Social Question

stardust's avatar

Unhealthy sex life?(particularly single women)

Asked by stardust (10544points) July 20th, 2010

What’s your understanding of an unhealthy sex life? I’m talking about time here. I’m not going to ask anyone for details about how long you’ve gone without (by all means feel free to give details if you wish)
This isn’t about precautions, etc. Do you think it’s unhealthy for 20-somethings to be going for long periods without any action in the budoir?
How do you feel about one night stands?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

33 Answers

syz's avatar

There’s nothing unhealthy about not being sexually active – what an odd idea. Alternatively, one night stands have the potential to be the very definition of unhealthy.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@syz….I agree. What is unhealthy is sex just because you’ve gone awhile without it.

To jump into bed with someone for a one-night stand “just because it’s been too long”.... is what I consider unhealthy and these days dangerous.

Call me really, really, really Paleolithic in my thinking….but I would scrap “sex” with just anyone for lovemaking with someone who is special and loves me….I think that is worth the wait.

stardust's avatar

@syz I’m glad and reassured by your response & yours @DarlingRhadamanthus
I’ve always felt that way myself and the one night stand thing is not for me – it’s never been. However, I’ve been chatting with different single friends about this & all seem rather horrified that I’ve not slept with anyone since my last relationship ended. The more talk about this, the more the insecurity is rising. I’ve been feeling like I’ve got a problem of sorts.
I need perspective so thanks!

syz's avatar

@stardust Don’t forget, misery loves company. If your friends have unfulfilling “hook ups”, maybe they just want you in the same boat.

josie's avatar

A healthy sex life is one that you find to be reasonably enjoyable, and that does not make you sick. If no sex is OK with you, so what? If you simply want sex as a mechanical function, try one nighters, and try to avoid getting sick. Or DIY. If you want a meaningful relationship, hold out till you find it. Not that complicated

Coloma's avatar

Yes, there is no health risk to not being sexually inactive compared to the high risk of casual or, not so casual encounters.

Sexual expression has health benefits but going without is not harmful.

Hey, I’m 50 now, sex is awesome but no partner for me in about 18 months..however, I’m covered!

Turbo jets in the hot tub amongst a few other little fancies lying around the house. haha

Few men can compete with turbo jets, but, alas, they do not speak philosophy very well.

Aaah, such are the trade offs of life. lol

netgrrl's avatar

Sex without a partner doesn’t mean their sex life is unhealthy. :)

stardust's avatar

thanks @syz That’s a possibility.
@Coloma You do have it covered alright :)

Coloma's avatar


Pick up the silver bullet and a few fun toys at a passion party lol

SeventhSense's avatar

How long has it been? Umm…whatever… that’s too long… Call me.

Luffle's avatar

I don’t think it’s unhealthy to not have sex. You might miss it but there’s nothing to indicate that abstinence is harmful.

I don’t really like one night stands. Just because you haven’t had sex in a long time doesn’t mean that you should lower your standards. If you are meeting random people and sleeping with them, you will increase your chances of putting yourself at risk for a STD.

stardust's avatar

Nice to know I can rely on you @SeventhSense ;)

aprilsimnel's avatar

I just read an advice column in the weekly local rag where a woman in her 20s is in a relationship with a man with whom she’s constantly fighting, who puts her down in public and who shows her no respect at all: “I feel like shit a lot with him, and I’d dump him, but he’s sooooooo good in the sack! What should I do?” The columnist advised her to DTMFA, of course.

Exchanging her own agency and self-respect for sex? That is unhealthy. Holding off until you get what you want is healthy.

rooeytoo's avatar

Don’t forget about your oral b electric toothbrush. It is the best vibrator in the world! heheheh

Ludy's avatar

what does she mean byt ” he’s so good in the sack” ? i don’t understand, my fiancee is so good because he makes me feel loved, and care for in my needs when we do it, and that’s what makes it extra special, of course i like to get rough and spanked once in a while but i could not put up with that kind of s!@#$%^&*

Seaofclouds's avatar

I agree with everyone else. Abstinence (for whatever reason) is a lot healthier than random sex with people you barely know. They make so many toys to help with solo sex, why take the risk for some random guy/girl?

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Seaofclouds's avatar

@Ludy It’s another term I’ve heard used in place of masturbation. I like the sound of it better for some reason. Besides, you can do a lot of stuff to yourself with the toys they have out these days.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I think the only thing that needs to be kept in mind is that whatever you feel comfortable with and good about is a healthy sex life.

Pandora's avatar

Your friends may feel that you were happier when you were in a relationship and getting some on a regular basis. You may want to explain that its not the sex you miss as much as being with someone. Sex is not a cure for loneliness. If anything, sex without a real relationship may make you feel lonlier once the event is over. For that you might as well have a relationship with a vibrator. At least you can be assured it won’t bring any extra unwanted friends with it. Its healthier to look for someone you can have a bond with than a bunch of faceless men.
No one has ever died from lack of sex. At least that I am aware of. However random sex can lead to death and illness

ETpro's avatar

If you feel OK about it, there’s nothing on Earth unhealthy about self-imposed celibacy. And you go have two good hands in case you need a bit of relief. That choice seems far healthier than a series of meaningless relationships, as far as I am concerned. If I were single, it is exactly what I would do.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Mind, if you want to have sex, and you know you won’t get emotionally attached or have any expectations about the outcome in terms of it turning into a relationship and having sex is what you want, then have it.

Some people can have sex and it’s not a deep, soul-binding thing. Sometimes it’s just getting the rocks off. Safely, of course.You’re an adult, and as long as all parties openly communicate about what’s happening, then you don’t have to hold yourself off if you don’t want to.

If you don’t want to. Never mind your friends’ opinions, or ours, for that matter. What do you want? Base your decisions on that.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@aprilsimnel…...The only problem with sex for sex’s sake with a woman is the _oxytocin_factor. This hormone is released and has the same effect as a drug and that is what causes a woman to bond with someone during sex…even if she goes in with the idea of “one night stand.”

After 50, it’s not that much of a problem because the hormone is not present in large amounts. But when a woman is still fertile….well….yowza. So, even if you go in thinking you are not going to lose your heart…and you talk about it before hand…you may still harbor a bit of fantasy that perhaps this will mean more. Some women can detach and it’s not a problem, but most likely…they will have the expectations. And those expectations lead to heartbreak usually.

@stardust…..You don’t need to apologize or be embarrassed….hold out for what feels best to you.

SamIAm's avatar

k my advice is to buy one of these and keep yourself busy. One night stands are no good and will probably leave you feeling empty the next day. Plus, they won’t ever replace your last relationship and will most likely not develop into anything more serious or fulfilling (I could be wrong, I’m just assuming here). I’ve gone a number of months without and it sucked but once I finally had sex again (one night stand turned into a 4 month relationship) was so worth the wait, I swear

meagan's avatar

I’d never have a one night stand with someone I didn’t know very well. I’d loathe being stuck with a one-night-stand baby.
And I’ve been celibate for about two years now. Its actually really nice. I personally think I’m above being used (which is what most people do these days).

LuckyGuy's avatar

Men recovering from prostate surgery are told to “Use it or lose it:” Daily is best to keep the blood flowing, keep the nerve connections intact, and promote healing.

The above list of comments seem like so many lost opportunities.
(My number is 555–123…)

SkulpTor's avatar

Long periods of aloneness in bed means you are not exposing yourself to potentially unhealthy relationships. Not such a bad thing. When the right person comes along it will be worth the wait.

stardust's avatar

Thank you all for the replies. Reading them makes me realise I need to trust myself more & be true to myself. You’ve been very helpful :)

BoBo1946's avatar

@syz your answer covered the issue.

NaturallyMe's avatar

I agree with @syz as well, there’s nothing unhealthy about it…i’ve never even heard of such a thing before. I didn’t have it for the first 26 years of my life and i’m still alive… :)

SeventhSense's avatar

Don’t sweat it. I just was with a woman last night and I thought there may have been real potential. At the end of the night, I find out that not only is her divorce not finalized but she’s still seeing the married man that was the cause of her divorce. I don’t where that leaves me except cold for actually thinking she was real.
P.S.- The sex was lousy. So be true to yourself and let it be right.

Coloma's avatar


Nice disclosure after the fact..hope your banana had it’s peel on. lololol

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther