My s/o acts like medicinals I order are silly, useless and won't consider any of them.Why?

Why isn’t this an issue you can resolve? You like them and believe in them, he doesn’t. Neither of you has to convince the other of anything; just let it be. If you can’t agree to disagree on such a seemingly trivial issue, what’s really going on?

@janbb I have no idea what’s going on. You’re suggesting I should give up and
not care one bit about his health?

It sounde more like from your question and details like you were p.o.‘d at his dissing rather than concerned about his health. If that is the real issue, focus on your concerns and ask him if he is also concerned. If so, what methods might he use to improve it that he would buy in to? What are his feelings about his health? It sounds like you have taken a valid concern and made it into grounds for a continuing spat rather than a productive discussion.

It is not up for discussion. He isn’t interested in anything but my not trying to
get him to change. He wants to be left to his own foolish ideas and his sports
shows on tv. I will try and just give up then. thanks.

@Aster Are his health and his sedentary lifestyle dealbreakers for you?

No. Just very worrisome and destructive to his longevity. And less importantly,
a real sign of how we differ strongly in how important health is.

Trying to get someone to change when they aren’t ready never works, it only causes tension. In your eyes, you’re right and he’s wrong. Maybe that’s true and maybe it isn’t, but making it a point of conflict between the two of you won’t help either one of you. Unless it’s something truly dangerous (refusing insulin shots or pills when the doc says he needs them, blood pressure medicine, etc) I’d leave it alone. Just try to teach by example and hope for the best.

He may get a wake-up call at some point (a crisis) and realize himself that he has to change. Or, if it does become really important to you, you might suggest that the two of you go for some short-term counseling to discuss it.

He had a major crisis, it did not help him to see any need for change. He would
never agree to counseling; just agree I need to stop ordering any vitamins.

This sounds like an issue you guys should address, not the diet, but respect for each others opinions and views. Sorry if I step on some toes, but that’s how I see it.

I get so sick of hearing, “that’s ridiculous. Forget it!” “You and your snakeoil.” No chance of discussion. Hey; I appreciate all the help. Part of it is I got onto this supplement/yoga
lifestyle a few years ago pretty heavily but he never took interest in it. He looks
at it scornfully, like a waste of money. If I buy plums, “they’re not the best.”
Peaches, “too hard.” Strawberries? They have to be perfect. Tender , juicy and
sweet. If not he won’t eat them. It about kills me to see this . He’s eating chips.

He will eat bbq ribs if they’re dry and tough with gusto. If it’s sweet or if it’s
meat he likes it. If it’s fruit or veggies? Tough go.
Wow; instant advice. This is great.

“It about kills me to see this.” There it is. You aren’t going to change him, the best you can do is change how you feel about it. So the question is, is it a deal breaker for you? Are there things you can to do and can’t because of his health? (Going hiking when he refuses, for example.) If there is, just do what you do. Find a group to go hiking with, live your life and accept that until he’s ready to see it for himself, he’s not going to change.

I really feel for you with this one… :( It will of course be very upsetting to see the one you love not care about their health, i can think of only a few things on earth that are worse than this, so i understand your frustration 100%.
It would be so easy to let someone like that out of your life, but it sounds like you’ve been together for some time already?
Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like he’s willing to change a thing, which puts you in a tough spot. Have you ever had a really, really serious conversation about this with him, and let him know how concerning/difficult this is for you?

@Aster Have you asked him what he doesn’t like about eating fruit? I barely eat any actual fruit because the texture of it makes me gag. I have tried and tried and every time it’s the same. I can drink fruit smoothies and fruit juice, I just can’t eat the actual fruit. Perhaps instead of trying to get him to do something he doesn’t want to do, you could try to first try to understand why it is that he won’t do it.

@Aster I empathize with your frustration. Short answer: fear.

Long answer:
sorry, I’m better at long answers…

It sounds like you care very much about your own, and your s/o’s health; but you feel like your s/o doesn’t. Also, your s/o’s reaction to your methods might feel like a personal judgment, shifting from “snake oil is useless” to “anyone who uses snake oil is stupid” (for example), when you have first-hand experience that says otherwise.

To me, it doesn’t sound so much as an “I’m right, but he won’t believe me” problem, but an “I care and want to help, but he won’t allow it” type. This is very frustrating situation to overcome. In my personal experience, it at least takes time. Especially with s/o’s or anyone close to us, we can tout the benefits of anything, but it won’t sink in until it is validated elsewhere, or they “stumble upon” the idea themselves. (I don’t understand why this is, just that it seems to happen a LOT.)

The concept that seems to best fit from my perspective is that people don’t like being wrong, and they don’t like being told that the things they are familiar with, brought up to believe, or otherwise decided they would do, are “wrong”. It’s possible that your s/o thinks that if you’re right, then he’s been wrong, as well as anyone who has lived they way he lives, and well… that’s not possible, so you must be wrong. It’s the only logic that works in their mind because being open to your ideas threatens his identity.

My advice is:

Try to understand/remember that people’s personalities can be so fundamentally different that it can be sometimes impossible to understand someone’s particular behavior, but that’s OK.

Realize/remember that each person evolves through time, and this particular behavior may or may not continue. Internal and external forces change us constantly. In other words, let go of the responsibility you feel to educate him on his health.

Express your care for his health by letting him know that his health is important to you, but respect his own decisions. One can only learn when they are open to it.

Inform him (if this is true) that when he expresses such disdain, that it hurts your feelings. Let him know that he can disagree with you, but there’s no reason why he can’t treat you with respect when you treat his decisions with respect.

When you want to share your excitement about your health successes, focus on the the effects you are experiencing as opposed to what you think he shouldn’t be doing, or your methods. Tell him how much more energy you have, how you’re sleeping better, how you have better digestion or less pain… whatever it is. Besides, THOSE are the things that you want for him – not to stop doing what he enjoys (eating chips), or subscribe to a particular method of health/healing. Demonstrate the benefits of your lifestyle, and be patient so he may get there on his own.

hope this helps

No amount of “medicinals” are going to help a sedentary person and maybe he knows this and it adds to his self frustration? In my experience, very few unhealthy people are unawares just as very few overweight people are unawares.

As far as being open minded, some of us raised on simple ingredients and foods find it really hard to believe we need supplements or remedies if we don’t think anything’s ailing or broken.

“He isn’t interested in anything but my not trying to
get him to change. He wants to be left to his own foolish ideas and his sports
shows on tv.” People are funny like that. We all have our own ways of wanting to live our lives. Perhaps your approach could be modified a bit. If you actomatically come off as “The way you live is foolish…” who could blame him for putting his dukes up? You sound like one of those “Christians” who feel that they have all the answers and must step in and change other peoples lives without first ascertaining that the others desire a change. Or those wretched vegetarians who feel the need to change the eating habits of us omnivores. Or any group, really, who feel that their way is better than that of everyone else and it is their duty in life to make others see things “their” way.
Back off. Stop trying to change him. He doesn’t try to change you, but accepts you the way you are, nutty as he feels that is. You should return the courtesy.

@Trillian – nobody can just so easily let a loved one ruin their health and wellbeing – if you think it’s as simple as that then you’re the one who should perhaps wisen up a bit. She is clearly concerned for her partner, as she has every right to be, and she’s interested in his wellbeing, something which he is clearly in a shortfall with. She’s not trying to force some arbitrary thing on him, but is concerned about a very serious issue – unfortunately when you love someone, their life becomes as important to you as your own life, and anyone who can just sit back without a care and watch their loved one ruin their health, (or whatever else) must be somewhat careless.
She’s in a difficult position and is asking for advice, not a heartless wretched speech.

I guess I’d just continue quietly ordering the herbal meds for myself, and play it very low key. I wouldn’t talk to him about it, I wouldn’t try to convince him to change. I’d make it non-issue by not involving him at all. If you buy a plum and he happens to see it and makes makes a disparaging remark, I’d just shrug my shoulders, maybe say, “Well, I didn’t buy them for you.” If he insists on turning it into a battle of sorts, then I’d say plums and things are not your biggest problem. Some people just like getting mad and fighting…...

@Dutchess_lll- heh, you’re a salesperson! Like with kids, if you show and adult something and then take it/keep it away then most of them will become curious, guess that could work in the case of getting healthy too. I got my mom a treadmill and then ended up using it myself because I felt if she could do it every day then there’s no reason I should not and… it alleviated some guilt about not exercising enough.

LOL @Neizvestnaya No, honestly that wasn’t my intention! I’m not into herbal stuff myself, except for beer. Natural hops and all! :) I was just trying to help her find a way to keep the peace. It would bother me so badly to have my SO be so belittling and insulting to me. In fact, I would consider leaving them. But, she doesn’t want to leave, then she needs to make some compromises for her own mental health.

To my post above I wanted to add, “Some people also have a need to insult other people and put them down because they think it somehow makes everyone think they’re smarter than the other person….” Does he do this in only this one area, or is a common thread in your relationship?

@Dutchess_III- you may be right, he might just be an inconsiderate asshole instead of using his behavior to cover up feeling bad about his poor habits. I’ve a bad habit of always trying to see the good in things, working on accepting sometimes a poop is a poop and nothing will make it a pile of gold.

You have all been a great help to me, emotionally (as I contemplate my second EVER hummus sandwich after he had his bacon cheeseburger). I want to stress that in no way is this food thing an ongoing fight or argument. It is an occasional and very brief set of remarks he makes about my silly ideas.” When I’m worried. So I will go eat a peach now. (he would PEEL one). I bought a container of Garlic Hummus and had no idea how good it would taste. I considered the pepper roasted? kind but decided on the garlic. I can’t eat hamburger meat anymore but I do not know why. Thanks, my friends! @Trillian Funny post! Yes; I have all the answers. LOL!

@Aster
It’s kind of dastardly but you could take up serving his preferred foods on colored plates (blue and green are supposed to make food less appealing) smaller than 12” and your own foods on appetizing earthtone colored ones. Arrange your own foods as pretty as you can and plop his. It’s not to be snarky but the contrast might take hold on him to at least pay more attention and maybe try your stuff? Do you think he’s a pill at these times because he’s jealous you treat yourself better than he treats himself?

I think @Spider‘s answer is very good. I would caution you about talking about your health and how the food or vitamins are making your feel so good. He’s going to be suspicious of it because you’ve been trying to sell it to him for a while now.

I think you may have to be satisfied with taking care of yourself.

Does he get an annual checkup? If so, let the doctor take care of it. If not, it might help to make him an appointment and take him there. The doctor will look at his bp and cholesterol. But maybe he’ll just look at his weight.

But here’s another thing. The health results of “healthy” food or lifestyles is just a probability. It is perfectly possible for someone to eat all kinds of cholesterol inducing materials and live to a very old age. Perhaps he is responding to some need in his body. I doubt it, but it’s possible.

At this point, though, it has become a battle of resistance, and you can’t win that. Give up. I know you care deeply and it worries you to see him behave this way. You can’t change him.

You can, however, change yourself. You have a choice. You can leave the relationship. Or do things that are less drastic. Maybe refuse to eat with him. I don’t know. Don’t do it vindictively. Do it because you are protecting yourself. See what happens.

I like @Dutchess_III response – “Well, I didn’t buy them for you, they’re for me.” Then smile sweetly and go on about your business.

@ariztad (sp) wrote something a few months ago that stuck with me in that you could try excusing yourself from eating with the person who chooses bad foods and saying to them it’s because you don’t want to be tempted by the stuff.

I’m curious about something: how do you handle meals? Who’s cooking? At my house (when I was married and my kids were young hahaha) people ate what I cooked or made something themselves. Granted, I didn’t cook very much they wouldn’t eat, but I only cooked once.

@netgrrl He cooks breakfast WAY before sunup; I’m asleep. I cook dinner; he has never done that. More and more we each different things for dinner but he does not know I switched to ground turkey as opposed to beef. I do not mind eating different things. I left peaches out , he ate one. I didn’t suggest it. I have to just keep quiet.
He eats fish sometimes with me. And I do eat a Lot of chips too.

Don’t talk about it with him. Take what you want to.