Social Question

KhiaKarma's avatar

Have you ever consciously and determinedly changed your life?

Asked by KhiaKarma (4328points) July 20th, 2010

How did you do it? Did you have a plan in which you tangibly set goals? Or was it more instinctual and subtle? Can you pinpoint when the decision was made?

Lots of questions. I have a lot to think about over the next few days on where I want my life to go. What kind of future I want, and how I am going to get there. I am thinking about steps it takes to make change happen. Even little things like day to day tasks can have such an impact. I would appreciate any personal stories of what you have experienced.

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.”

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28 Answers

Scooby's avatar

1, I kicked the bitch out…… :-/
2, Nope!! It was a spur of the moment thing! :-/
3, When I found his jacket on the banister rail after arriving home from work early… :-/

And we all lived happily ever after!! At least I have ;-)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Well you were there when Alex and I changed our lives around because of meeting on wis.dm. We look back now on leaving our spouses to be with each other after only speaking online and think we must have been crazy but we simply felt such a pull towards one another that nothing stood in our way. There was no plan and no one supported us but because we knew we were right for one another, all else was going to fall into place, eventually and if it wouldn’t, we didn’t care. It was intense, that period of our lives.

kenmc's avatar

I was a very angry child. I would lash out physically at others and when I was around 12 or 13, I started to want to get laid. But lashing out with violence wouldn’t help so I decided to stop… and I did. I don’t know why, but it was truly that simple and easy.

TexasDude's avatar

I used to be a nervous, depressed wreck. I was literally afraid of just about everything. I would tremble, my heart would race, I would randomly cry… just about every day.

One day, I decided that I should change. I put myself through a “personal bootcamp.” Any time I showed a sign of depression or anxiousness, I would tough talk myself out of it with encouraging words like “you’re a fucking badass, you’re not going to let this shit hold you back, are you?”

I knew that if I had been conditioned to be a miserable wreck, I could be conditioned to toughen up and be okay.

It worked.

Now, It’s been two years and I’m pretty much depression and anxiety free. I take most things in stride now that would have debilitated me previously, and it’s all because I decided that I wanted to kick wholesale ass as opposed to have my wholesale ass kicked.

poofandmook's avatar

I almost got fired going through the Really Bad Thing this winter, and after I was pulled into the boss’s office to be told I was getting my first and final write-up, I just said I wasn’t going to be ME anymore. ME was angry, impatient, nasty, bitchy, lazy, etc. etc. I don’t know how I did it because I tried for years, but after that day, I just turned it around. It’s hard for me to remember when I was like that now.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Eleven years ago, I stopped abusing alcohol. I was a daily drunk before then. Luckily, I didn’t have to do it alone. I found an organization that was full of people who’d done it before. It was a 12 step program, and I followed directions and used the steps as a means of changing my life.

Today, my life is utterly different than it was before. Where I was a wreck, now I’m calm and compassionate. Where I was afraid, now I have the fellowship of the group to reach out to and gain strength from. Where I was alone, now I have real friends to rely on.

Likeradar's avatar

In college, I realized the drinking and drugs and partying had stopped being a fun weekend stress reliever and had become a lifestyle. I was depressed, flunking college, feeling like shit, and generally failing at life. One night I didn’t want to drink, and my roommates came into my room and literally tried to pour vodka into my mouth. Time to make a change.
I moved out of the apartment I shared with “friends,” in with my parents, started therapy, and saved money to move states away, to a new school in a state where I didn’t know a soul.
It was hard. Sometimes it sucked. But it was worth it.

Austinlad's avatar

Absolutely! Six years ago I took bold steps to pay off all my debt. It was tough going, but once I did, my life changed in many ways—not least of which I stopped waking up every morning wondering how I’d make ends meet after I paid on my credit cards. Wish my dad had been able to experience it.

CMaz's avatar

yes, on a unconscious level.

BoBo1946's avatar

My change was about making better choices!

Jude's avatar

I’m doing it right now.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

It is what I have been trying to do over the past year, but it is not working out too well.

janbb's avatar

I was working in a family business with my husband and parents and it was not working. Woke up in the middle of the night on a vacation with the decision that I had to leave. Gave a date two months later for my resignation, and two days aftet that, walked in to a new part time job back in my old career – librarianship. Couldn’t have worked out better.

Cruiser's avatar

I was self employed and struggled for 16 years and out of the blue offered a job by one of my key suppliers. A steady paycheck and full benefits was tempting as I had just had my first son and his well being was my main concern. I decided WTH and took the job…14 years later I don’t regret that decision one bit as I have one of the greatest opportunities I could ever imagine.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Did you have a plan in which you tangibly set goals?
Yes, I didn’t support my parents getting back together and didn’t want to move in with them and to a new city so I decided to stay behind on my own.

How did you do it?
I was already working so I was able to buy what I needed as far as household items and store them in my room or in my car trunk. When I had enough items and cash then I searched for an apt. landlord who would be willing to rent to an underage who had no credit. Once I had the apt. lined up then I informed my parents, wished them well with their lives and went on with my own.

Can you pinpoint when the decision whas made?
Oh yeah. The minute my mom showed poor judgment in wanting to take her lousy husband back who’d left us high and dry to where I was supporting my mom and sister for near two years. In my eyes she disrespected my sacrifices (I was still a high school student) and was approving his poor treatment of me over the years. I made the decision to cut her loose in order to start a life for myself. I knew he’d let her and my sister down and I didn’t want to be helpless and tied to them when it happened, that part has always made me feel a little guilty and selfish. A little.

From that time I have never felt afraid to start over from scratch and have done it several times. I know I can drop into a town with nothing but a car and get myself set up quickly.

hug_of_war's avatar

Kind of what I’m in the process of doing now, and it scares me shitless but I know I can’t live my whole life this way, too afraid to do anything. It won’t really take effect for a year, but it takes a lot of preparation to do something you know your family won’t approve of. Sometimes I try to convince myself moving away from my family and with my boyfriend is a mistake, but I really feel like I’ll keep living like a shadow if I don’t take a chance.

I’m also tired of being overweight, tired of feeling disgusting for eating things I know are horrible for me and I am ready to change, so that’s something I’m starting to plan for, and more motivation to move out because with my current family situation it would be next to impossible to make such a change.

Ludy's avatar

I have not gotten there yet, I feel like I havn’t touch that part in my life that would make me change the way I live, like if I am still in the middle, and very comfortable so…

ninjacolin's avatar

I immersed myself in a career path that I had no experience in including training and field work in a specific industry. It was intense and it involved dropping all my other entrepreneurial endeavors temporarily. After months of sucking at this new gig, I quit. Then, just before I moved away to start fresh again, I was hired by a totally different industry to do pretty much the exact same work that I had just learned/failed at. In this new industry, I was somehow very successful. I’m super happy about how it’s all turned out so far. I still use everything I learned from industry1, only I apply it to industry2 and it works wonders. I have no idea why industry1 didn’t work out but I’m glad I dedicated myself to it for so long. It has really paid off now.

Nullo's avatar

I realized one day a few years back that I didn’t have friends so much as I did people whose company and assets I could use for entertainment. I was thoroughly disgusted with myself, and resolved to be as considerate and accommodating as I could from then on
It seems to have worked, somewhat; I suspect that I’m a better friend than I used to be, but I still have trouble with keeping in touch: I don’t call, and I don’t write.

Have I resolved the root of the matter? I don’t know.

figbash's avatar

I realized that there were a lot of patterns starting to play themselves out over and over again in my romantic relationships, friendships and work relationships and they weren’t good ones. I finally decided to just gain control of my life and figure myself out. It was something like was mentioned above – it was like a bootcamp.

I gave myself two years of intensive, unapologetic focus on myself. I went through a boatload of hardcore therapy, exercised like crazy and cut myself off from a lot of the toxic relationships I’d been carrying through life. In order to also really get some perspective on myself, my emotional responses to things, etc. I also kept in very limited communication with my family. I know this may sound extreme but cutting those cords, establishing myself as my own parent, and understanding what my ‘triggers’ really were was life changing. I now am completely emotionally reliant on myself and myself only, which is one of the most liberating things I could have ever hoped for.

meagan's avatar

Basically, yes. After a terrible relationship I decided to stop taking bullshit. The result is some evil little bitch with a rage problem and commitment issues.
Can’t say it was for the best but it was a change.

KhiaKarma's avatar

Such great stories! Thanks, everyone!

strangers_lady's avatar

I leave my father who beat me. I find kind, gentle and brave man who protect and love me.

kenmc's avatar

Today, I decided to consciously and determindly make a change in my life. This Q has really and truly inspired me. Thank you guys.

KhiaKarma's avatar

So I am going to talk to my hubby about everything I have been thinking about tonight. He’s been out of town, which has afforded me some “me” time. I brainstormed what I want for my/our future and picked the top one that I want to work on first (healthier lifestyle) and set Overarching goals then I set up some Intermediary goals. It sounds so formal, but I have to do that sort of thing everyday when treatment planning with the families that I work with- so it just made sense to use the same assessment tools for my life as well. Sooo….wish me luck! My new schedule starts tomorrow.

Very inspiring stories, everyone. Makes me very hopeful that change can happen. I have a lot of habbits to break and new ones to form!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@KhiaKarma Good for you and, for support, join us here.

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