Social Question

tinyfaery's avatar

Can you help me not give in to Facebook?

Asked by tinyfaery (42811points) July 21st, 2010

I am not social, so I have never had the urge or the need to belong to a social networking site. However, since my grandmother, the family matriarch, died, the rest of my family does not get together much anymore. Everyone has their own nuclear families and our clan seems to be dissipating. Plus, since my mom died and I have dad issues, I have not seen my dad since January and we have spoken only twice.

All of my family, even dad, is on Facebook. And truth be told, I miss seeing my cousins, aunts and everybody. So, is there a way, other than a social networking site, that I can communicate and share things with my family without having to see them? I have thought about letters, but I don’t think anyone will write me back. I have also thought about just emailing, but that seems like it would take up a lot of time—cousins, niece, nephew, sister, etc…

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

76 Answers

poofandmook's avatar

There is absolutely nothing wrong with Facebook to communicate with family. There are privacy settings that only allow those people to see you, so you don’t really have to be social with anyone.

dpworkin's avatar

I was hoping you would give in to FB so that I could keep in touch with you. Sorry I am so useless.

Jude's avatar

Just go with it. You can make it private (and not be found by others), but are able to search out family. Just keep it to family.

JLeslie's avatar

Facebook is fantastic to keep up with your family. I think you should try it. You can let in only people you want to have as friends, its not like fluther, and you can defriend and even block people altogether. I would love to be your friend on facebook, several of us in the collective are connected that way. If you are interested PM me and I will give you my real name.

MissAusten's avatar

Oh, just give in already. If you keep your privacy settings at the highest level and don’t share information you wouldn’t want everyone to know, it’s a very easy way to keep in touch with people without a lot of time. I think people always mean to answer a letter or an email, but never get around to it. Facebook is quick and easy. You can even put your “friends” into groups with different settings and permissions. This means, you can have “friends” with limited access to your information and photos.

I think there’s even a way to keep yourself from showing up if someone searches for your name. That way, you can send a friend request to people you want to stay in touch with, but other people won’t be able to find you so easily.

The most annoying thing about facebook is the deluge of silly applications. Whenever I’m invited to start a farm or a zoo, I just block that particular application. I also set it so that those kinds of things are blocked from my news feed, meaning I don’t have to see that my mother adopted twelve ring-tailed lemurs for her zoo. I’m also suspicious that some of the applications may lead to viruses or hacked accounts. That’s another big reason to avoid them.

Finally, if you do cave in and sign up on facebook, be careful what links you click on when people send you private messages. They’re usually easy to spot because they are short, poorly written, and contain a link to a strange website. Just delete them.

I resisted facebook for a long time, until my husband created an account for me. Once I started finding college friends that I’d lost touch with, I was hooked. All of my friends from high school and college live several states away so for me it’s a great way to keep in touch. When we went on vacation to South Carolina earlier this year, I posted something about it on my page. A friend of mine from college lives in Charleston, which I didn’t realize, and when she saw that she emailed me so we could meet for drinks and dinner. It was amazing to see her again.

Anyway, I don’t see you as being the kind of person to become addicted to Facebook, poking people and getting mad if they don’t water your farm or feed your virtual fish. You’ll be fine. :)

Jude's avatar

“I would love to be your friend on facebook, several of us in the collective are connected that way. If you are interested PM me and I will give you my real name.”

The same goes with me. If you’re interested, I’m on there. I’ll be deleting my account here on Fluther, so, we can keep in touch via Facebook.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I’m on FB and it’s pretty much on lockdown. No one gets to see jack about me unless they see my name and picture on the page of someone who is already my friend. All they can do to contact me is send a PM through FB, which I am free to ignore. I keep control of who can contact me. I looked up a few people and blocked them so they can’t see my page at all, even in an FB search, and my privacy settings are so that no one can find me on a public search engine.

I have Jellypals on FB as well, and there’s a group of us who “like” Fluther, which also has an FB page.

mrentropy's avatar

I only have one Fluthered Facebook friend :(

poofandmook's avatar

I’m on FB and connected to several flutherites too… feel free to add me! ;)

Jeruba's avatar

I started a Yahoo! Groups list, a closed list, and invited only family members. We share news, post pictures, etc. It’s not hard, it is private, and we control it, my cousin and I. I’d much rather do this than get sucked into the FB machine.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

No, I will not – if you come to FB, you can see the pics of my kids and maybe they’ll put a smile on your face – I also regularly post sexy shots of myself as well if that’s something you’re interested in :~

dpworkin's avatar

What @jjmah says goes for me, too. I think I am leaving Fluther tomorrow at the latest.

MissAusten's avatar

@jjmah and @dpworkin Nooooo!!!! :( I hope you reconsider. You’ll be very much missed.

tinyfaery's avatar

@Jeruba Is that easier than Facebook? I want as little hassle and headaches as possible.

@All Is Facebook easy to use and set-up?

anartist's avatar

This is a perfect use for Facebook—caring at arm’s length, with the option to pursue it more by exchanging contact info.
I love being able to keep up with nieces and nephews without intruding unless I have something to contribute that they’d want to know. Sometimes they forget about the old farts in the family they’ve befriended and we can just watch them grow.

MissAusten's avatar

@tinyfaery It is easy to use, but the privacy settings can be a pain. I googled to find articles with step-by-step directions to adjust the settings in a way that would make me happy.

dpworkin's avatar

The privacy settings are more transparent now, but you need to set them immediately because the default is wide open. It takes a minute.

dpworkin's avatar

Here is the start of a little precis about why I’m leaving.

Lightlyseared's avatar

If you were on Facebook you could becomes facbook friends with me.

Now, if that’s not motivation not to join facebook I don’t know what is

figbash's avatar

Reasons not to join

* The ‘privacy settings’ really are overrated. If someone posts a comment on a comment you make, their friends can still get in through back doors
* There are a lot of people you no longer keep in contact with for a reason. They will find you.
* When you do get on, it’s a huge suck of time
* Do you really need daily-up-to-the minute briefings on that the girl you used to sit next to in 7th grade Math class? Posts of an ex and their latest flame mooning over each other on vacation?

Pros

* If you like to avoid family, or just keep briefed on family and social situations without engaging at all, this is the way to go. You log in, you look for a minute or two, post a comment here and there and you’re good. It engenders a lot of good will without the messy family dynamics that come with it

Just my opinion

JLeslie's avatar

@tinyfaery It is easy to sign up, but takes a while to get used to understand. At first, well I think always, but especially at first you should assume whatever you do on facebook the whole world can see, because it takes a while to understand the privacy settings. You can “friend” only your family and set all of your setting to “only friends,” and then only your family will be able to see your posts, photos, etc.

@dpworkin @jjmah what’s this about you leaving fluther?

mrentropy's avatar

I’m horrible about calling people so FB suits me just fine. I can send messages to people I want to keep up with, or chat with them. I like seeing what they’re doing. Everything I can set to “hide” (like all the stupid games).

The truth is, except for @figbash‘s #1 point, it’s all up to personal taste and you can pay attention or ignore whatever you want.

JLeslie's avatar

@dpworkin I just saw your link. Sorry I missed it when I skimmed the thread. So, I guess I can understand why you want to quit before being terminated. I hope you don’t go. I might start a campaign to the mods to keep you here :).

dpworkin's avatar

Oh, no, don’t. The mods have been extremely forbearing with me. I did this myself.

anartist's avatar

@dpworkin Good gawdammighty don’ leave! You were my first friend and first tormentor! Without you I could not have adjusted to Fluther so quickly.

dpworkin's avatar

@anartist Time to stand on your own two feet. And we are way off topic.

liminal's avatar

Set-up your privacy settings before inviting friends and adding information. Here is an easy to follow guide regarding privacy: http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/12/facebook-privacy-new/

One privacy thing you can’t control is when you make comments on other peoples pages and posts. There will be a link to your name that everybody they know can see. Of course, if someone follows the link and your privacy settings are locked down there will be nothing to see. Avoiding ‘fan’ pages, games, and applications is also a good way to keep one’s privacy tight.

On a personal note, I find fb to be a low maintenance way to keep track of people I care about while allowing them access, of my choosing, to me. To be transparent, it can actually help me avoid undesired social interactions. People who normally want phone calls and visits are easily appeased by weekly updates and the occasional picture. I can’t say this is a problem though.

edit: If you do decide to set-up a facebook account, once you get settled in, remember the private wall post is your friend: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoisdMoqxMU

dpworkin's avatar

(I block all applications and games. They are annoying and worthless.)

Jude's avatar

Jellies who are Facebook and want to keep in touch. PM me.

Jeruba's avatar

@tinyfaery, yes.

I joined FB about 3 years ago just so I could see my son’s posted photos. I hardly use it even though people keep trying to “friend” <gag> me. But at that time I pretty much understood what I was looking at. Now, with so many new layers of complexity, threading, options, etc., whenever I go in I feel like I’m in a hall of mirrors. I don’t know how to interpret what I see, I don’t know which way to turn, and all I want to do is get out.

By contrast, I found YG very intuitive and easy to understand. Some of my older relatives keep forgetting how to get in and losing their accounts and I have to help them restart, but if yours are already on FB they should find it a piece of cake.

Just sign into Yahoo, create an account if you don’t already have one, go to http://groups.yahoo.com/ and pick “Start a group.” You’ll be guided in how to do it. You end up with an e-list where people can post online or receive posts as e-mail, and you can upload picture files, invite people to join, post Word files, etc. As owner you have certain privileges. You can made someone else a co-owner in case you’re not always on hand. You can moderate posts or let people post freely.

It’s not hard at all. I’d a hundred times rather do that than try to wade through the convolutions of FB and never really be sure what I’m doing.

YARNLADY's avatar

I’m going to second the Yahoo groups. My family has one, and it is really useful for keeping in touch. I am afraid reluctant to join Facebook as well. My grandson keeps coming out of his room to tell me things he just read on FB, and I think he wants me to join.

dpworkin's avatar

I am in a Yahoo mailing list (Blind Family) but have no experience with the on line groups. I worry about Yahoo because it is almost always under attack by miscreants. I suppose FB must be, too, but somehow I don’t notice it as much.

Jeruba's avatar

A members-only closed list that is not findable by search and does not admit anyone except by approval of the owners seems to be pretty safe from attack. We have never had a problem of any kind in seven years.

janbb's avatar

I use FB in a very limited way mainly to keep up with my kids’ and nephews’ posts. I do have a number of Jellies who have asked to friend me and I see their posts too. I don’t spend a lot of time there, nor have I been deluged with requests from old acquaintances. I find it not half as interesting as Fluther but it does have its uses, I guess. I could quit it and not miss it.

anartist's avatar

A bit of a Facebook perspective :
Mark Zuckerberg when he was starting Facebook
Zuck: Yeah so if you ever need info about anyone at Harvard

Zuck: Just ask.

Zuck: I have over 4,000 emails, pictures, addresses, SNS

[Redacted Friend’s Name]: What? How’d you manage that one?

Zuck: People just submitted it.

Zuck: I don’t know why.

Zuck: They “trust me”

Zuck: Dumb fucks.

Openbook: reveals what bads may have slipped your lips and are available to the general public.

MissAusten's avatar

@anartist I don’t get Openbook. I tried typing the names of family members, but nothing came up. Then I tried typing several words from my own most recent status report, but nothing came up. Does it only find what you’ve shared if you don’t have certain privacy settings?

I like Failbook quite a bit though. :)

lynfromnm's avatar

If you are reluctant to use Facebook, why not just email everyone?

mrentropy's avatar

Or use the phone.
Like I don’t.

YARNLADY's avatar

My e-mail program has a way to send cc to as many people as I want – maybe yours does too.

anartist's avatar

@MussAusten I think there’s something wrong with Openbook’s searching right now—dunno why. Will try your your failbook.

Aethelwine's avatar

If you do give in, be careful what you post, especially if you have a relative that takes Facebook too seriously. My husband likes to post music lyrics throughout the day. He posted the following yesterday- “Out of college money spent, see no future, pay no rent.”

Our oldest son is leaving for college this August. My mom called my husband this evening and asked him if something is wrong. My husband said that we were doing fine. She continued to ask him if something was wrong. She finally mentioned the post he made on Facebook. Jon busted out in laughter, and told her it was music lyrics.
my mom needs to lay off the wine

jazmina88's avatar

FB allows me to be closer with my niece in OH. and my nephew in Jersey. It has given me $250 from a debt owed from college. You can say whats on your mind instead of waiting for the question…...I can keep my eye on a certains friends health. and play stupid games.

It’s nothing like the Fluther experience. but it will do. I think more on here.

augustlan's avatar

Tiny, you should join. Just so I can ‘friend’ you. :)

JLeslie's avatar

Haha. All of us wanting to be friends will probably scare her away from facebook.

aprilsimnel's avatar

One of us! One of us! One of us!

Aethelwine's avatar

@JLeslie I think I have more Fluther friends than real life friends on Facebook. lol

Jude's avatar

I just noticed that epony deleted his account, as well. When did that happen?

Aethelwine's avatar

@jjmah Maybe a few months now? So happy for Facebook, or I wouldn’t have the opportunity to talk to him, ubersiren, jbfletcher or zebra. Hope you stay here, if not, there’s always facebook. :)

rooeytoo's avatar

A blog is also a good method. You post your adventures and anyone may comment.

tinyfaery's avatar

How do I make a blog?

JLeslie's avatar

@tinyfaery Do the facebook. It is as addictive as fluther. You’ll love it.

augustlan's avatar

I suggest Wordpress.com for blogging of any length. If you just want to post tid-bits, short messages, and pictures, tumblr works well for that. By the way… you just can’t escape us. Many of us are on tumblr and Wordpress, too!

JLeslie's avatar

@augustlan But, @tinyfaery says in her question that she misses seeing her cousins and aunts and they are all on facebook. She would be asking all of her relatives to move to her blog and post pictures etc? Isn’t it asking a lot to have all of the realtives who are already connected on fb to also make an account or visit her on another site?

JLeslie's avatar

By the way I am pretty sure with privacy you can block everyone from finding you, so you only invite people you want to invite, and then no one is asking to be your friend.

augustlan's avatar

@JLeslie Good point. A blog is useful for getting information to others, but not from them.

nikipedia's avatar

I also selfishly want you to join so I can friend you!!!

meagan's avatar

Well if you want to be convinced not to join, I recently had my “identity” stolen on facebook. This person was using my name and photos of me, but saying that I was from the Dominican Republic. And when I reported it, they disabled the faux account AND mine.
I basically spent three days sending them emails, and they finally requested a photo ID. I finally got my profile back, but now I’m really bitter about it.

poofandmook's avatar

@tinyfaery: If nothing else, make a FB account for the Fluthers in your life :)

poofandmook's avatar

@meagan: I’m sorry that happened to you…

…but shush! We’re trying to get her to join, not chase her away from it! ;)

tinyfaery's avatar

Okay. I joined. I sent friend requests but forgot to say it’s me. Expect a random person to want to be your friend.

Jude's avatar

I’m glad that you did. :)

poofandmook's avatar

wootsauce :)

JLeslie's avatar

@jjmah Is he offically gone? He will be missed by many if so. I can’t imagine it. I wait for his answer on many Q’s.

Jude's avatar

@JLeslie It looks as though he deleted his account.

augustlan's avatar

Yep, he did. I miss him, too, even if he did make me work extra hard sometimes.

nikipedia's avatar

Apropos to this thread, he is on the facebook if you guys want to keep in touch.

Aethelwine's avatar

Any regrets yet @tinyfaery? ;)

tinyfaery's avatar

I haven’t been on since last night.

Aethelwine's avatar

So you didn’t get my poke?

teehee

tinyfaery's avatar

I don’t even know what that means yet?

augustlan's avatar

No poking the tiny! You’ll scare her away!

Aethelwine's avatar

You’re lucky @tinyfaery, I get poked all the time. and it’s not by my husband ;)

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