Social Question

JLeslie's avatar

Do you have a vision for your children in adulthood?

Asked by JLeslie (60154points) July 23rd, 2010

Please nothing vague like I just want them to be happy. Although, the vague answer I have no specific vision is acceptable.

What I am wonder is how specific is what you picture for your children? Do you imagine them married or single? In a specific career? Assume how they will think regarding politics and religion? Where they will live? If they will live in a house or apartment?

Do you have these thoughts? Do you try to steer them towards your idea of what their life should be? Or, do you just live in the moment with you kids, and observe them on their journey through life.

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21 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

My oldest WILL design and build the greatest rollercoasters anyone has ever ridden AND be the best bassist anyone has ever seen…

My youngest WILL be a builder and build cool stuff AND be the best 2 handed bowler and drummer the world has ever seen.

Taking all bets!!!

TwigNBerries's avatar

i don’t have kids but i plan to…...
i want my kids to be smart not just school smart but smart in everything…..they will probably live in California near me some where in Southern Cali…..
i would imagine them married with a few kids…..(not a lot so they drive them crazy )
they would be i guess liberal….i don’t really care….as long as we can have some really nice debates on politics
they will probably have a house since they will be raking in the money with there jobs as Realtors or doctors i don’t know something that pays enough money so that they don’t have to send me to a retirement home….i would hate living in a retirement home…...chills

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Perhaps my oldest will follow through on her current love and become an olympic medalist in swimming. She’s really kicking some major bubble butt on her swim team. Perhaps my youngest will also follow through on her current love and become an olympic medalist in gymnastics. She’s the smallest in her class (not the youngest; she is extremely tiny in stature), but she’s able to do a lot of things that the bigger kids can’t. They are both amazing girls, and they are both amazing at what they do.

Other than that, I can imagine them being married, content and giving me grandbabies to play with.

AmWiser's avatar

I enjoyed watching my kids when they were younger and developing their own personalities. I would try to imagine what they would be when they grew up. Whatever I thought, it didn’t materialize. They are totally different than what I ever imagined.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Funny I had a dream about that just last night. So yes I do, but he better not.

JLeslie's avatar

@Cruiser WILL, what exactly does that mean? That you will be dissappointed if they don’t do these things. That you will push them in that direction? Even if their interest change over time?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t often think about them as adults – I think more of them as developing and being interested in things now – but I do hope they don’t join the military, that’s the damn honest truth. This is a GQ – I love @augustlan‘s answer – I guess I hope that no matter what they do, they will be passionate about it and that they do give college a shot no matter what. I don’t really care, as an atheist, if they have a religion or believe in God…I don’t really care what sexuality they’ll be or if they have children. I just want them to add to this world rather than be a burden on it.

augustlan's avatar

My oldest (16) is a tough nut to crack. She’s smart and passionate, but has trouble making and sticking to decisions. I do imagine her married some day, with a child or two, but at an older age. Before then, I imagine she’ll have some kind of intense career. She’s been told “you’ll be the President someday” by several people. However, she’s thoroughly disgusted by politics and swears she’ll never be a public official. (I secretly hope she’ll change her mind.) She’s gone through several phases where she was sure about her future career, only to change her mind. Currently, she wants to work in a corporate environment, mainly for the power suits and corner offices, I think. Sigh. I can’t imagine she’ll ever be anything but a passionate liberal as she is now, but who knows? She may revolt someday.

My middle (almost 15) is also a hard read. She’s very smart, too, but struggles with some anxiety related issues. She’s always been pretty sure she’s never getting married and used to say she never wanted kids. She’s amended that and says she might adopt one, but will never give birth. People often comment that she’s well-suited to be a lawyer, but she has no interest in that. (I secretly hope she’ll change her mind.) She’s interested in owning her own business (currently an ice cream shop), and I definitely do see her going in that direction… self-employed, at least, with no one to answer to. Maybe a creative career (writing?). She’s liberal, but I don’t know if she really cares about it deeply or if this is just a default position.

My youngest (12) is the easiest to get a read on. She’s bright, too and very nurturing. She has always loved any child younger than herself, and I can’t imagine that she won’t be married, with several children of her own someday (probably at a youngish age). In fact, that may be her ultimate job… stay-at-home mother. She’s very intuitive about people and emotions though, so I could easily see her as a child psychologist or a teacher, too. Whatever she does, I’m almost certain it will involve children. As far as politics go, I think she’ll always be liberal, but may not be active about it.

OK. So. Apparently I do imagine their future lives. I truly had no idea that I had put this much thought into this! I think I am probably guilty of encouraging careers that suit their personalities and that I deem ‘worthy’ of their intelligence, sometimes. I try to stop myself from doing that, because I think it’s obnoxious. Whenever I catch myself doing it, I back up and tell them that whatever they do is ok with me, as long as they are happy with it. Thanks for making me think, @JLeslie. Their lives should be their own.

casheroo's avatar

I’ll probably get a better idea once they’re older, like pre-teens.

But for now, I imagine my oldest being a pretty boy..trying to use his looks to get things. I think he’ll be athletic and doing lots of sports. I think he’ll always be my emotional baby boy, and will probably shut himself off into his room when he feels sad. I think he’ll be successful in life, and I hope it’s doing something he loves. he’s too young for me to guess a job, but I’m hoping he does something which involves helping people. Such as something in the medical field.

My baby baby boy. Oh what a sweetheart. I hope he always stays this mellow and sweet. He is the happiest baby I’ve ever encountered, and anyone that meets him says the same thing. He’s like the fat kid that makes everyone laugh he’s so chubby! His smile just lights up the room. I think he’ll be a laid back guy. He’s much too young to answer though!

keobooks's avatar

My daughter isn’t even born yet—so I haven’t the slightest idea what to wish for her as an adult. I hope that she is articulate and curious about the world. I hope that she’s compassionate. I hope she’s the kind of person that I like even if she weren’t related to me.

I know it’s vague, but all I know about her right now is that she kicks a whole lot at night and whenever I eat sugar.

YARNLADY's avatar

All I ever wanted was for them to be happy, and that has been a real roller coaster ride.

Trillian's avatar

“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.”

Kahlil Gibran

janbb's avatar

My sons are adults now and my vision is fulfilled; they are giving, sensitive men able to love and to support themselves.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

So they’re porn stars?

ETpro's avatar

Yep, being my youngest is 25, I have more than a vision. I’ve got lots of photos. :-)

SuperMouse's avatar

My ex-husband has a vision of my oldest son as an engineer and has always pushed him in that direction. I have spent so much time trying to offset that by pushing in any other direction that I haven’t really thought of a vision for him. I do see him finishing college and working as a professional.

I have known from the minute that kid arrived that my middle son belonged to the world. That guy was independent from day one, had his own mind, and never needed me the way his older brother did. I have always seen him leaving the house after high school graduation and never looking back. I see him as a happy guy with wide interests who travels the world, lives internationally and gets whatever he wants out of life.

The youngest is a performer. I have always seen him as an academic. I visualize him finishing an advanced degree and settling down somewhere to a nice career teaching college.

Politically I of course dream they grow up to be Mama’s Little Liberals” but the vision of Alex P. Keaton is to strongly etched on my mind to count on that.

That being said, I will add a brilliant sentiment my father always shared with me “I don’t care if they are potters in Appalachia, as long as my kids are happy I will be proud.”

ETpro's avatar

@SuperMouse I’m sorry to hear about The Pushmi-pullyu going on, but I think you are right that it’s best to let the child set their course, and just do all you can to enable them to succeed on it. If a parent pushes a child to follow a certain career and it turns out a poor choice for the child’s constitution or mental abilities and their own desires; it can leave them feeling they either have to let their parent down to pursue their own dream or try to be something they were not meant to be.

knitfroggy's avatar

I wonder and worry about what my kids will become. My daughter is beautiful. She’s very artistic and loves to draw, paint and make things with clay. She is very sweet and good. She does whatever she is asked and generally doesn’t complain. She’s also an airhead. She never knows where she is. If we got in the car and I asked her to direct me to her school that she’s gone to since Kindergarten, I doubt we would make it there. She is just flighty and doesn’t seem to have any of her shit together. Granted she’s only 10, but when I was 10 I woke up in the morning, got my sister up and got us ready for school and on the bus. My parents were always gone to work by 6am. I think she will turn out to be a really great person and she says she’s going to be an art teacher. I hope she does. She’s a little bit boy crazy, and I always tell my husband that I hope we aren’t grandparents in five or six years!

My son is going to be a second grader. He’s almost 8. He is so smart, it’s unbelievable. He was reading fourth grade level books at the end of first grade. He also has really bad ADHD and an unspecified “mood disorder”. He takes five pills a day and has to see a therapist for his anger outbursts, etc. He doesn’t have any problems at school, which is a blessing. I’ve often said I worry about what his life will become. If he doesn’t grow out of his “mood disorder” I don’t know how we will handle him when he gets to his teen years. He’s such a loving, sweet boy. He’s very caring, and he’s so funny. People don’t believe that he has anger outbursts, because he is such a regular 8 year old boy 99% of the time. When he was little, if you had an ache or a pain, he would lay his hot little hands on your pain and say “Don’t worry, I a doctor” and it really did make you feel better. I sure hope he does grow up to be a doctor. His pediatrician has ADHD and can really relate to my son. So that gives me hope that he will indeed, someday say “I a doctor” and it will be true.

Cruiser's avatar

@JLeslie “WILL” means my sons will be afforded every opportunity to pursue “THEIR” dreams not mine. I will take my son to amusement parks not just to ride them but to feel and imagine them….that is the best classroom for him to connect with his aspiration. This fall I will be taking him to an engineering company so he can see first hand how roller coasters are designed. I will push to see that he has every opportunity to succeed in life no matter which direction he turns!

Frenchfry's avatar

My daughter will be a dancer. She even dances to commericals on TV. Mind you she is only three.

mattbrowne's avatar

Yes, I’ve got the vision that they will find their own vision.

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