makes sense too given the general mainstream belief that men are judged as providers first, people second. Especially if the general feel of the look is ‘I’m sizing you up to see if I like what you have’.

@gemiwing If a man NEVER THINKS to take a glance he doesn’t think you’re cute. Glance. Just one flashing glance. OR, his testosterone level is pathetically low. He’s old.

Find it amusing that two people thought @Dutchess_III‘s attack on my comment deserves lurves…what! Read the threads. Just saying, there is no way to not notice a person’s physical features if you are 98…........6….! Again, i would NEVER stare at anyone physical features. What give with people..just amazing! must be a personal thing!

@gemiwing Thanks, that hit home pretty hard.

I heard somewhere that women judge potential mates by evaluating their shoes…..

@BoBo1946 C’mon; can you spell, FEMINIST ?

I’d like to point out that the question IS “While you are talking to someone, is it OK to check their physical properties out?” I think that it is inappropriate to do do during a conversation. I’m not saying one should never look. I mean, seriously! How can one not look sometimes? But not during a conversation.

my computer is going crazy…removed…already posted the comment.

@Dutchess_III You are so funny to me. “not during a conversation.” Wat? Would you be disgusted to think a guy may have sex cross his mind during a chat? If his breath still fogs up a mirror I’d expect him to have a quick thought.

Must be something in the air…is there a full moon out? Too deep for my poor shallow mind!

someone ever says, “What are you staring at?”
Say “I don’t know, give me a minute.”

@jjmah It doesn’t bother me, unless, it is a prolonged stare. “Up here, guys”.

Exactly what I said, where did i go wrong? loll…

@Aster Well, then is it OK to really quickly check your text messages while you’re talking to someone? My point is, when they start checking you out during a conversation they’re sending the message that what you’re saying isn’t important.

@BoBo1946 I didn’t mention your name at all (above).

@Dutchess_III If I quickly check my iPhone screen at a text message, then put it back in my pocket, doesn’t it send the message that the conversation I am in now is more important to me? If my phone rings while talking, I will glance at it, if only long enough to register who’s calling and silence the ring.

@jjmah oh, we are on the same page…i said the very same thing, but @Dutchess_III attacked me…please read the above threads! as Charlie Chan would have said, “just amazing!”

@BoBo1946 I already said how I felt. I’m staying out of this one. :)

@jjmah cool,, but i said the same thing you said…why me? loll..must be my lucky day!

@netgrrl thank you so much….how did this get where it is…crazy! I just came to the question and answered it like a gentleman and WOWWWWWWWWWWWW!

@Adirondackwannabe this is ALL your fault…loll.. seems to me, they should be attacking you! Not me…wild!

@netgrrl See, when my phone rings when I’m in a conversation, I don’t do anything but quickly quiet it and apologize to whom ever I’m speaking to.

@BoBo1946 I’m just sitting back with my legs crossed to protect the boys. I didn’t expect this kind of response. I’ll try to help you out.

@Adirondackwannabe guess i’m going to have to be more selective on the questions i answer…seems to me people are looking to start trouble. Also, two people gave @Dutchess_III‘s lurves and I did NOTHING wrong. I’ve answered a lot of questions here, but this one takes the cake. I know when i wrong…i said nothing wrong here.

@Adirondackwannabe Actually, I appreciated the question. I appreciated the thoughtfulness implied in it.

I guess I should come clean. I used to be guilty of this, but after getting into some intense discussions with some of the jellies, I realized what it meant to others to objectify them. I really have tried to not to do it, and the response has been off the wall. I wasn’t sure if I was perceiving it correctly or not. I guess the answer is pretty clear. Slice me a new one, not BoBo.

Unless I’m dressed for it and at a bar, I never expect a man to look at my breasts while talking, and would certainly find it offensive if it wasn’t an occasional glance. My breasts have nothing to do with my words, and while I understand male libido and mindset (and understand it increasingly as I grow older), we humans learn to surpass our primal instincts, not give in to them. At the same time I find it is rare to find a man who gives full-on eye contact while we’re talking. Generalizing here, Women communicate a lot non-verbally, and eye contact is the first step to this. If a woman sees you can understand this, she may proceed with other non-verbal communication – smiles, touches, etc.

@Adirondackwannabe shame on my peripheral vision!

@BoBo1946 You are too sensitive. You have to have tough armor to be on fluther .These are smart, strong women.
it’s sweet though (-;

@Aster oh no…just holding my ground! If i’m wrong, will say so..did nothing wrong here. Did not deserve this attack. This person has a problem with something else, not my comment.

My comment: Please note the part about staring…

Yes, eye contact is very important in creating trust etc., but we have peripheral vision! There is no way a person cannot notice a person’s anatomy unless a person has a vision problem! Staring is where they cross the line, in my humble opinion!

her response!

@BoBo1946 It’s rude to allow yourself to become distracted by peripheral vision when you’re having a discussion with someone, unless you see something major in your peripheral vision going down, like a plane flying into a building. Also, I’ll go out on a limb here and say that you only think it wouldn’t bother you, but I’m betting it would. It makes you feel like a piece of meat that is, or is not, passing some inspection.

As to checking out a man’s package…..say what? Why would anyone want to do that? First, you can’t really see anything, and even if you could, what possible difference would that make in your perception of him? I know men are convinced that size is important, but I’m betting most women could care less. So what would any female be looking for?

Dutchess_III (576)“Great Answer” (2) Flag as… ¶

I rest my case!

Enough!

Thanks for the responses. I’m a little bummed it took me so many years to realize these lessons, but I’m trying. Also, guys, please keep it civil. Personal attacks bother me. If you don’t keep it civil I’ll stare at your chest! :)
PS 67 other responses and one GQ? cheapskates. lol

The truth is that, if a woman is paying attention… most men notice. 99% of the time you can catch the glance downward. It’s biological. I don’t even think they necessarily have to think about it, I really think in many cases it’s just a subconscious thing. When they stare, that’s a different story. I’m not really sure it takes as much thought as checking your phone or sending a text message. I think in many cases it’s a fleeting thing. I think they look even if they don’t necessarily like what they see.

I’m not a man, so I couldn’t say for sure. But I know that if I notice a woman’s breasts, it’s because my eyes were drawn there – not because I am consciously focusing on them.

I didn’t attack anyone personally, guys. My opinions apply to everyone. I think that it’s rude to allow yourself to be distracted by anything, if you can help it, when you’re talking to someone. I think it’s rude to check your text messages, no matter how quickly you do it. I think it’s rude when you’re talking to some one, for a third person to come up and whisper in that person’s ear, and for that person to allow themselves to be distracted long enough to listen to them.

@BoBo1946 OK, so you’re talking about noticing something with your peripheral vision, not actively looking, right? Well, then the point is moot. People don’t know what you’re seeing with your peripheral vision. There is nothing to take as an insult in that because they don’t know. I’ve been on the receiving end of boob talkers and butt grabbers since I was 13 years old. I never appreciated any of it. I, personally, never saw it as a compliment.

BTW, I apologize @BoBo1946

We had a woman in our office that had big boobs and showed enough cleavage that I was afraid a nipple would fall out. She was ranting one day about a guy she didn’t care for looking at her chest while talking to her. I told her if she was going to show them off, she couldn’t pick and choose who got to see them.
I have noticed guys glance at mine during conversations, but don’t usually talk to them, they talk to me. I don’t wear real low cut shirts though.

@chyna Agreed. If you go out of your way to show them off, you can’t really be surprised if someone looks. It works both ways.

@chyna That slays me! It’s like a gal has something intriguing written on her shirt, then gets pissed when people try to read it!
I never wore anything close to a low cut shirt. I don’t think it really matters what you wear, it’s gonna happen because that’s just the way some guys are.

@Adirondackwannabe Just because there are a bunch of people typing to see themselves talk and trying for entirely too long to defend one thing or another about their responses doesn’t mean a question (any question, nothing personal) deserves a GQ

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I wasn’t serious, see the lol. It wasn’t a great question, maybe more of a sad question. Maybe, if one guy or even one woman picks up something from it its good. :)

@Dutchess_III thank you and have a great day!

@Adirondackwannabe I wasn’t serious either, just replying. I think a lot of qs go down this road, it’s a waste

Of course it is not OK to stare, but given those situations where a woman is wearing a top with a V-neck down to her breast bone and the Girls are jumping out of a push up bra screaming “Look at Me!!” you look!! That is obviously her intent to have you notice. Even in those extreme situations it is not polite to stare albeit hard not to.

@Cruiser Exactly! I even look even though I don’t want to see someone else’s boobies.

@Cruiser could not agree more…in different words, exactly what I said!

Just because there are a bunch of people typing to see themselves talk and trying for entirely too long to defend one thing or another about their responses doesn’t mean a question (any question, nothing personal) deserves a GQ

@Simone_De_Beauvoir so, you never done that! just saying! How long is too long?

BTW, @Adirondackwannabe i gave you a GA! Besides, i’ve found GQ’s and GA’s are like beauty, “in the eyes of the beholder!” Often, friend based.

@BoBo1946 Get outside and enjoy the day, my friend. I’m going to do the same. :)

@jjmah best answer i’ve read all day! It was not a good morning!

@BoBo1946 I have. It was a waste.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir you would be totally correct. Next time, i’m taking @jjmah‘s advise and go outside and play with my toys. Dumb of me to bite that bait!

If a guy is “talking to your boobs” does that mean he isn’t talking to you? I guess his words and ideas count for nothing?

There are a number of people who have trouble making eye contact with others in conversation. That doesn’t mean they aren’t being truthful or only have sex on their minds, or whatever it is that a woman might think.

But I understand. Symbolism is usually a lot more important than paying attention to reality.

Anyway, my point is that it is not always the case that a many staring at breasts is treating you as a sex object.

@wundayatta I disagree with some of your points. If a person has trouble making eye contact, why is it that they don’t have trouble making eye contact with my breasts? Generally speaking, I am pretty capable at reading someone and figuring out whether or not they’re generally uncomfortable or objectifying me. That aside, are you really proposing that we should (instead of being pissed off) respect that this amazing man in front of us is quite the multi-tasker (charmed, I’m sure) because he is both talking and staring at the same time? Wow, I must be lucky. If I am capable at looking you in the eye, then please do the same for me. Also this line “symbolism is usually a lot more important than paying attention to reality’ – wtf is that about? Being objectified is my reality, a lot of the time, so asking for a person to learn how to treat me as a human being instead as a pair of breasts has nothing to do with symbolism and everything to do with a version of reality I’d like to see myself be a part of.

Well, in closing this matter for me, thank goodness….if i took @Dutchess_III wrong in her statement, i apologize also. Reading her profile, she must be a very nice lady. As the warden said in “Cool Hand Luke,” “what we have here is a failure to communicate!”

@jjmah taking your advise…out of here!

@BoBo1946 You say that, but, you keep coming back in, ha! Go!

loll..well, mean it this time! Take care my friend!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Since being objectified is your reality, then does it matter whether the other person is objectifying you or not.

Is objectifying synonymous with not taking seriously?

What if my reality is that you are distracting me? You may make fun and say, “oh, is poor little iccums unable to look up?” Too bad you can’t be in a male body sometime.

Sometimes I think that people don’t have a hell of a lot of compassion for each other. There’s more than one way of looking at things. I think we can all agree that we should treat each other respectfully and with compassion. The difficulty is in deciding whether a behavior means the same thing in all contexts, and who has an obligation to do what.

There are cultures where it is impolite to look someone in the eye. Just saying.

@wundayatta Well, let’s see…Being objectified is often the reality I’m thrust into by another person, it is not a reality I willingly partake in…To me, being objectified is about being disrespected and about being reduced to a physicality I do not wish to be reduced to without my permission (I will grant you the fact that perhaps there are some people out there who can both objectify me and still be capable of taking what I say seriously but I’ve never met them)...and that load about distracting you…why, am I waving my breasts in your face? this is so typical of blaming the woman in question for wanting the sexist behaviour to stop…quite cliche and unexpected coming from you…and what does ‘you’re not inside the male body’ have to do with anything? you are not inside a body that gets ogled at 24/7 without invite so there…as for your other points, I agree with them…there are cultures where eye contact is not the norm..and in those cultures, staring at breasts is even further from it.

Believe it or not, Cyanide and Happiness has covered this topic before.

@bob_ yea and did a dumb job of it.

I have to agree with everyone that if a woman dresses provocatively, she can’t complain. However, I have never dressed “provocatively” but it happened none-the-less.
I just realized…I have NEVER worn a shirt that showed my cleavage! Never! What a twit I am!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Says you.

@bob_ that’s enough

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Enough for what?

@bob_ for me

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Gotcha. Cool.

@Dutchess_III People’s definitions of ‘provocative’ differ so yes, a woman can complain no matter how she’s dressed that she is being objectified. You also have a right (according to whatever you think is provocative) to think she ‘brought it on herself’. Furthermore, let me just say I simply despise when women police other women in these matters.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Some things can’t be construed as anything BUT provocative. Like, I saw a woman once, obviously going out, who had on a one-piece fishnet body suit…with nothing on underneath! No mistaking that one! At least she had the body to get away with it!

I also think that if a woman deliberately dresses to underscore her sexuality, then no. She can’t complain about being objectified. She’s flaunting her sex, not her brains. If a woman would prefer that strangers address her intellectually, then she needs to leave the blatant sexuality out of the picture.

@Dutchess_III I think there is a difference between underscoring one’s sexuality and being okay with being objectified – I don’t mind when I underscore my sexuality and share that with Alex on a dinner date, for example but I am NOT okay with being slapped on the ass or yelled at or whatever on my way to the restaurant by pathetics all around. I further don’t get where each of us gets off deciding on what’s ‘blatant sexuality’ and what is something you’d wear when you want to be addressed intellectually. To me these things, first of all, are not necessarily mutually exclusive. Secondly, I always want to be addressed intellectually but get objectified no matter what I’m wearing (as you mentioned yourself you do, as well).

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I was also noticing something else. I spent a lot of time at the beach last week, because it was smoking hot in the northeast. The majority of women would get out of the water and as fast as they could, they’d wrap a towel around them or throw on a pair of shorts or coverups of some sort. Is this also to reduce the objectification?

@Adirondackwannabe Well, presumably, you’d have to ask each of them for their reasons but if I am to venture a generalized guess, I’d say that’s more about their body image and appearing ‘fat’ in front of others.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir It was the attractive (for lack of a better word. You’d kick my ass if I used stacked :)) women who covered up the fastest. The “large” women walked around without a care in the world.

@Adirondackwannabe Well, that’s all about what you find attractive and who you were paying attention to. In my opinion, many people have body image issues and it doesn’t have much with their size. Of course there are people of any size that don’t have body image issues but there are less of them around. @wundayatta If you’re planning to write something that’s 12 pages for me to read, I believe it’s my duty to tell you that I only have another hour until I have to leave to yoga, :)~

I did the same thing @Adirondackwannabe, although I had zero concerns about looking fat, and no problems with body image. None what so ever. I just felt like I was on some sort of display if I didn’t cover up.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Thanks, good points.
@Dutchess_III That’s exactly how I sensed it from their body language. Display is the right word.

Thanks @Adirondackwannabe

@wundayatta Hey! You stuck? Do we need to come rescue you???

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Being inside someone else’s body has to do with compassion. If you had, then you would believe that looking at breasts is often involuntary, and that it is a powerful urge. I don’t expect you to believe it, but it is not completely within our control, and sometimes people just give into it. I’ll grant you that that is boorish behavior, but a guy who is struggling all he can to not look down is not going to be treating you any more like a person than someone who is looking down might be.

Is it still sexism and objectification if the behavior is involuntary? I don’t think so, but I don’t think any woman would agree with me, unless she had been inside a male body. You don’t have to wave your breasts in my face. I can spot them thirty feet away. That’s just the way it is. It is distracting whether you want it to be or not, just as our behavior is objectifying whether we want it to be or not.

I’m asking for compassion. I’m asking not to be made fun of when I say I can’t control it. I’m sure some guys can. I’m sure many don’t even care. And I am equally positive that I am not objectifying any woman when I observe some of her primary sexual characteristics, or whatever it is called. Humans have, for lack of a better term, an animal nature, too. I think that it takes more than boob looking to determine if someone is objectifying you.

You say you are surprised I am saying this, and I can surely understand that

Sorry—I got interrupted. I’m just back from lunch, so…. I’ll just leave it at this. If anyone can guess where I was headed with the last sentence, please let me know.

@wundayatta GA.

* standing ovation *

No.

@wundayatta You reaaaaly make this urge sound like a disease or a disorder or something – the degree to which staring at breasts is involuntary is highly debatable – my husband, who’s not a boob person, would not understand what you’re saying, whatsoever. I don’t agree that something slightly involuntary (if I am to permit this reasoning) can’t be controlled, though and it should be controlled if you, especially, know that it causes women to be p.o.‘d about being stared at like that. I, too, am asking for compassion – I am asking to not be dealt with according to my body – my breasts are big and obvious but I do nothing to make them so. My body has many curves but it is not there for your undressing. I don’t identify as a woman, as you know, but my body is perceived that way regardless and not only but is objectified – save for cutting off my breasts, I ask you to perhaps try harder to not speak to my breasts even if you do notice them.

@wundayatta I’d have to disagree with you about the urge to look. I’m getting more satisfaction from the interaction with another person on a high level than I ever got from looking at breasts.

@Adirondackwannabe (BTW…that is SO cool! And it’s so wonderful that that simple thing has improved your interaction with women so much!)

@Adirondackwannabe But of course. Boobs don’t talk. People talk. And of course, @Simone_De_Beauvoir, I do the best I can not to offend people, especially since I want them to like me.

You didn’t ask for your boobs. None of us asked for our bodies. Yet we have them, and people respond to them, consciously or subconsciously. You don’t identify as a woman and yet everyone, just about, who sees you identifies you as a woman. The only way you can get your body out of the equation is by communicating anonymously, as on fluther.

There are many differences in bodies that trigger various prejudices. Skin color, gender, clothing, abilities, height, fitness, beauty, etc, etc. Only in writing can we get people to engage with us first through our ideas. In physical situations, bodies come first. And physical reactions to bodies.

I think that if we want honest communication, we can’t hide our prejudices. I like breasts. Sometimes I just want to look at a pair until I die. Well, not really, but looking is good if touching is impossible. You, on the other hand, are offended by that kind of behavior. So if we meet, maybe it’s better for me to stare frankly, indicating that I find you sexually desirable (assuming I would), and then you can tell me that you are offended and feel like I do not see the rest of your personhood, and then we can negotiate where we want to go from there.

You are a sexual being as well as an intelligence with a lot of interesting ideas. I’m a sexual being, too, as anyone who has read much of my stuff will know. I’m obsessed. But not, I think, in a bad way. I would like to think I am obsessed in an aware way. I can critique my own behavior because I am aware of it, and I can talk about it without being ashamed about it. I know it can offend people, but I also know I do not intend any offense, and that I can work it out of my system, and move on to more civilized behavior. 90% of the time, I hide it, anyway, unless it is one of those involuntary glances, and even then, I jerk myself back to appropriate eye contact almost instantly.

I just want to be able to admit to this without being excoriated. I totally respect other people’s views on this. I do this, and I think I do it responsibly, and whether or not you believe it is involuntary, that’s how I experience it. I hope you will understand this and have some compassion for it, just as I understand how it can make a woman feel objectified and I have compassion for her.

@Dutchess_III
I have to agree with everyone that if a woman dresses provocatively, she can’t complain. However, I have never dressed “provocatively” but it happened none-the-less.
I just realized…I have NEVER worn a shirt that showed my cleavage! Never! What a twit I am!

Exactly! Most women don’t wear clothes in their everyday lives that are provocative. If you do stuff like work, go to school, run errands, or go to the gym, revealing clothes are just not practical. Guys don’t just look at obvious cleavage… I’ve had dudes look at my breasts when I was wearing t-shirts or sweaters.

@Haleth ‘Zactly. I think it depends on the guy, and the level of overall respect he has for women. It’s been my experience that older generation men tend to be much more condescending to women than the current generations.

I am always attentive to what distinguishing features a person has. Sometimes it is their eyes, or the way their hair frames their face or frankly their bust size and shape and whether they seek to be trying to draw attention to it or minimize such attention. This all happens in a second or so.

If I am talking to a person, whether they have breasts or not, I tend to look at their face.

If the person is expressing negative things about their shape or weight which from my experience more women I speak to do than men, I will give them a quick look over and complement them on their positive features, good proportions or I’ll say there is many more important things than whether they measure up to some artificial and non-existent ideal body shape.

Are I absolutely fascinated by breasts? Yes. I am. Do I converse with them? Only rarely and in a playful way with someone with whom I am intimate. Should you want me to pay them special attention, let me know.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir What would “identifying as a woman” mean to you? If you Don’t identify as a woman, does this mean you don’t do or refuse to do most or all of the housework and cooking , you don’t wear makeup or female appearing clothing? What does a person do who appears female to the universe but claims to “not identify with either sex.” If it means you get out of household chores I can see how it would have its benefits. Also, would you ever feel comfortable receiving Mothers’ Day gifts or cards? Or would you feel more comfortable receiving Fathers’ Day gifts. If someone called you, “Miss” would you turn around or be more apt to respond if they said , “Sir.” Or neither?
It really sounds like Such a major effort to live in the way I’ve implied, possibly incorrectly. (I’d like to see a wedding video)

@Simone_De_Beauvoir is usually pretty gracious about answering sincere questions. This person has a lot to deal with right now and may choose to answer your questions at some other time. Simone can speak for herself, I know but may choose to focus elsewhere right now.

Anyone that decides to stare at the goods isn’t getting a chance to see them again.

@Dutchess_III Hahaha! You gotta be kidding. I’d never apologize for my phone ringing, anymore than if it were a phone sitting on my desk.

That’s what phones do, they ring.

(Unless I was in a situation where I should have put it on silent and forgot, of course.)

I have to take it out of my pocket or purse to silence the ring, so glancing at it is second nature.

I believe the person I am speaking with deserves my attention, but I don’t believe glancing at a phone quickly while you silence the ring is in any way rude.

And believe me, I am sensitive about rude cell phone behavior.

No one maintains full eye contact for every second during any conversation. Actually, that’s kind of creepy.

Wouldn’t it be fun if the women who are breasts watched had a little speaker in that region through which they could talk back at their lurking conversation partner?
“Yes, we totally agree with you on your stance on BP/Obama/soccer/etc.”
That’ll teach them.

@rebbel Or you know.. a blinding light.

@meagan
Even better! Or mace.

@wundayatta I am all for you being a sexual being, that’s great…I am a sexual being, as well…no one is talking about some kind of prude-ish concept of making you ashamed of desiring to look at breasts…what we’re talking about is whether or not, in conversation, one should look at breasts or at the person’s eyes…and I think the answer is clear.

@Aster All things I can address in a pm if you send me the same questions. Talking about my gender identity on this thread is pointless.

I’ve mentioned this before… I am busty. When I was younger (and hotter), I did come to expect that men would frequently focus on my breasts, no matter the setting. Did I appreciate it? No. It made me extremely uncomfortable (unless I was actively trying to be sexy for someone in particular).

I don’t know if it’s a function of newer generations being more sensitive to this issue or just that I’m too old (or dumpy) to attract such a hubbub these days, but it’s definitely a less common occurrence, now. It makes interacting with men so much more pleasant, whatever the cause!

@augustlan I bet you still are hot. Intelligent people are very attractive and attractive packaging does not hurt either.

Alan Harper: There is no one more sympathetic than I, to the plight of the large-breasted woman!

Mrs. Schmidt: What the hell is wrong with you?

Alan Harper: I was a bottle baby. [staring]

Mrs. Schmidt: Hey, bottle baby, I’m up here!